when a spider dies

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Thread: when a spider dies

  1. #1

    when a spider dies

    .
    when a spider dies
    nobody cries
    there's no surprise

    when a spider dies
    there are no tearful eyes
    as it slowly dries

    frozen in the moment
    before becoming dead
    feet clasped in prayer
    hanging by a thread

    when a spider dies
    nobody cries

    least of all
    the flies
    Last edited by ned; October 26th, 2018 at 11:06 AM. Reason: supernatural connotation

  2. #2
    Sad but true.

    I enjoyed the mischievous fun but the third line feels a bit clunky. Maybe a short adjective would work better than 'no' ?

  3. #3
    big surprise? Something short like this, maybe?
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  4. #4
    hello - thank you for reading and commenting

    I've changed the third line - unclunked?...............Ned

  5. #5

  6. #6

  7. #7
    This is an enjoyable poem with a bit of humor in the end.

    "hanging by a thread" -this line didn't work for me. I understand its value as a double entendre. However, I see it as a commonplace saying in the middle of an original work of art.

    Thank you for sharing this one with us Ned. Although the spider dies in the end, I see your talent for writing is alive and well.
    You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. -Maya Angelou

  8. #8
    thank you for reading and commenting.

    Inky, for me, 'hanging by a thread' is the best line in the poem, and pun intended, hangs it all together.

    it is because it is a common expression that it works, adding a twist to the concept.

    oh well, it takes all sorts.

    have to say, I'm flattered by 'original work of art'.......................Ned
    Last edited by ned; October 28th, 2018 at 07:57 AM. Reason: don't mess with my to to

  9. #9
    This is an excellent poem, clear and metrical.

  10. #10
    when a spider dies
    nobody does anybody criesy?
    there's no surprise

    when a spider slowly dies
    there are no tearful eyes
    as it slowly dries

    but, did you hear the crunch?

    frozen in the moment
    before becoming dead
    feet clasped in prayer
    hanging by a thread

    when a spider dies
    nobody cries

    least of all
    the flies


    Very light hearted poem. I offer a few suggestions and your last line is excellent!
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

    "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools will speak to say something." Plato

    "The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible."
    ​ Mark Twain

    "To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States." George W. Bush



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