How does this synopsis sound for a teen book about AI?

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  1. #1

    How does this synopsis sound for a teen book about AI?

    "Fourteen-year-old Esperanza Suarez is a budding computer scientist, whose penchant for coding is drowning her in a sea of rivals and bullies as she navigates her freshman year of high school. When Esperanza’s abuelita introduces her to the enigmatic field of artificial intelligence in an attempt to lift her granddaughter’s spirits, Esperanza is galvanized into crafting a brilliant work of engineering: an artificial intelligence robot cat named Alan Purring. But when Alan Purring spirals out of control, will Esperanza be able to return him to sanity and prove her worth to her classmates and the world? Or will her rogue creation embark on a mission of destruction, razing everything in his path to the ground?"

  2. #2
    Is this meant to be a back-of-the-book blurb, or for a query to an agent, or... some other purpose?

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Bayview View Post
    Is this meant to be a back-of-the-book blurb, or for a query to an agent, or... some other purpose?
    Back of the book. Also, teen meaning around 6th-8th grade. So younger teens.

  4. #4
    For 6th-8th graders, I think your vocabulary is a bit elevated. Penchant, enigmatic, galvanized, etc.

    I'd also suggest shorter paragraphs.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Bayview View Post
    For 6th-8th graders, I think your vocabulary is a bit elevated. Penchant, enigmatic, galvanized, etc.

    I'd also suggest shorter paragraphs.
    Thanks so much!

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by defrost View Post
    "Fourteen-year-old Esperanza Suarez is a budding computer scientist, whose penchant for coding is drowning her in a sea of rivals and bullies as she navigates her freshman year of high school. When Esperanza’s abuelita introduces her to the enigmatic field of artificial intelligence in an attempt to lift her granddaughter’s spirits, Esperanza is galvanized into crafting a brilliant work of engineering: an artificial intelligence robot cat named Alan Purring. But when Alan Purring spirals out of control, will Esperanza be able to return him to sanity and prove her worth to her classmates and the world? Or will her rogue creation embark on a mission of destruction, razing everything in his path to the ground?"
    It's pretty good. Maybe it could be better, though. I can't put my finger on anything specific, but will think about it. Hopefully I'll have something that shows what I mean later.

  7. #7
    It could be an interesting story.
    If that is a jacket blurb then you need more of a hook to it. Maybe something right at the top.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by defrost View Post
    "Fourteen-year-old Esperanza Suarez is a budding computer scientist, whose penchant for coding is drowning her in a sea of rivals and bullies as she navigates her freshman year of high school. When Esperanza’s abuelita introduces her to the enigmatic field of artificial intelligence in an attempt to lift her granddaughter’s spirits, Esperanza is galvanized into crafting a brilliant work of engineering: an artificial intelligence robot cat named Alan Purring. But when Alan Purring spirals out of control, will Esperanza be able to return him to sanity and prove her worth to her classmates and the world? Or will her rogue creation embark on a mission of destruction, razing everything in his path to the
    ground?"
    Think of a back blurb as like a commercial. You need to grab the reader's attention, keep it and entertain, tantalize, all in a short amount of space. I suggest you go to a bookstore and read a lot of back blurbs.

    Some specific thoughts, in random order.

    If it were me, I'd start with freshman year of high school and the rivals and bullies. The age will be implied, and not really needed.

    I don't understand why her love of programming is causing problems with her classmates. Maybe be more direct about that. Do the other girls exclude her because of it?

    Galvanize doesn't seem quite accurate to me, in that sentence. And it's a pretty long sentence, like you're cramming a lot into a little space.

    Razing is a pretty archaic word. Does anyone in high school use it these days? If yes, keep it. If no, maybe switch it for something that will resonate with your intended audience.

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