The Voices Inside

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Thread: The Voices Inside

  1. #1
    New Member Darsenpai's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
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    The Voices Inside

    I spent my life your way,
    Not once did I have a say,
    It was like my words weren't mine,
    Not once did I see a sign,
    There was no hope,
    And I didn't understand the scope.

    I never felt alive,
    I never felt like I could thrive,
    The voices always won the war,
    Always on the other side of the door,
    Closing me off from the light,
    Making me feel afraid to fight.

    The Voices inside were too loud,
    They tore me apart and acted proud,
    My heart and soul were nothing to you,
    I was left with no knowledge of what to do,
    I can't stop the Voices inside my mind,
    They shout scream and leave me blind.

    I'm tired of hiding away,
    I'm tired of not having a say,
    I want to leave to fight back,
    I want to get out of this pit of black,
    The Voices inside will not rule me,
    I will be okay and heal you will see.

    Nothing has changed yet I am alright,
    Nothing is different but I've learned to fight,
    I've learned to survive and heal,
    I've learned to ignore and deal,
    The Voices have no control,
    The Voices do NOT control my soul.

    I am shattered and I am broken,
    The words in head are words you've all spoken,
    My heart and soul are torn apart,
    I will never fully fix my heart,
    But I will wear my broken pieces with pride,
    I will no longer cower and hide.

    The Voices Inside Have No Voice,
    Listening To Them Is No Longer A Choice,
    I Will Silence Them And Ignore,
    I Will Open My Heart And Learn To Sore,
    I Am Broken But I Am Whole,
    I Am Broken But I Still Have My Soul.

  2. #2
    hello - an engaging poem, and full marks for taking on a difficult subject with a tight rhyme scheme.

    but the title and the constant references took away the intrigue for me -

    a lot is said here, but it lacks insight - going for vague abstractions that anyone could have guessed at, instead of details
    that would make it more personal and original.

    what would the actual symptoms be like? - how would the voices sound, what would they say?
    and let the readers unravel the message.

    cheers............................................ Ned

  3. #3
    The poem explains feelings rather than shows them. This forces the reader to be an observer rather than a participant. Try to write how it feels, rather than explain the feelings. Where does it hurt? What colour is the pain? What does it taste like? What music do you hear? Write about things, not abstract concepts. Lead the reader to feel the abstract by showing the concrete.

  4. #4
    New Member Darsenpai's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
    In a Pit With Satan
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    Those are good points but it's not my style of writing. My whole style is Explanation, I get the point of Feeling, Hearing, Seeing but it's not the way I write my personal Poetry. I feel doing it any other way would be going against myself and the way I write.

    My style is Observation, not Participation. Though I understand that style turns people away from poetry like this.

  5. #5
    wallpaper starts and finishes in the same place
    The only one who can heal you is you.


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