Super Duper

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Thread: Super Duper

  1. #1

    Super Duper

    I
    Must try
    to toss away the instrument,
    my strings being plucked-
    plucked as I read
    these comments-
    hyper, hypocrite
    mob sensibility...


    but it's okay
    because we are
    truly righteous
    in our anger
    raining down upon them
    with great vengeance
    and fury.


    Brass knuckles
    and beating to death
    those high saluters
    and their backhand
    karate chopping
    to the sky,
    knocking blue pieces out of it
    gelatinous globs- those fat,
    piglike, pink-pasty oinkers,
    slurping, grunting away
    in their oversized, inbred,
    mongoloid tongues while arrayed
    in sweaty uniforms,
    how dare they square?
    Why, my grandfather fought for this country
    and kicked their asses
    way back in dub'ya - dub'ya...

    I feel righteous fury.
    I will disassemble them
    with great madness, anger,
    joy at my anger
    I am a joyful destroyer.
    Call me the Wrather-
    Put me in a comic book,
    super,
    duper...
    duper.
    I am so super!

  2. #2
    Who would dare be critical and risk such righteous wrath?
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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Olly Buckle View Post
    Who would dare be critical and risk such righteous wrath?
    please. one can only hope Readers: That wimpy guy? is a character only and not real. It's an 'Exaggeration'.


    Crit: The poem somewhat meanders or wanders suddenly changing from one stanza to the next. Although the author may indeed be an absolute, super duper prescient genius (considering the events of the last couple days), the poem fails as it comes across as disjointed, choppy, or missing connections. Some of the line breaks also feel like they're in the wrong place. Perhaps 'poorly stated', or just 'overstated', the poem is a poor attempt that fails to connect with the reader. The author needs to try again, or go with a different subject matter, but this one didn't work for me.

  4. #4
    Problem is I am not really qualified; I don't understand the basics of the poem, what it is saying. I mean, I understand the words, but not what they are getting at, Why 'we' for example with the righteous anger? Are there multiple persons involved? Is this a deity? Is it the royal we? I can see what it is saying, but I am unclear who it is saying it about.


    The sort of stuff in your critic am not good at, I have insufficient knowledge about poetry in the first place and insufficient understanding of the poem to judge what is or is not appropriate in the second, but it looked interesting enough to obliquely bump the thread and ask who might comment.
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  5. #5
    Olly, the 'we' is us 'mericans. I was going for the preachy voice, pulpit stuff, secular religionist. I wanted to give an impression of what I think is going on here. I think I would not 'get' political nuance of other places. I know nothing of poems, too. Just sort of guess and wing it. Impressionism is best I can call it. An impression something gives, or leaves.

  6. #6
    I can't say I know anything about poetry. I certainly can't offer a critique.

    I can say that this piece made me feel something. I can understand that it's good in a way I don't quite know how to describe.

    Is that the point of poetry? Not trying to be cheeky here. This may be the third piece of poetry I've ever read.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by NotMe View Post
    I can't say I know anything about poetry. I certainly can't offer a critique.

    I can say that this piece made me feel something. I can understand that it's good in a way I don't quite know how to describe.

    Is that the point of poetry? Not trying to be cheeky here. This may be the third piece of poetry I've ever read.
    The point of poetry? Hmm...
    The only thing I could do is offer examples. I don't read much poetry, either. One I did, about thirty years ago, was handed to me on a piece of scrap cardboard. While I was reading it I realized what it was about. It was all metaphor, autobiographical, and the saddest thing. I still feel it.
    Last edited by Kevin; August 14th, 2018 at 03:42 PM.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Kevin View Post
    The point of poetry? Hmm...
    The only thing I could do is offer examples. I don't read much poetry, either. One I did, about thirty years ago, was handed to me on a piece of scrap cardboard. While I was reading it I realized what it was about. It was all metaphor, autobiographical, and the saddest thing. I still feel it.
    I now firmly believe all poetry should come written on a scrap of cardboard. I suppose a cocktail napkin would suffice too.

  9. #9
    Wordsworth said something about poetry being emotion remembered in a quiet time.
    I don't think that any one medium for writing it on is per se better than others, it depends on the poem, one might be at home on scrap cardboard, another might call for Ariel size 16 on A4 paper. Poems are often not even alike, 'Exercise, compare the formal structures of the limerick and the various forms of sonnet'. Any general statement about poems is really hard to make.
    I think the point about emotion is important, emotion is more than the bare facts, and a good poem is more than the words. Then the emotion has to be real, or the falseness shines through, I can think of poems praising dictators, landscapes the poet has never seen, perfect heroes; and they are all forced word play and slightly repulsive, in the way too many photos of kittens are.
    I think I would not 'get' political nuance of other places.
    Another reason to limit my qualification for posting, I have known a few Americans, but that is not the same thing, only a taster. I do know they were all different from the America the media presents me with, but I guess people working in media all have an agenda of some sort.
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
    Hidden Content

    A thread of links useful to writers wishing to learn
    Piglet's picks. Hidden Content

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