Is this sentence grammatically correct?


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Thread: Is this sentence grammatically correct?

  1. #1

    Is this sentence grammatically correct?

    Please let me know if the following sentence (written in third person omniscient past) is grammatically correct or not?

    " The house was surrounded by a garden which becomes continuous with a half mile grassy patch in the south".

    Thanks


  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by kid009 View Post
    Please let me know if the following sentence (written in third person omniscient past) is grammatically correct or not?

    " The house was surrounded by a garden which becomes continuous with a half mile grassy patch in the south".

    Thanks

    No. There are a couple of errors.

    "The house was surrounded by a garden which becomes [became] continuous with a half mile grassy patch in [to?] the south."

    The changes I have made attempt to keep your voice the same, but it still sounds very awkward. There are far better ways of wording the sentence but it's difficult due to the lack of context..

    Maybe: The house was completely surrounded by garden, with a half-mile grassy patch to the south OR
    The house was completely surrounded by garden, with half a mile of grass to the south.

    Even those don't sound great though. Maybe the half mile of grass can be mentioned elsewhere rather than in one sentence?


  3. #3
    I agree with Phil--it's cumbersome, no mater what. Maybe:

    Viewed from the south, a half-mile-wide swath of grass flowed into a lush garden, which surrounded the house. ("completely surround" is redundant) Again, taking my cue from Phil, with no CONTEXT, I don' wanna play no more. . . . . . . .



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  4. #4
    Thanks a lot. I have made some changes and will greatly appreciate your feedback. I understand grammar alone is not going to do much so please feel free to give feedback about the style as well.

    " This part of the city which eventually came to known as Gulshan in fact had no name. Gulshan, a town of around thousand homes, finished at the end of the road with a boys and girls school standing at its opposing ends. From there going south, starts the dirt road punctuated with neem tress on both sides. After two miles where it ends, on its left side laid the arc of five houses.

    They were all built at the same time, of same color, layout and design. They were five, white, three story giant cubes capped with grey rooftops. Standing equally spaced from each other they encircled a shared lawn. The house on the summit, the only occupied house belonged to Mr. Intizar. The remaining houses were two on each limb of the arc, facing each other. Each had its own patio made of white and grey marble. The arc was circled by a brief green patch which had made its way between the houses. Beyond the patch, the houses were surrounded by a huge garden for almost a mile in all directions except the north. When crossing over to the other side it obliterated the dirt road completely".

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by kid009 View Post
    Thanks a lot. I have made some changes and will greatly appreciate your feedback. I understand grammar alone is not going to do much so please feel free to give feedback about the style as well.

    " This part of the city which eventually came to known as Gulshan in fact had no name. Gulshan, a town of around thousand homes, finished at the end of the road with a boys and girls school standing at its opposing ends. From there going south, starts the dirt road punctuated with neem tress on both sides. After two miles where it ends, on its left side laid the arc of five houses.

    They were all built at the same time, of same color, layout and design. They were five, white, three story giant cubes capped with grey rooftops. Standing equally spaced from each other they encircled a shared lawn. The house on the summit, the only occupied house belonged to Mr. Intizar. The remaining houses were two on each limb of the arc, facing each other. Each had its own patio made of white and grey marble. The arc was circled by a brief green
    patch which had made its way between the houses. Beyond the patch, the houses were surrounded by a huge garden for almost a mile in all directions except the north. When crossing over to the other side it obliterated the dirt road completely".
    Here are some notes.

    " This part of the city(,) which eventually came to known as Gulshan(,) in fact had no name. Gulshan, a town of around thousand homes, finished at the end of the road with a boys(') and girls(') school standing at its opposing ends. (*** Awkward. I would rephrase to mention one school at one end and the other at the opposing end. ***) From there(,) (*** From where? One of the schools? ***) going south, starts the dirt road punctuated with neem tress on both sides. (*** Reword for clarity. Possible "A dirt road starts at the center of town, going south and punctuated by neem trees on both sides." or whatever is more accurate. ***) After two miles where it ends, on its left side laid the arc of five houses. (*** Maybe "It ends, after two miles, in an arc with five houses on the left side.", though a direction like east, west, north or south would be better than left or right. When looking at it from a different direction, what's left can be in front, behind, or on the right. ***)

    They were all built at the same time, of same color, layout and design. They were five, white, three story giant cubes capped with grey rooftops.(*** Merge the important info from this sentence with the prior one to eliminate redundancy. Since this is a new paragraph, I would start it with "The five houses" rather than "They". ***) Standing equally spaced from each other(,) they encircled a shared lawn. The house on the summit (*** Is there a hill? ***), the only occupied house(,) belonged to Mr. Intizar. The remaining houses were two on each limb of the arc, facing each other. Each had its own patio made of white and grey marble. The arc was circled by a brief green patch which had made its way between the houses. Beyond the patch, the houses were surrounded by a huge garden for almost a mile in all directions except the north. When crossing over to the other side it (*** the garden? ***) obliterated the dirt road completely".

    Frankly, I would start the whole thing with the garden and work toward the houses.

  6. #6
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    The house was surrounded by a garden leading to a grassy patch extending half a mile to the south.
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  7. #7
    Member Guard Dog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloggsworth View Post
    The house was surrounded by a garden leading to a grassy patch extending half a mile to the south.
    I know I'm a couple of months late, but just thought I'd offer another perspective/choice:

    The house was surrounded by a garden, leading into a half-mile wide/long grassy patch to the south.

    ( Not knowing the shape of this patch, I don't know if "wide" or "long" is the most appropriate, so the author would have to decide. )


    Just my 2 cents.


    G.D.

  8. #8
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guard Dog View Post
    I know I'm a couple of months late, but just thought I'd offer another perspective/choice:

    The house was surrounded by a garden, leading into a half-mile wide/long grassy patch to the south.

    ( Not knowing the shape of this patch, I don't know if "wide" or "long" is the most appropriate, so the author would have to decide. )


    Just my 2 cents.


    G.D.
    Only 2 cents? Worth a dollar at least...
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  9. #9
    patch is.....um......patchy - do you mean field, lawn or strip?

    my tuppence worth...
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

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