Capturing the Wind

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Thread: Capturing the Wind

  1. #1

    Capturing the Wind

    Capturing the Wind

    It goes as swift as a horse of Jedi,
    Howling through many a naked tree.
    Sweeping snow away for a thousand miles,
    crazily, but captured by my poetry.
    Last edited by xiaoman; December 4th, 2018 at 01:26 AM.
    Call for submissions Hidden Content

    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  2. #2
    hello - this is an interesting poem - a mix of original ideas and odd references.
    a short poem, so every word counts.

    it goes - is not a great start, for a poet - use your imagination - galloping etc, since you have a horse metaphor

    howling - is a bang on cliche, which again shows a lack of imagination - I like naked tree - but 'many a' is clunky
    put it in the plural, perhaps

    Sweeping snow away for a thousand miles - does it? - doesn't wind bring the snow? - get real with it

    the final self-reference is cute - but only works if you nail work on that to bring it home

    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  3. #3
    Thank you Ned! I really appreciate it!

    I will improve it later. Galloping is a good word. I could not think of it !

    Here is the second bilingual journal by Poetry Hall, I wonder if I could put it here? If not please let me know thanks a lot fit your clicks! Best wishes to you all!
    Last edited by Gumby; December 11th, 2018 at 01:45 AM. Reason: removed link to book
    Call for submissions Hidden Content

    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  4. #4
    xiaoman, I always enjoy reading your work.. you have a unique poetic voice... as ned said, this could be improved with some thought and careful word selection, but still, a fun read... I have missed you and your poetry, it is wonderful to hear from you
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  5. #5
    Some lovely images in this. I think if you cut the first three words, 'it goes as' , so it started with 'swift' would improve that first line. I get what you are saying here and I like the idea.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  6. #6
    cool lovely images.

  7. #7
    A Parody of Leisure
    After reading Leisure by W.H.Davies

    by xiaoman Dec.16,2018

    What is this life if, one drives thousands of miles,
    Without giving happy and relaxed smiles.

    No time to meet his lover's tender eyes,
    And see birds fly joyfully in the sky.

    No time for a gym workout and jog outside,
    But fix eyes on the small window day and night.

    No time to help his parents shovel snow,
    But plays and throws the dice in a casino.

    No time to enjoy roses and gentle spring breeze,
    But in his room smokes crazily like a chimney.

    This will be a poor life that wastes time,
    It should't be led in one's years of prime.
    Call for submissions Hidden Content

    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  8. #8
    Xiaoman - The wind can whistle, howl and do all those things. I'm very glad you caught it and thanks for sharing some of it here. Namyh


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