A Hero's Farewell

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  1. #1

    A Hero's Farewell

    To the howl of chilling north-wind
    The seas roll pitch-black waves
    A hero lies amidst his ship
    Surrounded by his braves

    Praised by every bard
    And feared by every foe
    Pride of his kin and father
    And to his enemies woe

    Tonight we drink in silence
    Our hero's left this world
    May he now rest amidst his ship
    His hand upon his sword

    When dusk falls, you - our hero
    Will set at last your sails
    To land where sons meet fathers
    And where their swords won't fail

    Upon a bed of oak leaves
    And amber bits you lay
    A horn of mead in one hand
    And sword in the other stays

    When sun sets, you will set your sails
    Such is your final fate
    May Odin warmly welcome thee
    Into Valhalla's gates

    Though body yours and longship
    Is consumed by the flames
    Fear not, for in our war-songs
    We'll celebrate your fame

    Tonight we drink in silence
    Our hero's left this world
    May he now rest amidst his ship
    His hand upon his sword

    And as the burning embers
    Sink down into the sea
    We cry shall not, for know we
    In Odin's hall you'll be

    Look forth, for there your father
    And mother bids thee come
    Leave life of pain and sorrow
    And finally come home

    And as you rise to heavens
    In sacred flames so bright
    We raise our horns in the last toast
    For the last time your name cry

    Now farewell, our hero
    For you the valkyries fly
    And gates of great Valhalla
    Allfather opens wide

    Tonight we drink in silence
    Our hero's left this world
    He journeys to Valhalla
    His hand upon his sword

  2. #2
    It is always a pleasure to read your work! You are a natural storyteller, and you keep this moving along to the melancholy, beautiful end.... You set the mood with well placed imagery and poetic language, this sounds like a very old Ballad...

    At first read, I thought you could have tightened up the rhyme, but as I read it several more time, I think you did it very well, sometimes when trying to get a rhyme too exact, you run the risk of sounding like Dr. Seuss .... not that that is a bad thing .. but it would set a different vibe.... anyway, I enjoyed reading this beautifully penned poem, thank you...
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  3. #3
    This reads as a eulogy in the form of Norse Saga. But there's actually no saga. Be careful of incongruities: Stanza One speaks of "braves" which is not Norse but North American indigenous. In stanza five "lay" should be "lie". Lay requires an object.

  4. #4
    Member CrimsonAngel223's Avatar
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    This piece is so manly it hurts. In a good way of course, Although it needs periods which you forget to add.
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