Sisyphus Revisited - Page 2

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Thread: Sisyphus Revisited

  1. #11
    In the first place, here is a really small nit (about which I may be in error) but I feel like you've confused the Communist Manifesto, (which isn't that an actual journalist publication of extreme brevity?) with Marx's long work Capital? If I'm remembering this right, than authorial credibility suffers when one says it's impossible to read, when it clearly isn't.
    No error, pp. I was packing books to move the other day and found my father's pre-war copy of the manifesto, price sixpence, translation approved by the Moscow Marxist-Leninist Society. As you say, a slim, easily read, pamphlet.
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  2. #12
    At the time of Homer's writings, Humankind's early triumphs and follies were already well known and frequently documented.
    That makes it sound as though Homer was merely following on in a long tradition, yet the follow on makes it clear that you are talking about his writing. It is also a bit wordy and I see no reason to capitalise the awkward compound 'Humankind.
    'In Homer's time human triumphs and follies were already being documented'. Nothing was frequently documented then, fewer people and most were illiterate, and if it was documented, it was known.

    From the dawn of time, some humans simply had it better.
    There were no humans at the dawn of time, the dawn of history ?

    Have to get on now, I will try and return later.
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  3. #13
    Hi, I'm back.


    As humans will do, tribes elect / appoint / have leaders imposed on us.
    I think those / slashes are a bit of an ugly way of writing, and will people be distracted trying to think if you have included all the ways, which is not important, I would go for a general term, 'As usual with humans, leaders will emerge...' something along those lines.
    That is not fair, but it just is.
    Two points, reducing things to a minimum gives them more 'kick', compare 'It's not fair, it just is'. I guess you have come across my antipathy for the word 'just', but here you are also using it alongside 'fair', slight potential for confusion, 'Is it fair or is it just?'
    With iron, horses, and more men, the decision is an easy one.
    the iron and horses came from nowhere, hadn't seen them mentioned before. It is good in some ways to be specific, in others phrases like 'With better resources' might serve better.
    In this human calculus, the tribe leader "King" is the pivotal figure
    This didn't sit easily, '...the tribal leader, or king ...' some sort of punctuation, that looks as though his name is "King", and is 'pivotal' quite the right word? 'Societal' impact, 'social' impact? I would go for the simpler one.
    In Clausewitz terms, it simply vacillates between war and politics.
    Phrased like that it needs a possessive on Clausewitz, that would be a problem for me 'Clausewitz's'? I would re-phrase, 'In the terms of Von Clausewitz...', and I would lose the qualifying 'Simply'.

    This is all a bit nit picking, but I will go on if you wish, one thing I would suggest is a quick re-run of the Sisyphus legend at the start, it's a great title, but there will be a certain number of readers who. think Sisyphus is a nice little holiday village on the Turkish coast.
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  4. #14
    Wow, Winston. This was a very open piece of writing. The language was used efficiently and effectively to reiterate your points, through and through, and you provided a historical backdrop (brought forth by a timeline of history itself) in order to reinforce some of your points. You took us along the your journey, your Odyssey (if you will,) and pointed out specific historical examples to prove that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I think this was a great piece of writing for inspiring thinking and careful consideration. While I also believe that Plasticweld and Olly have some good points- this, I believe, is a great piece of work.

    Hats off for me! Good job!
    ďAs far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being,"

    -Carl Jung

  5. #15
    While I also believe that Plasticweld and Olly have some good points- this, I believe, is a great piece of work.
    Don't get me wrong. I point out the stuff I think might be helpful when I read something worth it. Also if people are looking for crit on a writing forum I feel more inclined to comment on the expression than the content.
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
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  6. #16
    First, thanks for the detailed crit. But you and ppsage made me introspective regarding my memory hole involving Marx's work...

    Quote Originally Posted by Olly Buckle View Post
    No error, pp. I was packing books to move the other day and found my father's pre-war copy of the manifesto, price sixpence, translation approved by the Moscow Marxist-Leninist Society. As you say, a slim, easily read, pamphlet.
    I read The Communist Manifesto first at age 15 when I was an anarchist punk. Since I was in an altered state on most days that end in "y", it's possible my memory failed in recalling the size of the document. Luckily, I matured and left all that mind-altering rubbish behind.
    However, a few years later, I did re-read the CM for my college thesis regarding "Marxist Theory and Societal Controls". My professor was a socialist, and it was a challenge forcing myself to defend a position that I knew was untenable.

    But y'know how when you read a really good book, and it's page after page, until it's over too soon? You wish there was more, and are sort of sad you finished so quickly?
    That's why I thought the Communist Manifesto was longer than it was.

    Thanks for indulging my laboring the point, and Kapital-ising on the opportunity to clarify.

    "Now let's all agree, never to be creative again."




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