fact about you


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Thread: fact about you

  1. #1

    face fact

    when you look
    at your reflection
    a hypocrite will
    stare black
    Last edited by escorial; June 19th, 2019 at 09:32 PM. Reason: cheersDW....pulse
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  2. #2
    I like it, but end the little poem like this:
    "a hypocrite will
    stare back"

    you don't need "at you". It's implied in the second line of your poem.
    Last edited by Darren White; June 19th, 2019 at 12:59 PM.
    Hidden Content

    وَنَحْنُ نُحِبُّ الحَيَاةَ إذَا مَا اسْتَطَعْنَا إِلَيْهَا سَبِيلاَ
    "we love life, if it allows us to walk down her road"
    -Mahmoud Darwish (translation Darren White_


  3. #3
    Yeah..that works..more direct
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  4. #4
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    I think "Will stare back" is open to outright denial by the reader, who could then dismiss the poem as irrelevant; whereas "May stare back" might lead them to connect with the poem and ask themselves the question "Am I a hypocrite?"...
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  5. #5
    Using may would give the reader a choice...I don't want to give a choice...the title implies that
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  6. #6
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by escorial View Post
    Using may would give the reader a choice...I don't want to give a choice...the title implies that
    In that case, I repudiate the suggestion.
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  7. #7
    thanks for reading an comment ...
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  8. #8
    I felt the title could be 'Face Facts'
    Kind regards,
    Hidden Content Katrina
    Hidden Content
    Choreographing Calligraphy


  9. #9
    Yes
    The only one who can heal you is you.




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