There really are monsters under my bed...


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Thread: There really are monsters under my bed...

  1. #1

    There really are monsters under my bed...

    I write my poems on pristine paper
    dirty secrets I dare not speak
    and I hide them in boxes under my bed
    where they disturb my sleep

    A heavy burden for small shoulders
    my notebooks full of shame
    hidden in shadows under my bed
    these boxes full of pain

    Unspeakable acts of terror
    inscribed on paper kept out of sight
    abominations happened in the dark
    almost every night

    Recorded in my poems
    my helpless fear and rage
    painstakingly printed with trembling hand
    page after secret page

    These notebooks hide my monsters
    but they are howling in my head
    and they lurk in the darkness
    in boxes under my bed

    REVISED:

    There really are monsters under my bed

    I wrote my poems on pristine paper
    dirty secrets I dared not speak
    and I hid them in boxes under my bed
    where they disturbed my sleep

    A heavy burden for small shoulders
    my notebooks full of shame
    hidden is shadows under my bed
    my boxes full of pain

    Unspeakable acts of terror
    inscribed on paper kept out of sight
    abominations that happened in the dark
    almost every night

    Recorded in my poems
    my helpless fear and rage
    painstakingly printed with trembling hands
    page after secret page

    These notebooks hid my monsters
    but they howled in my head
    and they lurked in the darkness
    in boxes under my bed

    Years have passed and still I write
    that's how I stay sane
    and the monsters... they are silent now
    in my boxes full of pain
    Last edited by Firemajic; May 1st, 2019 at 12:07 AM.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  2. #2
    hello - a strong poem, loaded with passion and pain.
    but for me, the strength of the message is lost.

    I could be barking up the wrong tree, but this is how I read it-
    bad memories in the narrator's head were related as secret poetry.
    but for what purpose, if the bad memories still persist?

    the monsters were not purged after all - and for me, this is the story.

    so I would save that revelation until the final lines for more impact.

    just my thoughts.........................Ned
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  3. #3
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    Last edited by Underd0g; April 30th, 2019 at 07:01 PM.
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  4. #4
    Fire,

    This piece has power, heartbreak, and a brutal honest to it, but I have to agree with ned. Is it possible to bring the power of poetry, its effects to the fore when confronting the monster? Either way, this piece speaks.

    - D.


  5. #5
    I agree with Ned and Darkkin's sentiments. There's so much power wrapped up in this, can't it be brought to a higher level?

  6. #6
    Dear Ned and DarKKin... I don't think I completely understand what you mean... Ned, the monsters were not purged and there is not any resolution for me....

    From the age of 3 years old, I was abused... The abuser forbid me to speak... for quite a few years my parents thought I could not speak, but once I was old enough to go to school I felt I was safe and there I started talking... my GrandMam rocked me and read poetry to me in an effort to try to get me to speak.... I guess that is why I wrote about my abuse using poetry... poetry was my voice... I am still tortured by my memories, so I don't know how to write this poem any other way... but I am open to any suggestions and as always, Ned and DarKKin, I treasure your comments...

    Bard_Daniel... I want my poetry to be powerful and I would welcome any examples, thank you for your kind comments....
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  7. #7
    That small act of quiet defiance, having the courage to write things down even if no one saw it. The morass of emotion that goes with the decision to say anything, in anyway about such a horrific secret. The extraordinary strength it took to face it, to say, yes, this is happening. The relief at being able to see the truth on paper. The fear of being caught. And confusion, which secret is more dangerous. The possible discovery of the poems or the abuse itself...

    With the piece you bring the reader in at the end moment, the narrator resolute with their decision. So yes, the power of the piece is there it is just veiled, as if the narrator slides a mask back into place after it slipped allowing others to see the truth beneath the veneer. Either way, veiled or raw the honesty and strength of the piece resonates with the reader.

    - D.


  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Darkkin View Post
    That small act of quiet defiance, having the courage to write things down even if no one saw it.
    - D.
    Yes.... Thank you for hearing what I was trying to say, and thank you for understanding.... I did not know any other way to write this poem...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  9. #9
    I hear you.
    There are things that can never be excised.
    But without the writing the monster will get out from under the bed.
    And you can't allow that to happen.
    For your own sanity.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Firemajic View Post
    ... Ned, the monsters were not purged and there is not any resolution for me....
    yes Fire, that is what I said, and is exactly my point - despite writing down the experiences, they are still 'howling' in the narrator's head - that is the message.

    Quote Originally Posted by ned View Post
    the monsters were not purged after all - and for me, this is the story.
    yet the way it is expressed here sets up a contradiction that weakens the message.

    the monsters are memories, whether they are written down or in the mind, they are the same thing.
    and to say the written monsters are hidden away, while their awful memories still persist is hard to make sense of.

    perhaps, if you related the incentives for writing down the experiences in the first place (to give you a voice?)
    and at the end, reveal that despite everything, the monsters still lurk in the narrator's head.

    but it's a difficult poem to critique or give advice for Fire.................Ned
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

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