Thoughts

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  1. #1

    Thoughts

    This is the poem that received the e-mail from a good friend, editor, published author, and one I view as a second mother, who's been very supportive, helpful and patient with my writing. Is it me or not as I don't see what she's referring to.


    Barbaric, nuisance, smut: Prompt words for the weekly submissions.



    A Gorean Bard



    There was a barbaric bard from Gor,
    Who’s smutty ballad’s hero's had valour.
    The throngs thought him a nuisance
    But were held in impuissance
    So he always sang an encore





    Her comments:

    Your commas in the first poem were nonsensical. I couldn't read any more. Two words, comma, two words, comma, which means you've never worked out what a comma does and why we need it. Your apostrophes need work. Your contractions need work.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  2. #2
    Are you sure she sent you the right comments and not those meant for someone else?

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  3. #3
    No, she had replied to an e-mail so I figured hat I was missing something. Maybe she didn't have a mix up. Are my apostrophes correct?
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  4. #4
    There was a barbaric bard from Gor,
    Who’s smutty ballad’s hero's had valour.
    The throngs thought him a nuisance
    But were held in impuissance
    So he always sang an encore


    There are some problems with the apostrophes. I think it should appear thus:

    Whose smutty ballad’s heroes had valour.
    This is because 'whose' is the possessive form of who, 'who's' means 'who is' and I think you mean heroes (plural) rather than 'belonging to the hero' so the apostrophe is not needed there.

    Although I noted these errors, I still think the original critique was unnecessarily vitriolic.

    Just starting out on the adventure of poetry? Why not join us on
    Poetry Hill where you will receive one-to-one advice and suggestions for ways to work with your poem.





    My Poems




  5. #5
    What she calls 'comma's' are in fact apostrophes. So who's in error here

    Yes, the apostrophes are in need of editing:
    Who’s smutty ballad’s hero's had valour.
    who's should be 'whose'
    hero's should be 'heros'

  6. #6
    Thanks Jen and Draren. It was after the fact I caught the whose but I used hero's because I was referring the valour that all hero's have and thought it would need to be possessive and not plural. Now that just might have been a terrible case of bad grammar on my part. Thank you both.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  7. #7
    In that case, your sentence is syntactic not right. It doesn't make sense that way.
    Who’s smutty ballad’s hero's had valour.
    In either possibility above, it says plural:
    either
    you can read "whose smutty ballad's heros"
    or
    "heros had valor"

    neither is possessive this way, both are plural.
    If you want a possessive there, you need to change the line

  8. #8
    Yes, Darren's right. You only need to say, 'Whose smutty ballad’s heroes had valour.' By putting in the word 'had' you remove the need for the possessive form.

    Incidentally, hero/heroes is one of those quirky nouns that take an extra e in the plural form. I also noticed that you used the UK form of 'valour' rather than the US 'valor' was that deliberate?



    Just starting out on the adventure of poetry? Why not join us on
    Poetry Hill where you will receive one-to-one advice and suggestions for ways to work with your poem.





    My Poems




  9. #9
    Thanks again, I'd better stop obsessing as I see the vortex of my terrible SP&G sucking into it. An FYI spell and grammar check didn't catch it.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  10. #10
    Don't obsess, Pel, and don't worry so much about the intricacies of Sp&G. English is a minefield of weird and apparently pointless rules because much of it is based on the fact that it is a mish-mash of foreign languages that have been cobbled together over the centuries. All of us have times when we fall at the Sp&G hurdles and most of us have to look stuff up on a regular basis to make sure we have it right.

    Remember, one of the beautiful things about poetry is that you can bend or avoid the rules at your whim. Maybe e.e. cummings had a problem with Sp&G and that's why he wrote as he did.

    Just starting out on the adventure of poetry? Why not join us on
    Poetry Hill where you will receive one-to-one advice and suggestions for ways to work with your poem.





    My Poems




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