Pel's July 2018 Purple PiP Challenge
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  1. #1

    Pel's July 2018 Purple PiP Challenge

    My Victorious Muse
    She’s in the middle of a rice paddy,
    Nesting birds all around,
    The golden statue, supplements nature’s elegance.
    Her hand beckons me onward.
    I barge across the water filled terrace,
    becoming a mud pie beneath my feet.
    Birds of all types ascend, creating a storm of wings,
    darker than night.
    Trudging through the guano filled field,
    doing my best, not to fall.
    I reach something hard,
    The statue I’m sure.
    The birds fly away.
    The sky is now clear.
    She isn’t Victorious,
    but lovely, just the same.
    I laugh at the jest
    The pyrite statues name:
    Partial Success
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  2. #2
    Nice work, I can imagine you slogging through the field to this statue. Is it a real one?

    A few notes ...

    She’s in the middle of a rice paddy,
    Nesting birds all around,
    The golden statue, supplements nature’s elegance. *** You don't need a comma here
    Her hand beckons me onward.
    I barge across the water filled terrace, *** "Water-filled" is hyphenated (generally you hyphenate when it's an adjective)
    becoming a mud pie beneath my feet. *** My first impression is the narrator is becoming a mud-pie
    Birds of all types ascend, creating a storm of wings,
    darker than night.
    Trudging through the guano filled field, *** Again, hyphenate (guano-filled)
    doing my best, not to fall. *** Another comma you could drop
    I reach something hard,
    The statue I’m sure.
    The birds fly away.
    The sky is now clear.
    She isn’t Victorious,
    but lovely, just the same.
    I laugh at the jest
    The pyrite statues name:
    Partial Success
    My debut novel Subcutis is now available from Amazon ...

    You can find me on Twitter: @HarperJCole

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