A Paragraph


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Thread: A Paragraph

  1. #1

    A Paragraph

    None have ever lived on earth whose life was free of sin, but one who lived 2,000 years ago, namely Jesus Christ the Lord, who is the Son of God. And thus were all appointed to perish, to ever suffer the wrath of God, for the sins which they committed in their lives, because the sins which they committed were against a holy God. But God, being full of love and willing to save us all, sent His Son Christ Jesus into the world, who, born of a virgin, grew up and preached among His people, and healed many afflicted by any disease. And they scorned Him and put Him to death on a cross, but as He died thereon, He suffered the wrath of God for every man, and the blood that He shed atoned for the sins of all who did or ever would live. And in a tomb, they buried His body, but three days later He rose again. And He gives salvation to every man who puts their trust in Him, believing that He died, was buried, and revived, and that He died to pay the price for all their sins.
    Revision:
    Every man has sinned against God, who is a holy God, and thus were appointed to suffer eternal wrath. But God, being full of love, wanted to save us all, so He sent His Son Christ Jesus into the world. He was born of a virgin and lived among men, preaching and healing many diseased. But the world did scorn Him and put Him to death on a cross. But as He died upon that cross, He suffered God’s wrath for every man, atoning with His own blood for the sins of them all. And in a tomb, they buried His body, but three days later He rose again. And He gives salvation to every man who puts their trust in Him, who believes that He died, was buried, and revived; who believes that He died to pay for all their sins.
    Last edited by lumino; September 19th, 2018 at 10:10 PM.

  2. #2
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Lumino is this part of a bigger piece? I ask becaue right now it seems to be a very small piece of informative writing, which to me is just a retelling of the story of christ not an original piece of nonfictional writing on the religious subject.
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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by H.Brown View Post
    Lumino is this part of a bigger piece? I ask becaue right now it seems to be a very small piece of informative writing, which to me is just a retelling of the story of christ not an original piece of nonfictional writing on the religious subject.
    It's just a small piece, not part of a bigger one. I wouldn't consider it fiction.

  4. #4
    I would.
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  5. #5
    Moderan has given you the perfect platform to work from. To make a point or to share a philosophy you have to be able to teach the context and history behind your points. To make blanket statements without the history, is meaningless.

    Your audience is not going to be persuaded because you said so.

    Christ spoke in parables to clarify the points he was making and in words that every man of the time understood. Look at any of his lessons and realize that he was teaching a new generation the experiences and teachings of those from many hundreds of years to his current audience For you to make the same pointa you must also speak in today's language, using examples that anyone "today" can relate to. Teaching any philosophy is the ability to touch an inner truth that somehow strikes a cord with your listeners.

    When someone says I think this is fiction, it is up to you to be able to logically explain what you are claiming. Does he deny Christ existed or that he is son of God? Both can be answered.

    From someone who used to be involved in ministry, I can only tell you that it is your responsibility cast the net not fill it. At the same time there is a responsibility to have enough back ground and knowledge to speak effectively.


    It would have been better to put out the story and what brought you there. You posted the conclusion without the story, to the casual reader they would have tuned you out before your third sentence. Become the master of the story, it will hold those who listen and more importantly they will be primed to hear, not reject the message.


    This is a site of storytellers and it is the perfect place to learn the art of the story and hooking the reader or the listener. Good ministers and good writers all have one thing in common, they are good story tellers. For those the ministry the task is even more difficult because you are retelling a story that already most have heard.

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  6. #6
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Lumino I didn't say that it was fiction. This is however a retelling of the bible just in a simplified form. Which is why I questioned if it was part of something bigger, for example the introduction to a non-fiction essay on reglion, or theintroduction to a non-fictional essay on religion.

    At the moment you retell events from the bible, but you don't put your own information or spin on what you are saying. I failed to find the point to this writing, which lead me to question if non-fiction is the correct place for this paragraph. Can you please explain what you wished to achieve with this paragraph?
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  7. #7
    Actually it's more Christian dogma than anything else. The concept of the holy trinity was a marketing term coined by early Catholics, and all that stuff about Christ dying to pay for our original sins is pure dogma. The consumption of the apple was never a sin; it was a test, a metaphoric symbol of humanity's choice to go to the next level. Twas theologians who made it a sin as a justification to require observance of the faith. Later Catholics built a whole slew of services around it (communion, confirmation, etc.)

    sincerely
    a Catholic refugee.

  8. #8
    As for the paragraph's writing, it was really a lotta run-on sentences.

  9. #9
    H.Brown, It's just a short presentation of the gospel, for the purpose of persuading people to trust in Christ.

    Everyone, thanks for all the feedback.

    Plasticweld, I suppose it is necessary to lead the reader to the conclusion, rather than simply stating it.

    Ralph Rotten, why do you say that some of my sentences are run-ons? As far as I know, a run-on is a sentence that combines multiple clauses without connecting them with a word such as a conjunction. A sentence that is simply long, as far as I know, is not a run-on. Also, I checked the paragraph in grammarly: it found a few errors but none of them had anything to do with sentences being run-ons.

  10. #10
    None have ever lived on earth whose life was free of sin, but one who lived 2,000 years ago, namely Jesus Christ the Lord, who is the Son of God.
    This is not a run-on, but it's awkward as hell. So are the rest of these sentences. It's awful writing, honestly, which one has to strain to understand. I too question the purpose of the posting. What exactly are you trying to accomplish?

    It's just a short presentation of the gospel, for the purpose of persuading people to trust in Christ.
    Then it's evangelism, and I'm going to take it up with the management or go Dawkins on your ass.
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