What do you think of this tracking device scenario for my story?

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Thread: What do you think of this tracking device scenario for my story?

  1. #1

    What do you think of this tracking device scenario for my story?

    For my story, I wanted the main character to follow the villains around with a tracking device planted on the main villain's car, so they wouldn't know they are being followed. The villains have been going around committing a series of kidnapping crimes, and the main character wants to catch them and see if they are the guys.

    I was told in order for the main character to get his own tracking device, that he should just use the ones you buy, in which you can plant on a car, which are sold under the marketing idea to see if your spouse is cheating on you, like the one Hank used on Breaking Bad.

    However, the thing about those devices, is that they do not transmit a live feed. You have to take if off the car afterwards and see where the person went. I want the main character to find out where the villains next kidnapping is going to be. So if he cannot find out by witnessing it live, he will have to find out where the place is going to be. So out of all the places the villain visits, like in a week, is it possible for the main character to guess where the next kidnapping spot is going to be without the main character having to visit them all and have to wait around at each place forever, trying to wait for the villains to show up and kidnap someone? Cause that will take a lot of waiting and trial and error for each place.

    I thought I could write it so the main character sees that the villain visited a certain place on the tracking device, goes there at night, thinking the kidnapping will be a night... and then he waits around and then the villains show up to kidnap someone they will know will be in that place at that time, and the main character has then caught them in the act, and knows he has the right people.

    Or is this too convenient do you think, that he guessed this would be the kidnapping spot, and then it turns out it was it, and he came the exact night they were going to do it? Too coincidental do you think maybe?

  2. #2
    Member Hill.T.Manner's Avatar
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    I'm not putting anything constructive here, you're doing it again. You're asking people for an opinion before you've written anything. Just. Write. It. and when you're ready for someone to review it they'll let you know what works and what doesn't.
    -You gotta be so good that they can't ignore you-
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  3. #3
    Oh okay thanks, but why does everything have to be written to be understood? Why can't I explain part of the plot and the plot can still be understood just be explaining it? For example, when I explain parts of the plot to other people they understand it, and do not need to see it written in full, so I just don't get why it's so hard to understand that people need to see it explained in every detail.

    I mean other people explain their synopses on here, and people are still able to understand what is going on, and do not need to see an entire story written out, so what is wrong with just explaining through a brief description, when the description still makes sense to people?

  4. #4
    Member Guard Dog's Avatar
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    Because with you, it's always the same thing... the near-constant need for someone to 'hold your hand' or to approve of what you're doing.

    Like you, I only have one story to ask people about and to get advice on. But unlike you, I don't need or want anyone's approval for every single word of it, or every idea/plot point.

    I've posted several different portions of it, here and there on this forum, but I'm always looking for or at something different when I do, or opinions on different aspects of the story.

    I've written over 365,000 words of my WIP in the last several months... But if I went about things the way you seem intent on, I don't know that I'd have written the first word.

    Sorry, but you very much abuse the privilege, when it comes to asking for help and/or advice.

    That's just how it is.


    G.D.
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    Screw with it, and it'll eat you alive.

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  5. #5
    Oh okay sorry if I am doing that. Here is how I wrote it so far, if this is better:



    EXT. PARK -- DAY

    Chalmers is having a picnic with his family, and Guy observes with binoculars. He sneaks over Chalmers' car, and cannot be seen. He plants a tracking device under the car, and sneaks away, back to his car to observe...


    EXT. CHALMERS' BUILDING -- DAYS LATER

    Chalmers pulls up in his car to his work, and goes in the building. Guy pulls up his in his car, parks across the street, and gets out. He heads across the street into the parking lot and removes the tracking device from Chalmers' car.


    INT. GUY'S PLACE -- DAY

    Guy plugs the tracking device into his computer and it reveals on screen, all the places Chalmers' has been to since. He sees one place in particular that catches his eye.


    EXT. SELF-STORAGE FACILITY -- DUSK

    Guy drives up and parks his car, hidden away. He gets out and looks at his phone to walk over to the exact GPS coordinates of where Chalmers' was. He looks around, and doesn't see anything peculiar. He goes back to his car, sits inside, and waits.


    EXT. SELF-STORAGE FACILITY -- NIGHT -- LATER

    Guy is still waiting and almost dozes off. He hears a noise and wakes up. He hears cars pull up closer to the facility. He can see two men waiting in one of the cars.

    Kinnaman pulls up close to behind them and is observing them as well Chalmers as well from a distance.

    Guy looks through his binoculars and see that they have masks on. He hears noises coming from the facility.

    A woman is leaving the self-storage facility who appears to have been working there, and is now leaving.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Does it make sense, or is it too coincidental or too convenient, that Guy picked the exact place on the map where the next kidnapping was going to happen?
    Last edited by ironpony; February 10th, 2019 at 07:45 PM.

  6. #6
    Member Hill.T.Manner's Avatar
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    Write. Your. Script/Work/Novel/Whatever

    When you've completed a Substantial portion of it and need feedback then ask. Don't throw out tiny portion and ask for feedback on it. Nobody here will, or should, do the work for you.
    -You gotta be so good that they can't ignore you-
    Moccasin Creek "Get Away"

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  7. #7
    Oh okay, I mean I could post the entire screenplay, but I didn't think that people on here would want to read a whole screenplay at once.

  8. #8
    Here's what irritates other members, ironpony. You ask questions that are easy to answer on your own. Questions you should be asking yourself first and figuring out the answers to. For instance, I read your OP here and went to Google and typed in 'live GPS tracking devices' and found this on the first page (I could have done the same thing at Amazon's home page). Here's a real time magnetic GPS tracking device:

    https://www.amazon.com/Micro-GL300W-.../dp/B008YHQX6Q
    “Fools” said I, “You do not know
    Silence like a cancer grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my arms that I might reach you”
    But my words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the wells of silence : Simon & Garfunkel


    Those who enjoy stirring the chamber-pot should be required to lick the spoon.

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  9. #9
    Oh okay thanks. But I wasn't asking about tracking devices though. I was just asking if the scenario wasn't too coincidental or convenient, that's all.

  10. #10
    Member Hill.T.Manner's Avatar
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    That! it's the "Oh okay, but..." there is no but, there is no follow up. Do your own research, if you think it works then go for it. You'll find out later when someone reads it if it works with your overall plot. If you need consistent reassurance that your writing works then you shouldn't be writing.
    -You gotta be so good that they can't ignore you-
    Moccasin Creek "Get Away"

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