Filling the Void (5190 short story)

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  1. #1

    Filling the Void (5190 short story)

    A glass breaks. It makes you look up from the bar.

    It shouldn’t, you should be far too gone. Like always, you have been putting back the brown liquid, the first one burns like the swamp water it is but after that, you don’t feel it. You're inside our numbed, it may not be the real stuff and not something that yeast as ever seen, but it still does the job. All you should care about is the next drink, everything else should be a blur.

    Yet it’s not.

    You heard a glass break. Such a small noise in the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't have touched the sides, yet it has.

    ‘Stay out of it Hat, we’ve got it covered.’ A voice says, it sounds worried for some reason. You are not sure who is speaking or if it’s male or female, does that matter? It shouldn’t do, it wouldn’t have done before today, but for some reason, at this moment, you can’t help thinking that it should.

    Hat.

    The word comes to you like a bolt from the blue. If you were capable of it, a shiver would have gone down your spine. That is a name you have not heard in a very long time. Yet now it is the only name you recall having.

    For some reason your hand goes upwards, fingers stretched out, hoping to feel it, and there it is, the large brim of the hat you ware. Rough and soft. Sturdy and flimsy. Old and new. The only thing you now have from the old times, before she…

    You stop thinking, you start seeing what is wrong. Just why the sound of glass breaking, which must be common enough in a dive like this, has reached you today. The place was silent.

    Your eyes flicker across the saloon, many a folk are standing, with weapons out in either hand or just hovering above them. You can see the flash of black guns, and hear the buzz of the more exotic energy weapons. Although nothing looks as well kept as it should do, a few red lights blink, when they should be constant, while others looked scuffed and one even looks like it has been a dog’s toy.

    To say it was tense, was an understatement, you would need something more heavy duty than a knife to cut the atmosphere with. All because of the newcomers standing in the doorway. You were not sure how many there were. They seem to double and triple, as you tried to count them. Their forms would not stay still, shaking and blurring. Except for the woman in front of this new group. She was different from the rest. You could see her as clear as the sun on the brightest of summer days.

    She was large, with skin that was a darker shade of midnight, a warm smile, but dangerous eyes. They told you that the smile was fake, this was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. For those that can read this sort of thing and it seemed you could, there was a grade A predator, akin to a lion or a shark, something at the very apex of the food chain.

    ‘Hat?!’ She says, questioning your very name, it seems that was said a very long time ago, was that really the case? Whatever, if you were not staring before you are now. Your eyes are locked onto her ample chest were her arms are folded a long way from the guns that are visible from her belt. Everybody else is on edge, apart from her, that’s power.

    ‘Were they talking about you perhaps?’ She said, aiming the question with laser focus right at you. ‘You’re a void walker, is that why they think you are going to start something?’

    At that moment, in the way she stands, you see it. Void Walker. Like you, she as touched infinity and controlled it.

    ‘Now Marcy, we don’t want any issues, like, this isn’t a bad Weston, as much as it seems like one.’ A voice pipes up from the wings, was it the same one that spoke first? Well, you’re not sure, it could have been. Still, you now have a name, Marcy, the label of the beast.

    ‘Issue, who said anything about causing an issue, I’m a dear soul as any, have I done anything threatening? Where is the correct welcome, which I or any person should get when coming into an establishment like this? Is that too much to ask for?’

    ‘Suppose not.’ You say, the words falling from your lips, why did you just speak? Was there any need? Maybe you should just get back to drinking.
    Without knowing it, you trigger something. Guns are lowered by a degree, and a number of people say‘dear soul Marcy’. It might have been the first time ever that a formal greeting has been used in this bar.

    ‘Isn’t that better, I hope that shows we can all get along here without issue. Now how about we get some drinks in today, it’s time to celebrate.’ She says with her smile getting wider, a sign that mischief was afoot or something worse. Any spark could set this place ablaze, is that what Marcy wanted?

    ‘I will drink to that!’ You say, with a slur of the last word. Maybe you can get back to heading towards oblivion. ‘What are we drinking to?’

    ‘Why friend, how can you not know! Today is the day that the people get there world returned! No more than that, we become human again.’

    ‘Yes.’ You say blankly.

    ‘Oh come on. The plebiscite. We chose to stick it to the monstrous airless, we don't need there tech and we are not going to be dictated to. We chose freedom, humanity and a better life for all. Now they are going to regret what they have done to them self's, Earth is not going to be pushed around, we will all make sure of that, right boys! Earth first!!!’

    The others behind her scream it to, ‘Earth First’. Hands move back towards their guns, it’s not a call liked around here. In fact, it is hated.

    ‘Oh, that.’ You say.

    ‘I hope the will of the people isn’t about to cause us issues here?’

    ‘Nope, as long as I can get a drink and do what I always do, stare at my mate behind the bar, then we will be good.’

    ‘Your mate?’

    ‘Yep.’ You say turning your body back towards the bar and away from her. ‘The stuffed clown, the place this bar is named after. I’m sure that is why you’re here, to see him, right, it’s what this place is famous for.’

    ‘Oh yes, of course. I see no issue with that, as long as you are not hogging him, can’t come to the Stuff Clown, and not see the Clown right?’

    ‘Something like that.’ You say, turning around to get back to your drinking, another one has been lined up for you. As your hand reaches down for it, you hope to the gods that you won’t taste the dam thing. In the process of doing this, you look into the dead glass eyes of the stuffed clown. The thing looks so moth-eaten, how you hate it. Were clowns ever funny? Was it as sad in life, as it is in death?

    Without trying and as often is the case, you lose a couple of days, maybe more. How you wish it was your life but your upgrades will not allow that. Still, it is what it is, so now you find yourself walking the all but empty streets. Kicking up the grey manmade soil, walking on the artificial ground, going nowhere, much like this whole place, which lost its purpose, its soul, a while back. Just like you.

    Goddamit, you need a drink. Sure as night follows day, you will get one, then two, then many more. Yet, for now, you keep on walking, the bars are open, but for some reason there pull isn't enough to drag you in.

    You turn to pass a line of empty shops, to the black sombre building that houses the undertakers, from the few sounds escaping it seems to show the only signs of life in this town, how ironic is that!

    Then you see her playing. How old she is, you are not sure, under ten you think. She is a pretty little thing. Her mousey brown hair in a bob, face clean enough, with a dress that someone has tried to care for, with the number of patches upon it.

    The girl is playing hopscotch yet what was different from the other times you have seen this game played, was that she was not using a stone. Instead, it was, well, the cybernetic entrails of a modern rat, you could see what was left of its blood dried on the cable that had been its spine. It was the blood, which told you what this was. How did you know this stuff? So much forgotten.

    ‘What are you doing?’ She asks, becoming aware that you are looking.

    ‘Just walking.’ You say, far too quickly. ‘I wouldn’t play with that if I was you. It’s not clean, nice or safe.’

    ‘I took it to the water drop. That always gets things clean, mommy cleans things there all the time. I dipped it five times and everything.’

    ‘Really, that makes it clean?’

    ‘Yes, don’t you know? Surely you must know, all grownups would, are you trying to be funny?’

    ‘Not the last time I checked.’

    Then the girl looks up. You guess an alert has come through on her feed. ‘Got to go, my mummy is calling me.’

    ‘Then run along, one thing, what’s your name?’

    ‘Alice.’ She says, before skipping away.

    Sweet kid, you think, but why ask for her name? It does remind you of something, a book may be, was that a story read to you, or did you read it to…
    You make your mind go blank. Yep, you really, really need that dam drink now.

    ‘Psttt.’

    Wait what was that? You stop for a moment, not sure what you heard or if it was even for you.

    ‘Psttt!’

    There it is again but from where? Looking from left to right, you see if you can find the source of the sound. At first, you find nothing.

    ‘Psttt!! Over here.’

    You turn around, sure now that what you heard was behind you. There you spot him, peering around the edge of one of the wooden buildings. He looks this way and that, worry in his eyes, and then he gestures you to follow. In a flash, he is gone.

    You follow, it seems you have nothing better to do. Maybe that drink can wait.

    The man is standing down one of the back alleys that seem to make up half the settlement. It’s more run down, the buildings on either side need repainting, trash has been dumped here, most of it airless devices you can’t help but notice.

    ‘Dear soul Hat, I had to talk to you after seeing you in the bar the other night.’

    ‘Do you now.’ You say, nonplus. This is your first real chance to get a good look at the man. He is tall and wire-thin, with a thick brown beard dominating his face. He won’t like you thinking this, but there is something rat-like about him, and he just looks better than all the folks around here. Cleaner, well fed and generally seems healthier. From is waistcoat, you would say a city boy, a city boy with money at that.

    ‘Yes, I have come out here to see what support I can find. I had to do something before Heart becomes Global Admin, that’s going to happen for sure. That could mean war, real war. I knew it could be bad if the vote went the wrong way, but I never thought it would be this bad! Look at it, a bio generator, Mini-Bots, and is that an auto breakfast set over there? Do they have any idea how much a working one of them would fetch in London?
    Madness.’

    ‘This isn’t London.’ You say. ‘Just who are you, and what do you want with me?’

    ‘I suppose this isn’t London.’ He says, is that regret in his voice. ‘Sorry, where are my manors. I’m Doctor Richard Lee from the Institute of Earth Space Science and I need your help.’

    ‘What can a Lion Babe want with me?’

    ‘Now that’s a common misconception. Institute of Earth Space Science is a totally different entity from the Institute of Space Science, even if we do work together. I’m not a Lion Babe.’

    ‘That’s what you get when you elect a teen idol. Oh, babe, you rock my world, in fact, all worlds, tonight and all nights if you let me babe. Or however, the stupid lyric goes.’

    ‘But we didn’t elect him. I explained it’s not even the same group, is that so hard to understand? Didn’t I say that clearly?’
    ‘Well, maybe not.’

    ‘Oh come on. Look are you going to help or not?’ Richard said, sounding annoyed.

    ‘You haven’t said what you want with me, just that you work for someone, that has one word different to something else, at least that is what I think you were saying.’

    ‘Haven’t I?’ Richard said puzzled. ‘Well, maybe not but I thought it was obvious. I want you to help in the fight against the madness, to take on these returnists head on, to show that they can’t have it all their own way. When, and I mean WHEN, Dabria Heart takes office there could well be a war, using airless tech I might add, how hypocritical is that! So before then we must stand up and be counted, otherwise, well I hate to think.’

    ‘Really, you and the few that might follow you can make water flow uphill, stop the sun from rising? These things don’t come out of the blue, they build up over time and when the moment is right they explode. While I applaud the sentiment, you have to be realistic in what you can achieve, and I still can’t work out why you think I can help you with any of this.’

    ‘You must see how important you could be. You’re a Void Walker for heaven’s sake, the stuff of legends. I came to the reclaim looking for tough people, who understood what we have to gain by looking to the stars and well found no one. Apart from you! A VOID WALKER!’

    ‘And.’ You say, not seeing why he is getting so worked up.

    ‘Come on!’

    ‘You said that before.’

    ‘Void Walker. The people that guide the ships across space, without people like you we couldn’t keep the dream going. You are the men and women that broke the trade syndicate and brought freedom to the solar system, why even on Earth the work you do is well known. Many a settlement in the dust would have gone without if it wasn’t for your kind. Someone like you could lead people, we could rally behind you.’

    ‘I’m a drunk, that hasn’t picked up their tools in 5 years, let alone Walked. The only reason I can still call myself a Walker, is because the guild has lost track of me. No, I’m better going for a drink. Anyway, most things pass me by now, I have forgotten so much, that’s just fine with me.’ You turn to go, it is now time for that drink.

    ‘That’s not true. You knew about Lion Cat.’

    ‘Did I.’ You say, not looking back. ‘One word of advice friend, many think that the cat has been scared away, so the rats have come out to play. You saw that in the bar the other night. If you carry on, then you will bring issues to your door.’

    ‘I welcome that.’

    ‘It’s your life.’ Are your parting words.

    Later, as you have done more times than you can count, you stagger back to your room, up the cram stairs to the attic above Mises White’s Bakery, for some reason she is letting you stay for free, which is mad, as you have the money to buy this place ten times over.

    So far so normal, yet, tonight, you don’t go straight to sleep, instead, you open a battered box hidden under the small table. There you take out a brown medicine bottle containing a single grey pill. You rattle the pill around the box, letting it settle, before doing it again. You know what this is, the fog of drink can’t block that. This is a bio router, take this, and you will be connected to the ether again, where your memories are stored, all what you have lost. The knowledge, happiness and …

    There you stop, some places need to be avoided, that is why you do what you do. Yet for some reason, you keep on looking at the bottle and the pill, until you fall asleep, looking at the dam thing.

    Then you dream. Really dream. For the first time in forever.

    Flashes, lights, images, all in the fog, parts from your past, hit into each other. So much here to take in, where to start, where will it end?
    ‘You know what they carry?’ A voice says.

    The fog turns a deep red. Is it even fog? Could this be the haze of the void between dimensions, the gap?

    Champagne bottles pop, glasses overflow. Company people, cables trailing from their forms, look at you. Apart from the suited and booted man, no tech juts from him, he is looking at the away glass above his head, like a halo.

    ‘To the person who makes this journey possible, showing that the status quo can be challenged.’

    The image is popped by a tentacle, pushing into the haze. Then, another and another and another. A forest of them. Needle-like but still tentacles.
    A laugh like wind or wind like a laugh whips across, narrating the dread you once felt. If you look you know what you would see in bits of the void, masks, white masks always laughing. You get the sense they are everywhere.

    ‘If you do this then the guild will come. Look at the credit notes, they come from them, the sand has moved.’ A masked man says, kneeling on the floor, cradling his arm, the hand is missing, bleeding, blood pouring out.

    ‘You’re masters should have never gone to the guild.’ You hear your voice say, but not from your lips.

    ‘Why’s that?’

    ‘Because I have to walk away, and I really like my job.’ You say, before a dark figure appears, hefting a large sword in one hand than two, holding it high, before it swings down, picking up speed and then a head.

    Clean off it falls, rolling away from the body.

    Did that really happen?

    The figure stays in the dream, not fading like everything else, there is a new job at hand. Fighting tentacles. Moving with grace, they are cut down, with the figure soaring through the haze, akin to an eagle. As this happens something new appears, a shadow. It seems to be dancing, having fun, removed from everything else that is happening.

    ‘Can you really make a pink unicorn?’ a new voice says, sweet and innocent, clear as a bell.

    ‘Oh yes, anything can be made in the void sweetheart. It is only the human mind, which can stay whole. Nothing else can, that’s why us Void Walkers are needed to keep ships together, to guide them and fight the fears we bring with us. As well as the void itself.’

    A wall slices a tentacle in two. Then more appear, as if growing out of the void. It’s clear the figure is making them, the Void Walker, is that you? Does it matter?

    The figure then brings his walls together, they link, like parts of a jigsaw puzzle. Until this person stands upon the ramparts of their very own fairy castle, complete with tall white towers, each topped with a simple but grand flag.

    Then the building accelerates. From 0 to light speed, in a blink of an eye, smashing through what is left in the haze, until it is just a spec on the horizon. An arrow of a spaceship follows fast, trying to keep up.

    ‘You had your fun, proved how good you were, what price you could get for your skills on the open market, but now that’s going to change, be smart take the money. Look we are not even asking you to work for us.’ A voice says, was this the man, who had his hand cut off?

    Then it stops speaking. The shadow still dances. Now at the top of a hill. Is she running down it? No falling, she is falling down and a lake waits for her. You run, you’re sure you are running. Without the tools, the full power of your trade you’re not going to make it. She is just moments away from hitting the water. What can you do?

    A pink unicorn stabs you through the heart. Nothing can be done.

    With a jolt, you wake.

    That evening, you stand in the scrubbed white room of the medical centre. So much has happened, you feel drained but you must carry on. Now in this room of hash lights, just of the main ward, you are faced with a doctor. She is tall and maybe in any other walk of life, the word radiant could have applied. From the set of her features, she could be Polynesian, you can’t say for sure.

    ‘Well, Doc?’

    ‘Her mum and dad, have turned up. They are sitting with her as we speak.’ The Doctor says, in a soft voice.

    ‘That’s not what I mean, what are her chances?’

    ‘She has some, thanks to you, with it being null built there is nothing we can do, from a surgical standpoint. We are just going to have to hope, that the meds can do their job. It’s in the lap of the gods.’

    ‘Really, nothing else can be done?’ You say, sounding desperate.

    ‘No.’ The doctor says. ‘Not without the gun, you know how these things work, as someone who works with null tech? ’

    ‘You’re sure?’

    ‘Yes, positive.’

    ‘Dam.’ You say you have no other choice now. ‘Doc, can you sort out a reset?’

    About noon it happened. You had spent the morning not doing a lot, there seemed to be nothing to do. The dreams had left you drained. You remembered them as clear as day and that had never happened before. What was wrong with you?

    To try and clear your head you go over to the window, opening it, letting in the stifling air. The sun is intense this time of year. So when you see the people in the back ally with offers no shade, you are surprised. That’s why you focus on them.

    Marcy slams Richard against the wall. The two goons with her give out a snigger.

    ‘Oh Richard, what would your girlfriend, sorry ex-girlfriend say, if she could see you now.’ Marcy said, taking ominous delight in her words and actions.
    ‘What can you know about her?’ Richard said, seeming surprised.

    ‘More than you can imagine. I think I know you better than anyone, Richard Ben Lee. A number of birds have been singing their songs about you. Oh, Richard, you haven’t been discreet. It can’t be a surprise, that someone like me wouldn’t pay you a visit. There is no place for you now, the world has moved on. Why you acted out your sad little fantasy, I have no idea. Was it because you were dumped?’

    ‘No.’ Then you saw it on his face, something snapped. ‘Maybe, it doesn’t matter. Now I see what we have to do. You may get what you want, but others didn’t, it wasn’t clear what we were voting for! Now we have to stand up, ask for what we now need, shape the days to come, show bullies like you, that you won’t control the narrative.’

    Marcy’s face formed a cruel grin. ‘Nice speech, meaningless but nice. You know that you have just brought this issue upon yourself.’

    Then she took a few steps back.

    You watch. Frozen. You should shout. Scream. One thing is going to happen.

    Shots fired. The gun speaks, hot Lead makes its mark. Richard didn’t stand a chance. Now he has just slumped meat on the floor and a bloody stain on the wall. Life over.

    You watch Marcy spit on the body. She was so fast, you didn’t see the guns move. It is clear she is a Void Walker, you knew that, from when you first saw her. Yet now you see her in action, you know she is not current, she cannot get to the void, the power in her blood is switched off.
    ‘Did we have to do that?’ One of the goons asks, he looks worried.

    ‘Yes, it is the only way to show them. We will leave the body here as a warning, without a witness, no one will pay the credits to look into this. They will then know to fear us, this is our time.’

    ‘You’re sure?’

    ‘Yes.’

    Everything that happened next, seemed to be in slow motion. At least for you.

    There was a sound. A small cry. Maybe a single footstep. The flash of a muzzle. A girl, Alice, hits the dirt.

    Without turning to look, Marcy had hit her.

    ‘Oh, god, oh god, oh god.’ A goon blurts out in shock. ‘We shouldn't have done that.’

    ‘Relax, one more body isn’t going to make a difference, without eyes on it we are fine. Come on, let’s get a drink before we are seen.’

    ‘Really?’ Says the other goon, who had not spoken as yet.

    With the sun setting that day, you dig into the dust and the earth, with your bare hands. Hours before it would have hurt, but not now, with all systems restored. Messages, symbols and shapes, hover in your sight. The head-up display tells you how much digging is left until you reach the goal.
    Alice was lucky, for now at least. You reached her just in time, and thanks to her upgrades, she was just hanging on to life. How her parents could afford them, you had no idea. Still, without them, she would be gone. Now time was running out, the medical centre could only do so much, your money could only go so far. Yet this wasn’t going to be a little girl you failed, not again, not this time.
    Your hands reach it.

    All but trembling, you lift the items into the last rays of this day’s sun. The first is a toy that has seen better days. Stuffed, pink, with insides trying to make a bid for freedom, is a well-loved unicorn.

    The other item is larger, wrapped in cloth. You pull that away revealing the tool of your trade. The blade seems to be formed of crystal, with a rainbow within its structure. Its edge looks wickedly sharp. While at the cross-guard, is its beating heart, the interlocking wheels and springs that gives its power.

    A null blade.

    There is a rush, air flashing past, then nothing. True nothing, not black, no, but a hazy red. You have entered the void between dimensions, the gap. You are falling and not falling, both are true and nothing is. That is the power of the void.

    At the same time also falling, near but far, is Marcy. You brought her here, it is your best chance to take her on, she would have been too quick otherwise, and only here, is a sword a match for a gun.

    It all comes back, the skills, the technique, the state of mind, you stand, sword in defence position. Then you run, with all you have. The head-up display, counts down the distance to the target, as meaningless as that is. As well as the amount of time left, before you must go.
    Then it starts. Marcy becomes a blaze in your vision, getting larger with each step taken. Then they come. Bullets.

    Air full of anger. Your vision is covered with lines tracking and predicting where they will end. Mostly in your soft body.

    Your arm becomes a blur, moving the blade faster than it is possible to think. Cutting those lines in the display at just the right moment, using the edge of the blade, to block death.

    What a rush. You had forgotten what this was like.

    Without trying you reach Marcy.

    Your sword crashes with the crystal barrel of her gun. She is just holding you at bay, you can feel the heat coming off her form. The black, acrid smoke balloons of her.

    ‘I saw what you did. There were eyes upon you, I have come for your guns. She isn’t dead, yet.’ You strain, trying to overpower her, weapons locked.

    ‘It won’t matter, I will kill you, then everyone else, they should have never taken the void away from me!’ She says the rage in her eyes is more then you have ever seen in a person. Marcy is empty, apart from that one feeling, you are sure of that. She just wants the world to burn.

    The sand whips of the desert that is now under your feet. The fake sun blazes down upon you and you are still trying to push her one gun away.
    One gun. What about the other?

    That’s when she brings it into play. Moving it up with her other hand, just able to block you one-handed. How? Well no time to understand that, she is about to shoot you at point blank range. To kill, to destroy, to take your life, and leave a void behind.

    Well no.

    The trigger is pulled. It recoiled, ejaculating its missile.

    The stuff clown appears in front of you. Formed by your will. The shot is blocked. Then it is gone, you no longer need it.

    ‘What the hell.’ Are Marcy’s last words. A pink horn is smashed through her, from the back to the front. There it sticks out for all to see, a part of a pink unicorn summoned by you. It seemed apt.

    Now, you get ready to move on. Alice was saved, you did it. What you made in the void, has changed how you see the world and yourself. You still hate yourself, the self-loathing is as strong as ever. Now it’s for being weak, for giving in to drink.
    Well no more.

    Richard couldn’t change the world, but he was right people do need to stand up, otherwise bad things will keep on happening.

    Now as you walk this dusty open road, a new backpack upon your body, you think carefully about what you are going to do next. What you can achieve.
    my blog: Hidden Content

  2. #2
    I had a quick read but also checked your introduction. I understand where you're coming from - your dyslexia could affect your writing style so I will talk a VERY LITTLE on some grammatical, conventional and spelling errors then talk about the contents.

    It is somewhat difficult to follow when you use second person narration. I am not personally used to this kind of writing so I'll practise reading and re-read yours. Why would you use this method?

    There seems to be a mixture of tenses including past and present. Although this doesn't confuse me at all, it's about elegance in writing and that elegance usually stems from consistency in use of a single tense. Typically, novelists use past tense.

    It appears that much of the short story is thoughts-oriented. I'd rather want to see more action than thoughts - there seems to be an overloaded description of thoughts.

    I think you've put a great deal of efforts and probably very hard work into writing it and I shall commend you on that. However, try breaking down into smaller sentences. I would strongly recommend getting a guide on how to write with correct grammar, with explanations on simple to compound and complex sentences, dependent and independent clauses and use of connective words and conjunctions.

    Subject-matter-wise, I think the story is very interesting. It is quite obscure to me but let me reread it a few more times and I will get back to you on that soon.

  3. #3
    Thank you for reading it Azu. I think a lot of issues for this story comes from the fact I have gone second-person, I think I was overreaching a bit. I was trying to put read into shoes of the nameless protagonist and also trying to keep the story gender neutral as well. Doing this came at the expanse of making it easy to read and maybe why lost track of my tenses. I think the feedback you have given could be very useful going forward.
    my blog: Hidden Content

  4. #4
    Also, consider using read & write. Just google it, and download the trial version. The basic features are enough for a person with dyslexia for writing stories. When it expires you won't have access to the premium features. Which is for educational purposes. It works inside Microsoft Word, for free. I have dyslexia. Get a program that is cheap to check for grammar inside word. Prowriting aid is worth 50, but the price is going up to 60 after 2018 ends.
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

  5. #5
    the large brim of the hat you ware.
    wear/ware
    Your eyes are locked onto her ample chest were her arms are folded
    were/where
    Like you, she as touched infinity and controlled it.
    as/has
    Today is the day that the people get there world returned!
    there/their
    we don't need there tech and we are not going to be dictated to.
    there/their
    Now they are going to regret what they have done to them self's
    themselves, plural, not possessive.
    hope to the gods that you won’t taste the dam thing.
    God and Gods take a capital; dam/damn
    for some reason there pull isn't enough to drag you in.
    there/their. That is three, I shall leave it to you to check for more now.
    Sorry, where are my manors. I’m Doctor Richard Lee
    manors/manners
    to the attic above Mises White’s Bakery,
    Mrs; married woman, abbreviation of 'Mistress'. Miss; single woman; Misses, plural of Miss.
    all what you have lost.
    What/that
    ‘You’re masters should have never gone to the guild.’
    You're, abbreviation of 'you are' / your.
    hefting a large sword in one hand than two,
    rather than/then?
    It’s in the lap of the gods.’
    Gods, capital.
    people in the back ally with offers no shade,
    ally/alley ; with/which?
    the interlocking wheels and springs that gives its power.
    'That give it power' or 'That give it its power'; wheels and springs, so plural.
    The sand whips of the desert that is now under your feet
    of/off
    [QUOTE]The trigger is pulled. It recoiled, ejaculating its missile. [QUOTE] ejaculating/ejecting

    I think I missed a dam/damn somewhere , noticed it as I was copying something else, one for you to find. Most of those are homonyms, but spell check would have found 'alley'.

    Nice story, I enjoyed that.

  6. #6
    Thank you for respond Olly, that is very useful, glad you enjoy it. Theglasshouse I do use an older version of read and write maybe should look into that, I currently use the free version of Grammly to improve what I type.
    my blog: Hidden Content

  7. #7
    Sorry, it seems I am wrong about gods always taking a capital, only if it refers to the one God, thank you for drawing my attention to this JustRob, we live and learn
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
    Hidden Content

    A thread of links useful to writers wishing to learn
    Piglet's picks. Hidden Content

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