Please, critique this protagonist (for a dystopian YA book) - Page 2

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  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Art3mis View Post
    Since when... Or do ya mean the Nationality stuff? I didn’t have a name for the kingdom in the future, which would be the present North American.
    Yes. I mean the nationality info. That led me to believe that you intended this to be set in 2018 or so USA.

    But I gather that's wrong. So this is a kingdom? When? Is it Earth? If so, where on Earth? (Right! North America! Sorry. Having a bad day.)

  2. #12
    Yes! It’s a kingdoom. Maybe 2100.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Art3mis View Post
    Yes! It’s a kingdoom. Maybe 2100.
    Alright. A kingdom in 2100, North America.

    What kind of smith?

  4. #14
    @Jack of all trades I don’t know. A Smith for everything.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Art3mis View Post
    @Jack of all trades I don’t know. A Smith for everything.
    Gold and silver smiths might be interchangeable, but working with iron or steel would be different. Gold and silver pieces are usually more decorative. Iron and steel pieces are generally larger and/or more functional.

    Something to think about.

    I'm trying to think of shows or movies that showed a smithy. Dr. Quinn, I think had one. He was a blacksmith, working with iron. I can't think of any gold or silver smiths being shown any where. Maybe you could Google the various smiths to get some info on the subject.

  6. #16
    Lean mass tends to develop from running or tasks requiring endurence, not speed or physical strength.
    No. Lean mass tends to develop from drugs in women. Not from running or exercise. So many are doping perceptions on what is naturally achievable have been warped.

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Annoying kid View Post
    No. Lean mass tends to develop from drugs in women. Not from running or exercise. So many are doping perceptions on what is naturally achievable have been warped.

    Specific drug classifications? Steroid? Recreational? Perscription? Over the counter diet aids? Which doping perceptions, specifically? Interesting background research potential for sociological aspects within fictional constructs. Links? Given provided context, probably irrelevant to the situation detailed. Modern society having ceased decades before. Might be interesting to consider what aspect the remnants of modern medicine have on a dystopian society. Much like Europe after the fall of Rome, potential context for the character. e.g. A caste system based on jobs, jobs determined by caste and so forth. Medicine available to the different caste systems. Plot devices derived from issues instigated by such situations.
    Last edited by Darkkin; July 12th, 2018 at 05:44 PM.


  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Darkkin View Post
    Specific drug classifications? Steroid? Recreational? Perscription? Over the counter diet aids? Which doping perceptions, specifically? Organised sports? If so which ones?
    Pro sports and fitness media, with not only drugs but digital manipulation of bodies. I'm talking about performance enhancers. Not just anabolic steroids and hormones in general, including insulin, but cardiovascular and thyroid stimulants as well as diuretics. Estrogen causes the body to hold fat and water even at the expense of skeletal muscle. So a woman with an estrogen dominant endocrine system will never be capable of getting "cut" naturally, much less "ripped" and keep a respectable muscle mass. Snap out of it people.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Annoying kid View Post
    Pro sports and fitness media, with not only drugs but digital manipulation of bodies. I'm talking about performance enhancers. Not just anabolic steroids and hormones in general, including insulin, but cardiovascular and thyroid stimulants as well as diuretics. Estrogen causes the body to hold fat and water even at the expense of skeletal muscle. So a woman with an estrogen dominant endocrine system will never be capable of getting "cut" naturally, much less "ripped" and keep a respectable muscle mass. Snap out of it people.
    So not relevant to provided criteria of the profile... Just trying to keep on topic.

    Average is average for a reason, but people if they work with their hands or are involved with physical labour usually will display some physical evidence of their trade. e.g. My grandfather is a farmer, he has a deep farmer's tan, always has. My uncle, too. It is an aspect of characterisation. Their hands alone tell stories in the callouses and arthritis, but the skills, the work by done with those hands is not something learned in a classroom. It is something that takes way more practice than typing on a keyboard. It is a detail that can help personalise a character, let the reader empathise a bit. Working with metal. Possible burn scars, nicked fingers, unusual dexterity, good estimation skills for weights and quality of materials. Small traits, skills and details that can be brought into play later in a story.

    Say Character X is paid for a job by Character Y, Y hands X a leather purse. X knows exactly how much the silver for Job Q should weight. The purse is too heavy! X looks at Y, Y says, 'I have a proposition for you...'

    People's jobs will have an impact on their characteristics, both physically and emotionally, be it fiction or real life.

    Critique means approaching material from a neutral standpoint and taking critical thinking into account. It is an observation, no more, no less.
    Last edited by Darkkin; July 12th, 2018 at 06:23 PM.


  10. #20
    It's relevant if the OP is about to make the typical fantasy writer's mistake: Give everybody who has a physical job a modern athlete's or worse a bodybuilder's physique. Or in the reverse, take a modern blacksmith and think of a medieval set up, with dirt and sweat on their face most the time or burn scars. That's just not the way it is with modern smithing.

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