when a spider dies - Page 2


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Thread: when a spider dies

  1. #11
    hello Pel - for me, your suggestions don't add anything - other than upsetting the rhythm and rhyme......don't you see that?

    but I thank you for reading and your input.........................Ned

  2. #12
    As I PM'd, so went back and reread and reread and yeah, my suggestions just are way out of form for your poem.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

    "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools will speak to say something." Plato

    "The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible."
    ​ Mark Twain

    "To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States." George W. Bush



  3. #13
    Agreed but still love!

  4. #14
    a four word comment - doesn't cut it for me.

    take the small amount of trouble to say something meaningful or don't bother!
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  5. #15
    when a spider slowly dies
    there are no tearful eyes

    I like this change.
    l like the overall feel of this poem!!

  6. #16
    thanks Jing - but you've got to explain how a spider slowly dies

    as I already said, it slowly dries.....................
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  7. #17
    when a spider dies
    nobody cries
    there's no surprise (Three successive, effective lines, with rhyming style, that quickly bring the reader into the tone and set the rhythm for the poem. Effective and nicely done!)

    when a spider dies (Repetition to set the mold, to focus on the image and the idea.)
    there are no tearful eyes (True.)
    as it slowly dries (Spiders dry up and turn into detritus that is eaten or disposed of- a true statement mixed with "slowly" to give it poetic prowess.)

    frozen in the moment
    before becoming dead
    feet clasped in prayer
    hanging by a thread (A resounding image that you contrast by giving it human characteristics that effectively give the spider character, also pointing back to the silk that they use to catch flies, and other insects, with. Nice.)

    when a spider dies
    nobody cries (Bringing it back to the core.)

    least of all
    the flies (Great finish!)

    Good work Ned! I didn't have any suggestions because I think you've captured this well. Very original. Good work matey!

  8. #18
    For me, this was a deceivingly simple poem which actually made a wider comment about how we value some human lives more than others.

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