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  1. #1

    Opinions

    I won't go into details about my book other than saying its Sci-Fi based. One aspect I have struggled with was a short synopsis. I don't want it to give too much away but give a slight hint. this is what I just came up with and was looking for opinions.


    Sometimes the fear of the unknown can bring out the best and the worst in mankind. Heroes will arise and villains will emerge. Some will face their fears whilst others will run.

    Childhood friends Aaron and Nathan didnít need to think too long on which they would do.

    Find a safe place and hide. The two friends and their loved ones flee the city hoping to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world.

    Is there such a thing as safety when you donít even know if there is a danger? For the two friends, the events that are about to unfold are more horrifying than either could have ever imagined.

  2. #2
    I would advise you to avoid any tautology and be definite:-

    Sometimes the fear of the unknown can brings out the best and the worst in mankind. Heroes will arise and villains will emerge. Some will face their fears whilst others will run.

    I have bolded things you could cut. So not 'sometimes' or 'can', avoid these qualifying words, and who else but mankind could these things arise in? Moving the last sentence from an indefinite future to a definite present helps too.

    'Childhood friends Aaron and Nathan didnít need to think too long on which they would do.'

    This is sort of whimsical sounding, state things directly 'It was obvious what childhood friends Nathan and Aaron would do.'

    'Find a safe place and hide. The two friends and their loved ones flee the city hoping to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world.'
    That works.


    "Is there such a thing as safety when you donít even know if there is a danger? For the two friends, the events that are about to unfold are more horrifying than either could have ever imagined. "
    This you could cut down
    Is there safety when you donít know there is danger? Horrifying events unfold for the two friends.
    I would count 'than either could imagine' as qualifying the horror. Never mind 'about to', its happening now, read it! The words 'immediate' and 'imperative' are good ones for the sort of thing that instantly attracts in a blurb.

    Of course I don't know the story, so I might have changed the meaning inappropriately in some way, but I hope it helps illustrate the principle.
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  3. #3
    I flatlined briefly while reading your blurb.
    Yes, it bored me to death.


    With a blurp or jacket text, you have gotta have a hook up-front. You have to grab their interest in the first 2 lines or they'll never read the next paragraph, let alone buy the book.

    Here's an example of a hook from a book I haven't written yet:

    In 2018, scientists from the X2b Project used a laser to send a coded beam to ten of the closest stars.
    In the year 2025 they replied.

    Intended as a way to say hello to an alien species, they had never really expected a response....

  4. #4
    Those first lines should make the reader think "Oooh, that sounds cool..."

  5. #5
    Thanks for the replies. As I mentioned its something I have struggled with. Must try harder )

  6. #6
    The best way to test a book blurb is to read it in a big announcer voice. If it doesn't sound like a movie you'd wanna see, then it ain't right.

  7. #7
    Member Guard Dog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ralph Rotten View Post
    I flatlined briefly while reading your blurb.
    Yes, it bored me to death.


    With a blurp or jacket text, you have gotta have a hook up-front. You have to grab their interest in the first 2 lines or they'll never read the next paragraph, let alone buy the book.

    Here's an example of a hook from a book I haven't written yet:

    In 2018, scientists from the X2b Project used a laser to send a coded beam to ten of the closest stars.
    In the year 2025 they replied.

    Intended as a way to say hello to an alien species, they had never really expected a response....
    Question: Did they get a response from just one star, or all ten of 'em?

    'Cause where one might cause a bit of excitement and anxiety, I'm pretty sure all ten answering would cause coronary events and/or severe loss of bowel control throughout the staff members of that project.





    G.D.
    Let me be painfully clear: I do not know what the hell I'm doing with this writing thing.
    And if I suddenly start acting like I do, would somebody please punch me in the head?
    Thanks.
    G.D.

    "The world is not what we wish it to be; it is what it is."

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Guard Dog View Post
    Question: Did they get a response from just one star, or all ten of 'em?

    'Cause where one might cause a bit of excitement and anxiety, I'm pretty sure all ten answering would cause coronary events and/or severe loss of bowel control throughout the staff members of that project.





    G.D.
    A good blurb, you will have to read the book to find out, shame it isn't written yet
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
    Hidden Content

    A thread of links useful to writers wishing to learn
    Piglet's picks. Hidden Content

  9. #9
    Member Moonbeast32's Avatar
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    I'm no expert when blurb-ing, but as is the case with most forms of advertising, you must showcase the best things about your product. So whats the best thing about your story?
    Oh say, what is truth? 'Tis the fairest gem
    That the riches of worlds can produce,
    And priceless the value of truth will be when
    The proud monarch's costliest diadem
    Is counted but dross and refuse.

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