when a spider dies

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  1. #1

    when a spider dies

    .
    when a spider dies
    nobody cries
    there's no surprise

    when a spider dies
    there are no tearful eyes
    as it slowly dries

    frozen in the moment
    before becoming dead
    feet clasped in prayer
    hanging by a thread

    when a spider dies
    nobody cries

    least of all
    the flies
    Last edited by ned; October 17th, 2018 at 08:28 PM. Reason: religious conotations

  2. #2
    Sad but true.

    I enjoyed the mischievous fun but the third line feels a bit clunky. Maybe a short adjective would work better than 'no' ?

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  3. #3
    big surprise? Something short like this, maybe?
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  4. #4
    hello - thank you for reading and commenting

    I've changed the third line - unclunked?...............Ned

  5. #5
    Perfectly unclunked.

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