Sunshine

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Thread: Sunshine

  1. #1
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    Aug 2018
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    Sunshine

    Sunshine
    by Dino Gonzalez
    https://soundcloud.com/dino_gonzalez/sunshine/s-WLB7u

    intro: [0:00]

    Verse 1: [0:26]
    ..
    ..
    Time slows down when I'm with you
    As you move along what I'm to do dududu dudu
    I barely even see the day
    compared to you the world seems so far away
    what am I to say

    Chorus: [1:00]
    Like the sun, you brighten my day
    but you are so far away
    Like a sand castle you're welcome to stay
    but you will soon float away
    if I could capture the happiness you bring
    the change would be night and day

    Verse 2: [1:23]
    there's plenty of things I wouldn't do
    but that list gets smaller when it comes to you
    and I know, I tend to get lost in your rhythm
    but I ain't got nothing, no problems for you
    there's a little place I meditate
    at the park at the lake in the parking lot outside at my house anywhere at all

    Chorus: [2:09]

    Verse 1: [2:30]

    I'm tired of looking through myself
    watching the night sky watching no one else
    I'm sitting here hop time brings you near
    hope you stick around like you found something dear
    and by the end of our life time I hope to be on many pictures on your night stand
    and if things go as planned we're laying hand by hand

    Chorus/Outre: [3:34]

    Notes:
    Its like a love song about never actually going out and finding someone, and instead, you just sitting there hoping someone comes for you. I didn't record this now. I dont have a clean way to record that was done outside of my job so I cant fix the issue where I stop and forget the lyrics. All the lyrics are the same as the ones written tho. One of several songs I want to compile into a CD, this particular one is pretty much done so I figured I can see what people think here before I get all pompous.

  2. #2
    I enjoyed the lyrics more than the recording. Yes, I wish I could hear something cleaner. Nice intro though.

    Also wanted to hop in on the drums with you, a nice easy 4-4 beat.

  3. #3
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    Aug 2018
    Location
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotMe View Post
    I enjoyed the lyrics more than the recording. Yes, I wish I could hear something cleaner. Nice intro though.

    Also wanted to hop in on the drums with you, a nice easy 4-4 beat.
    Thanks, there isn't much I can do about recording q_q. I have to be outside my workplace at 7 am when the parking lot is empty since I'm a house to about a thousand cats, dogs, and loud television watchers. Honestly, I'm a fan of simple songs like the kind The White Stripes would make. 9_9 I'm not too keen on my voice either. I'm just trying to build enough songs to release an album / tabs combo of acoustic songs. eh, none of what I make is too hard to play so 6_6 u know, easy stuff.

  4. #4
    I listened to the recording you posted and read along.

    Your intro is pushing FORTY seconds! Way, way too long. If you're just doing an album for a hobby project, then you are the final say on this. If you're wanting to send this to A&R to sell it to a mainstream musician, they will never hear the first word before they reject it.
    I think your chorus, in the rhythm it is sung, needs two more lines.
    The syllable counts in your verses are erratic and by the third verse you're singing so fast trying to smash all the syllables into the time signature that it's almost unintelligible to someone who doesn't have the lyrics in front of them.

    On a positive note, I do like the rhythm of the guitar and the upbeat melody, as well as the way the lyrics lend themselves to multiple syllables such as in the chorus where the word "away" is sung "awa-ay". Lots of word sculpting needs to happen (I think) to make this song ready to start recording, but that's just my take on the very little that I know.

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