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  1. #51
    Quote Originally Posted by BornForBurning View Post
    If you have to put that many qualifiers on having casual sex then maybe you aren't interested in having casual sex. Saying "I'd like casual sex if I wasn't afraid of being alone with a man I don't know well" is only a few degrees away from saying "I'd like being slapped if it didn't hurt."
    <<<Learned the hard way.

    Men are f****** dangerous. "Stranger danger" still applies, even when you're grown up. Men you do know (or *think* you know) can be f****** dangerous, too.

    Plus, there's the whole "diseases" and "pregnancy" things to worry about. Easy dudes are that much more likely to get around and pick up "friends" (contagious microscopic or macroscopic ones that can be hard to get rid of AND MIGHT KILL YOU), and they're even less likely to care if you get knocked up.

    Because you knew the risks. You rolled the dice. You lost.

    And he got his.



    But yeah, if wasn't for those things, there'd be a lot more women who'd be jumping into casual sex. But we have brains, and we balance out those risks, try to stack the odds more in our favor before jumping in the sack with relative strangers to whom we have no commitments.
    "Ammonia will disinfect sin."
    --adrianhayter

    "Art is life, just add bull****."
    --Chris Miller

  2. #52
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    [language warning- profanity and racial epithets]

    I think Dave Chappelle did a great job of illustrating this point to men. This is an excerpt from his Netflix special "The Bird Revelation"

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Chappelle
    Well, you ladies were right. Be honest with you, your lives look terrifying to me. They do. Man, I know nothing about being a woman, but I know fear.
    Yo, I used to live in New York when I was 17. I couldn’t even pay my bills. You know what I did to make money? I used to do shows for drug dealers that wanted to clean their money up. One time I did a real good set, and these motherfuckers called me in the back room. They gave me $25,000 in cash. I was probably 18, 19 years old.
    I was scared. I thanked them profusely, I put that money in my backpack, I jumped on the subway and started heading towards Brooklyn at one in the morning. Never been that terrified in my life. Because I’d never in my life had something that somebody else would want. I thought to myself, “Jesus Christ, if these motherfuckers knew how much money I had in this backpack, they’d kill me for it.”
    Then I thought, “Holy shit. What if I had a pussy on me all the time?” That’s what women are dealing with. I’m going to tell you right now. It’s real talk. If them same drug dealers gave me a pussy and said, “Put this in your backpack and take it to Brooklyn,” I’d be like, “Nigga, I can’t accept this.”
    "Don't fuck with writers, we will describe you." -unknown

    My blog- Hidden Content thoughts on trauma and healing through psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy

    "When a child is abused, he or she will often internalise that abuse as deserved. It is a cruel reality that a child needs the parent so much, is evolutionarily programmed to trust them so implicitly, that when a parent is abusive the child will take the blame rather than completely upend their world and blame the person they depend on for survival." -velo

  3. #53
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquilo View Post
    It can be, yes, I think. Mostly because of perceptions like this:



    If we're caught lusting after sex, we've possibly got low self-esteem and aren't sound-minded, even in today's society, so what do we do? The majority just won't... talk about it like men do. Not to men anyway, because we're still judged negatively. A guy has casual sex, one guy will say to another: get in there, my son. When did you last hear a guy say that to a woman? They didn't, because we're ladies, right?

    The reality of it: I'm one of three sisters. My eldest sister, she's worked in journalism, owns her home and a few horses. My other sister, she sets the award criteria for collages in the UK when it comes to her profession, owns her own home etc. Me? I've been with my husband for twenty years. I'm an editor, author, have been to university to study linguistics. When it comes to us three, can you tell who out of the three of us have had casual sex, who condones it, who doesn't?

    This point is, you can't. And we're not going to tell you. Why? Because we're ladies, right? And if we do, it's there as judgment, how:



    I'm pretty open on the subject, though, so I can say my one eldest sister hasn't been in a relationship for years, preferring casual hookups with no attachments: she's happy doing that. My other? She only settled down a few years ago and got married. Me? I've been with my hubby for twenty years, but before that? The point is, none of us have had casual sex because we're low on self-esteem or because we base it on relationships: like guys, it's just been about sex for us too, definitely no attachment. But if we're seen to take that approach, oh boy...

    Could it be that men just 'need' us to be about relationships, do you think, when in reality we're not?
    Do a lot of society still think that though, if a woman is the one to initiate sex? What about Samantha Jones on Sex and the City, who often does the initiation? Would she be considered to have low self esteem?

  4. #54
    Quote Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
    Do a lot of society still think that though, if a woman is the one to initiate sex? What about Samantha Jones on Sex and the City, who often does the initiation? Would she be considered to have low self esteem?
    Good point. I wonder who came up with the term French kiss. Was it a man or a woman?

    It's clear to see that tourism departments of some 'desperado countries' (the weighed down Greece comes to mind) use the show business to promote the mojo qualities of their destinations.
    Last edited by Ken11; September 10th, 2019 at 08:40 AM.

  5. #55
    Quote Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
    Do a lot of society still think that though, if a woman is the one to initiate sex? What about Samantha Jones on Sex and the City, who often does the initiation? Would she be considered to have low self esteem?
    I actually have never seen Sex in the City, so I can't say. I pretty much rather read about relationships than watch on TV.
    "You don't wanna ride the bus like this,"

    Mike Posner.

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  6. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by luckyscars View Post
    Regarding the first question: For me, personally, I wouldn't say that to a woman (I probably wouldn't say it to a man either, honestly, but let's put that aside) because I would genuinely expect her response to be that she isn't ordinarily into 'sleeping around'. I would generally assume (of course it would depend on her personality more broadly...) that even if she has indulged it's a one time thing, or at least not a common thing, for her because [reason(s)].
    Perhaps that's a more old-fashioned view, then (but very sweet with it)? I mean, do you think your perception would change if you were talking to a woman, say, in her early twenties, one who goes out clubbing every weekend?

    ....solely to society seems to suggest that women are somewhat paralyzed when it comes to acting according to their desires. Which might well be true, but I don't like to believe it, mainly because I've known an awful lot of women who have been strong individuals with no shortage of a sex drive and I just find it hard to believe their disinterest in casual sex was anything other than a freely-made choice made on their own terms.
    I don't think it's as extreme as paralysis: women will have casual sex and not think anything of it. They just won't discuss it openly as men do. And it would be interesting to do a study on women who haven't had casual sex to see why they haven't. I think a number of elements will come into play, a lot more than men would offer, I think. But I can guess 'social backlash, STDs, safety,' etc will come at the top of it as a turnoff for them.
    "You don't wanna ride the bus like this,"

    Mike Posner.

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  7. #57
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquilo View Post
    Perhaps that's a more old-fashioned view, then (but very sweet with it)? I mean, do you think your perception would change if you were talking to a woman, say, in her early twenties, one who goes out clubbing every weekend?



    I don't think it's as extreme as paralysis: women will have casual sex and not think anything of it. They just won't discuss it openly as men do. And it would be interesting to do a study on women who haven't had casual sex to see why they haven't. I think a number of elements will come into play, a lot more than men would offer, I think. But I can guess 'social backlash, STDs, safety,' etc will come at the top of it as a turnoff for them.
    This I find strange, cause my women friends talk about their sex lives with each other more than the men do it seems, unless that is unusual?

  8. #58
    I think - just my opinion - that TV and movies make it seem that women sit around talking about sex and all that it encompasses, on a regular basis. I don't think that is true. I can honestly say, among my women friends, who have generally been married, that sex has never been a topic of conversation. It's no one's business, is it? And what is there to discuss? I mean is anyone else really interested enough in another person's sex life to have an actual conversation about it?
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only light we'll see
    I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
    Just as long as you stand by me.


  9. #59
    Quote Originally Posted by SueC View Post
    I think - just my opinion - that TV and movies make it seem that women sit around talking about sex and all that it encompasses, on a regular basis. I don't think that is true. I can honestly say, among my women friends, who have generally been married, that sex has never been a topic of conversation. It's no one's business, is it? And what is there to discuss? I mean is anyone else really interested enough in another person's sex life to have an actual conversation about it?
    I totally agree. I don't even think men talk about it that much either, other than in a very light manner - like if there's a funny story or something, and even then it's not really talking about sex.

    Talking about that stuff with friends is just weird, to me. Like, I don't want to think about my friends in that light. So I always roll my eyes when characters on TV start exchanging sex tips. I mean, is there anything less awkward than getting oral sex pointers from Sharon over a latte? Most people can figure out most of this stuff on their own and for those who cannot there are healthy magazines, doctors, porn, whatever.

    The only demographic I can see sex being talked about frequently and in some level of detail would be teenagers. Not grown ass adults.
    "If you don't like my peaches, don't shake my tree."

  10. #60
    Quote Originally Posted by luckyscars View Post
    I totally agree. I don't even think men talk about it that much either, other than in a very light manner - like if there's a funny story or something, and even then it's not really talking about sex.

    Talking about that stuff with friends is just weird, to me. Like, I don't want to think about my friends in that light. So I always roll my eyes when characters on TV start exchanging sex tips. I mean, is there anything less awkward than getting oral sex pointers from Sharon over a latte? Most people can figure out most of this stuff on their own and for those who cannot there are healthy magazines, doctors, porn, whatever.

    The only demographic I can see sex being talked about frequently and in some level of detail would be teenagers. Not grown ass adults.
    ^^^ I second the teenagers bit. People who are new to it or haven't experienced it are a lot more likely to seek out and divulge such info.


    Of course, we're also writers, so we might just not being hanging out with the right crowds of people, I suppose. Writers are odd ducks.
    "Ammonia will disinfect sin."
    --adrianhayter

    "Art is life, just add bull****."
    --Chris Miller

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