Please, critique this protagonist (for a dystopian YA book) - Page 4

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  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Art3mis View Post
    Name: Liberty Smith
    Age: 17
    Gender: female
    Occupation: Smith
    Nationality: (Today American)
    Caste: 6
    Height: 1.78 meters
    Weight: 56 Kg
    Hair color: Brown
    Eye color: Green
    Skin pale: pale
    Other appearance: Liberty has thick fingers, oval face, and an Egyptian foot shape. She got long, wavy hair. Because of her job, she often has dirt and sweat on her face.
    Opinion about own appearance: It’s ok. The soul is the source for success.
    Accent: In the contrast of the “big three”, her caste accents and those castes below uses a casual style of speech.
    Marital status: Single
    Handicaps?: No.
    Style of dress: Liberty often wears simple clothes because she can’t pay for designer stuff. And because of her caste, she only wears dark green.
    Brothers/sisters: She got two brothers and one younger sister. The old brother is long-lost. He joined the rebels.
    Relationship with the parents: Her mother wants only the best for her and the other children. Her Dad works in their forge. To be honest, he could be a BFF. Liberty could talk about everything with him.
    Memories about childhood: Besides school, she often works in the forge. Early practice! Liberty played with the neighbors’ children.
    Neat or messy: Messy
    Pets?: No. They couldn’t pay for it.
    Enemies? Why?: The mean girl among the chosens. Because the mean girl wants the prince more than Liberty.
    Basic nature: ESFP
    What does the character fear: drowning
    What is the character proud of: doesn’t belong to the “big three”.
    What’s the character ashamed of To see and know that no one can play out his/her full talent. And she can’t change something.
    The outlook of life: realistic.
    How is she seen by others: A strong girl, who has self-doubts here and there.
    Do you like her: Yeah! I like her because she is no mean girl (with double standard).
    Will the readers like her?: Yes and no. I can’t say it because the reader decides it. #asktheperspective
    Present problem: be a chosen one
    How it will get worse: There is one girl, who makes the life to a real hell
    Putting aside that I think asking for a critique on random factoids about a character, with no story or even synopsis for a context and therefore no way to tell what, if any, of this information is actually going to be relevant to the story is downright odd...I find it rather difficult to be impressed at your imaginative skills here.

    I believe you said this is set in the future in America. If this is set in the future why is this protagonist a green-eyed, pale Caucasian when we know now that non-Hispanic Caucasians will almsot certainly be a minority in the US before the midway mark in this century? If this is a true futuristic dystopian world why does almost everything about this character, and the little snippets you reveal about her world, resemble something very much like 2018, only with odd anachronistic concepts such as princes and working in a forge drizzled in with no explanation due to no story? I don't know. I don't know what kind of dystopia it is where a girl can be named "Liberty" and live in a standard nuclear family and play with neighbors. Sounds actually quite nice, not dystopian at all. So at best my impression is you have written something that sounds extremely safe as far as the 'dystopian' genre is concerned. At worst it sounds completely boring and unimaginative.

    It's not a deal breaker, though. You can have a dystopian world that resembles on the surface an ordinary, even quite a pleasant, one...however without the context of a story one must judge your character profile and the scant information it contains on its own merits and I see nothing here that makes me think you have an original character let alone an original story. I therefore suggest you get to work proving me wrong.
    "All good books have one thing in common - they are truer than if they had really happened."

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  2. #32
    What are you going to do with all your feedback? I don't expect you're going to write anything.

  3. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by J T Chris View Post
    What are you going to do with all your feedback?
    Maybe that’s the book. The Feedback Loop.

  4. #34
    Art3mis, has a mentor now which is good news. I think, harper cole volunteered and someone else could have.

    My advice: write lots of dialogue and include a conflict (between two characters), and see if a story takes shape. (a conflict creates a story) Even a lot of outlining can be either good or bad. Remember conflict, read book examples and revisit it by trying it yourself as a writing exercise.

    Writing can be both a discovery process and inspiration. Don't wait for inspiration if possible (which is a human mistake) and write away.

    It worked for me, and now I have a story without an outline. I saved it to my computer without putting it out there and am waiting until it is the final draft. (people who will look at it)

    Misbehavior from characters is the best sort of conflict. It must be justified. (john trunby says all characters in fiction misbehave, that is the source of a moral conflict or argument).
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

  5. #35
    I find I develop characters best by writing them and building as I go, rather than by having a blueprint in advance.

    Maybe try writing a few pieces of flash fiction in this world with this character and see what comes to you?

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