andrewclun's February 2019 Pip Entry

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  1. #1

    andrewclun's February 2019 Pip Entry

    Cafeteria Duel

    Sour chocolate milk
    Tommy with his Tommy gun
    Rubber band bullets
    I find that my lack of knowledge can sometimes be an asset in that I'm forced to try new things because I don't have any other options.

  2. #2
    I think I can see why you've done it, but I'm wondering if there's an effective way of avoiding the repetition of Tommy.


  3. #3
    Nice one Andrew. I am in two minds about the repetition of the word Tommy but on this occasion it works for me as each carries a completely different meaning

    Sour chocolate milk <--- I live to learn. i was counting syllables and always thought sour, hour had two syllables not one. Just goes to show how accent can influence this
    sou-wer
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  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by PiP View Post
    Nice one Andrew. I am in two minds about the repetition of the word Tommy but on this occasion it works for me as each carries a completely different meaning

    Sour chocolate milk <--- I live to learn. i was counting syllables and always thought sour, hour had two syllables not one. Just goes to show how accent can influence this
    sou-wer
    Ready for this? It does the way I say it too, but chocolate only has two as well. So yeah, accents, but not the one you're thinking of.
    I find that my lack of knowledge can sometimes be an asset in that I'm forced to try new things because I don't have any other options.

  5. #5
    Weird eh? I once checked chocolate on howmanysyllables, and it says: 3
    I also pronounce chocolate as 2
    and sour as 1
    sigh
    I hate counting syllables.

    I also stumbled over the 2x Tommy, I understand why you use it, but I also think that perhaps you could find an alternative for the second one, and leave it to the reader to connect the dots.
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  6. #6
    I think weird or half crazy at times but what if instead of Tommy you used tummy. I greatly enjoyed your senryu as it brought back memories of school.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

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  7. #7
    Global Moderator velo's Avatar
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    Chocolate is 3 in my view, sour 2.

    The bloody yanks I'm surrounded with say comfortable (comf-ter-ble) with 3 syllables when it's 4 (come-fort-a-ble) and it drives me mad. Sadly, I was born a colonist so I'm actually the odd one out on that.

    I must admit with the history of guns in schools in this country the second line startled me a bit but turned to relief when I realised it really was about some lighthearted cafeteria fun. Enjoyed this, thank you.
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    "When a child is abused, he or she will often internalise that abuse as deserved. It is a cruel reality that a child needs the parent so much, is evolutionarily programmed to trust them so implicitly, that when a parent is abusive the child will take the blame rather than completely upend their world and blame the person they depend on for survival." -velo

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