Capturing the Wind

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  1. #1

    Capturing the Wind

    Capturing the Wind

    It goes as swift as a horse of Jedi,
    Howling through many a naked tree.
    Sweeping snow away for a thousand miles,
    crazily, but captured by my poetry.
    Last edited by xiaoman; December 4th, 2018 at 01:26 AM.
    Chinese and English journal, Poetry Hall 诗殿堂. Paperback $5.99

    Hidden Content

    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zeng

  2. #2
    hello - this is an interesting poem - a mix of original ideas and odd references.
    a short poem, so every word counts.

    it goes - is not a great start, for a poet - use your imagination - galloping etc, since you have a horse metaphor

    howling - is a bang on cliche, which again shows a lack of imagination - I like naked tree - but 'many a' is clunky
    put it in the plural, perhaps

    Sweeping snow away for a thousand miles - does it? - doesn't wind bring the snow? - get real with it

    the final self-reference is cute - but only works if you nail work on that to bring it home

    find the sublime within the murk
    then throw in a rhyme to make it work

  3. #3
    Thank you Ned! I really appreciate it!

    I will improve it later. Galloping is a good word. I could not think of it !

    Here is the second bilingual journal by Poetry Hall, I wonder if I could put it here? If not please let me know thanks a lot fit your clicks! Best wishes to you all!
    Last edited by Gumby; December 11th, 2018 at 01:45 AM. Reason: removed link to book
    Chinese and English journal, Poetry Hall 诗殿堂. Paperback $5.99

    Hidden Content

    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zeng

  4. #4
    xiaoman, I always enjoy reading your work.. you have a unique poetic voice... as ned said, this could be improved with some thought and careful word selection, but still, a fun read... I have missed you and your poetry, it is wonderful to hear from you
    Check out the exciting Poetry Hill !!

    If you are a writer, reach a reader
    If you are a fighter, teach a leader
    If you are a lover, touch a leper
    If this has helped you, thank you, reader

    If you can read this, teach a thinker

    Author: Lynn Loschky

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  5. #5
    Some lovely images in this. I think if you cut the first three words, 'it goes as' , so it started with 'swift' would improve that first line. I get what you are saying here and I like the idea.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka


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