I keep dropping things.


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Thread: I keep dropping things.

  1. #1
    Member dither's Avatar
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    I keep dropping things.

    Okay,
    here goes nothing xXx:

    Where to begin? Well? With a view to maybe adding to this over time, damn you Viner with your " life reporting " I shall kick this off with a snapshot of me and my life. Who what and where , in life terms, I find myself right now.

    I stress. I obsess. And I get so worked up sometimes over the most trivial of occurrences. Real life dramas, catastrophes, disasters even, I seem to manage quite well. It's the little things that get me down. Take yesterday. Oh god, yesterday.

    Having risen from my bed awake fully awake for an hour or so and after consuming the "must have" hot strong cup of tea with the equally "must have" coffee chaser I felt ready to make a start, preparing food for my dinner and packed lunch. And that's when it turned bad. Really bad.

    I'd got a half-used bag of Brussel sprouts in the fridge. I did mention that it was a packet half-used didn't I? As in packet already open? I knew that of course. But when I reached into the fridge and picked up the packet, they spilled out over the kitchen floor, and all hell broke loose.

    " You dirty, filthy, fuckin bastards." I railed. "Why are you doing this? It's sheer fuckin spite, WHY? WHY? WHY? I want to shame them, embarrass them, make them wish they'd never been produced,cultivated grown whatever. Can you believe that? And then I turned on myself. "What is wrong with you?" I raged. "Jesus ephing christ". I wanted to scream and then I wanted to cry.

    "Big boys don't cry. Big boys don't cry." Words from the old 10cc track.

    Today, earlier this afternoon, I spilled a mug of coffee and a tirade of abuse, first against that fucking stupid ignorant self-absorbed mug, and then against myself.

    I've often thought about my mental state and what may or may not be going in my head. No I'm not looking to pin a label on myself, but I repeat , WHAT is wrong with me. A tendency to obsess, isn't that an OCD thing? I don't know. Is it that spectrum thing? Aspergers? Again, I don't know. And if it is something of that kind, what is a person to do? There isn't a cure. Talking to someone? Counselling? Yeah right. Maybe I'm just old but I'd give anything to spend a weekend or three heavily sedated. Just to stop the world and get off sometimes. Have a break, from thinking, and feeling. Thoughts and emotions. Years ago , I went through a phase of abusing sleeping pills. I can't remember how it felt to be totally out of it. That's the whole point I suppose but I look back on the memory fondly. Brings that old hippy quote to mind, " If you can remember the sixties,you weren't really there, man."

    And so it goes.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    And on a lighter note:

    I finally got my arse into gear and called my isp about my internet problems. The bottom line being, that I am to leave my router switched on for twenty four hours so they can monitor it. To see if it is in fact a router-fault. I hate leaving electrical things switched on all night, especially when I'm at work.

    We shall see.
    Last edited by dither; April 10th, 2019 at 05:36 PM.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  2. #2
    A peek into the skull of Dither. I have no idea what makes you tick, I guess you don't know either.

    We are polar opposites. My guess is that you would be hard pressed to find anyone who has ever heard me raise my voice in anger in the last 25 years. I can't remember ever losing my temper, though I have been pissed off over a few things, aggravated would be a better description.

    When I was a young guy I remember being really upset over something that happened in school, it was about some class that I either wanted to take and couldn't or being put in one I did not want. I remember being pissed and could not get the problem out of my head. I realized that the problem was getting the best of me an vowed to never let something like that ever happen again. It was a conscious choice and one I had to work on, but today, I roll with the punches that life gives me.

    When I was first married I worked in a garage rebuilding engines, the guy I worked with had a horrible temper. He threw things, swore. I remember thinking that I never ever want to be that guy, I am not.

    I make a point of doing something very simple, you might want to give it a try. That time when I trip and fall, when I stumble and bang my head, stub my toe, bang my knee...you get the idea. I make a point to never swear or get mad. I make a point of not letting something like this ever beat me or get the best of who I am.


    When you learn to handle the little mishaps in life, the bigger ones don's seem so bad.

    I am happy every day, maybe I need to be examined. You might be the normal one...me the freak.
    God hates a coward Revelation 21:8

    “Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.”

    Hidden Content ,

    To encourage and facilitate "me"

  3. #3
    Member dither's Avatar
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    No, I'm the freak PW.
    Me and however many there are in this world just like me. I can't be the only totally screwed up person in this god forsaken world.
    It would be easy to play the victim here. I prefer to think of myself, if I DO think about it, more, or rather, as a casualty.
    Lol! A victim then, you might think, but no, I don't think so.
    Again, it would be easy to lay blame, point a finger, if blame is the right word, on others. Life even.
    We are all, if not formed, significantly influenced, by our upbringing. I think I was severely damaged by mine. Irreparably so. But then, I am weak, one of life's failures, I know that.
    Had I been a farm animal, a dog even, I 'd have been put down within days of my drawing breath. Might even have died without intervention.
    Anyway, whatever, I shall endeavour to add certain perspectives to this and see where it goes.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  4. #4
    Dither, I find you fascinating because I have no idea why I am the way I am. What makes you- you- and me- me, is a mystery in many ways. Having raised kids and coon hounds I was always amazed at how distinct their personalities were when they were young. Was it genes or environment. Common sense says from observation that genes play more of role than environment.

    As for you being down on yourself. I make a point when I hire people to be very different than me. Their perspective their difference is life experience is always a plus in business and brings a strength to it.



    We are all have different talents and weaknesses. You are good at many things I am not.
    God hates a coward Revelation 21:8

    “Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.”

    Hidden Content ,

    To encourage and facilitate "me"

  5. #5

  6. #6
    It would be interesting to know what would happen if you didn't get up and fill your system with caffeine. Probably you would get a nasty headache for the first couple of days, it is pretty addictive, but if you weaned yourself off with weak tea and orange juice … ? Being an addict can affect your whole life and outlook.
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
    Hidden Content

    A thread of links useful to writers wishing to learn
    Piglet's picks. Hidden Content

  7. #7
    Dither, I have found that most of the characteristics that people think they see in me, are really just general assumptions because of a physical characteristic. I was born with a head of thick, curly red hair, and so (even in childhood), everyone assumed I had a fiery temper. Throughout my teen years, I never felt I could express even justifiable anger, because of this assumption. If I tried to defend myself, it was to no avail, because everyone already knew the truth about redheads. No one has ever seen a fiery temper in me, but that didn't seem to matter. All redheads are always fiery, right? To this day, I still stuff anger, I'm still afraid to show it, and one day I'll simply explode.

    Then there is my height. I am tall at 5'9 and today in a crowded apartment elevator, a man turned to me and said, "did you play basketball?" Everyone turned to look at me.

    "No," I said over my glasses.
    "Ever play volleyball?" No.
    "Golf?"

    If I told him I had a Phd in literature, it wouldn't matter. (I don't) His look said it all - A tall woman should play a sport or something. Her very height makes her obligated, otherwise the height is just a waste!

    I guess my point is, Dither, that we make assumptions about ourselves too. We think if we drop stuff at a most inconvenient time, there must be something wrong with us. And that is probably just a wrong as saying all redheads are fiery, and all tall women MUST have played some kind of ball.

    Dither sad: No I'm not looking to pin a label on myself, but I repeat , WHAT is wrong with me.

    Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with me - we are cool.
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only light we'll see
    I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
    Just as long as you stand by me.


  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Plasticweld View Post
    As for you being down on yourself. I make a point when I hire people to be very different than me. Their perspective their difference is life experience is always a plus in business and brings a strength to it.



    We are all have different talents and weaknesses. You are good at many things I am not.
    Wow this is worth framing. I also ensure that when i collaborate, i do so with people who are complementary rather than merely similar.

  9. #9
    first, my apologies.
    obligations are over the top at the moment.
    april(s) seem to get more so each year.
    gimme a minute,
    i'll be back here.

  10. #10
    please consider a less public space.
    one of the mods may be able to relocate this thread.

    next, if you become aware
    that you are processing
    harming yourself
    or
    another living being/concrete representation of abstract symbol
    establish contact with an intervention specialist.
    (directly and/or indirectly)

    i am not that.
    i am just another person that does things differently
    than many people.

    premise 1:
    mental wellness is my focus
    not mental illness

    premise 2:
    there are many frameworks
    (which are tools)
    to help an individual
    explore
    what is/is not working for them

    premise 3:
    you are your own expert
    you have your own set of symbols,
    experiences, preferences, etc.
    if you feel you are struggling,
    then making some changes
    may be helpful.

    Feedback-
    some lifestyle constructs
    are difficult to implement
    due to mismatch of factors
    for instance:
    a person that has no lived experience
    working overnight
    for an extended period of time
    may not be able to imply
    things unspecified.
    -been there, done that,
    really difficult for many people to understand

    -question
    how do you describe your most basic daily routine?
    which areas many people describe as normal/desirable
    do not match with your experience?
    for instance:
    eating lunch at midnight
    and dinner at 6am

    take a look at these words<-link
    as you are able
    see if any of them seem to resonate with you
    Quote Originally Posted by dither View Post
    Okay,
    here goes nothing xXx:

    I finally got my arse into gear and called my isp about my internet problems. The bottom line being, that I am to leave my router switched on for twenty four hours so they can monitor it. To see if it is in fact a router-fault. I hate leaving electrical things switched on all night<unattended>, especially when I'm at work.

    We shall see.
    i am uncomfortable with that as well.
    i reframe based on the level of responsibilty
    i was raised with AND the benefit of resolving
    a sandpaper-style-inconvenience.
    be relieved it did not take 72 hours.
    do you have an answer regarding your router?


    remember i am not making light of your experience in any way.

    if we were engaged in conversation,
    or i were in physical proximity of you,
    i would respond with some variation of this:

    thank you for doing regular gravity checks.
    it reduces my personal checklist.
    gravity is my friend.
    without it we would all be sucked into space.
    i am uncomfortably unprepared for that
    based upon my understanding of it.
    keep up the good work,
    and let someone know if your results change.


    i would also suggest that blame is a really charged word.
    i weary of finger pointing.
    exploring a possible source of your discomfort may be helpful.
    the name you use as a working label
    may need to change as you discover more.
    many people find that deciding a thing is to blame
    concludes the need for exploration
    and/or reframing.
    (victim is very layered)
    (this may take a while to untangle
    in a way that self-sustains)

    as to feeling a need to lash out/externalize internal:
    for now
    i might suggest a soft style ball
    that you may literally kick.
    i might suggest a sharpie
    to add specific ideas that emerge
    as you act on the ball.
    for example:
    vending machines that eat my money
    people that don't make eye contact with me
    forgetting to renew my <whatever>

    as your data set grows
    you will see things begin to group

    some things will be easy to address.
    getting rid of sandpaper can be quite satisfying

    k.
    pm with question, concern, etc.
    cautiously progressive.

    ps
    thot on progressive positive creation:
    i frequently pass a wall upon which ivy grows.
    the caretakers periodically strip back new growth.
    when i walk past this wall i check for change in my pocket.
    i put one coin between the wall and the vine
    away from areas i have seen stripped.
    i do this regardless of season.
    last year when the leaves fell off
    a huge section of the wall
    glimmered with my leaves.
    it was kewl!

    *just so you know*
    *there will be at least one interruption*
    *of one hour*
    *in my day today*
    *weekend access is tricky for me*

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