Dehiscence- Literary Fiction

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  1. #1
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    Dehiscence- Literary Fiction

    Dehiscence

    • Literary Fiction
    • 109000 words

    All Baldur Ajax wanted was a son to follow in his military footsteps. What he got was Kael, a charming, playboy embarrassment. When the Colonel has finally had enough he sends Kael out to a base in the middle of nowhere hoping it will set him straight, he never could have imagined the path he'd set his son on. Kael rises quickly through the ranks, gaining the respect and loyalty of his comrades. When a surprise raid sets him and his friends, Marty a battle seasoned bookworm, Frank a reluctant surly soldier, and Crash a father working to support his family, on a mission to rescue a child soldier from a band of ruthless mercenaries, can Kael survive the losses he accrues? Failures, triumphs, love, and guilt plague one young man as he struggles to save the kidnapped boy all the while fighting to save his sanity.



    • This is for ages 17 and over.
    • I would like for betas to jot down page numbers and notes on awkward phrasing or unclear concepts. A general critique of the characters at different stages in the book (first impressions, how they change, perceived relationship to Kael). Make not of the passages/exchanges you enjoyed the most and of course, if you find any typos- there should not be many.
    • It's summer so I'm hoping for some people killing time. This is a quick reading story for the most part so if I could get feedback by September I'd be happy.
    • I'm most accustomed to sending things in Word format, but I could try PDF.
    • This book contains some swearing and people dealing with depression. It is not overtly violent or sexual, but there are battle injuries.


    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Wɾʇ∩9 bdcharles's Avatar
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    Just a point, and I know it sounds minor, but there are a couple of things in this post I'd like to mention that unfortunately put me off signing up for this:


    All Baldur Ajax wanted was a son to follow in his military footsteps. What he got was Kael, a charming,[<-should this comma be here?] playboy embarrassment. When the Colonel has finally had enough he sends Kael out to a base in the middle of nowhere hoping it will set him straight,[comma splice] he never could have imagined the path he'd set his son on. Kael rises quickly through the ranks, gaining the respect and loyalty of his comrades. [consider starting the blurb here] When a surprise raid sets him and his friends, Marty [punctuation] a battle seasoned bookworm, Frank a reluctant surly soldier, and Crash a father working to support his family, on a mission to rescue a child soldier from a band of ruthless mercenaries, can Kael survive the losses he accrues? [<- the subclauses turn this into a huge unweildy beast of a sentence. Can it me made slicker?] Failures, triumphs, love, and guilt plague one young man as he struggles to save the kidnapped boy all the while fighting to save his sanity.

    Basically, you should think of your call for betas as a tryout for your book blurb, or your elevator pitch because any mistakes and SPaG wobbles in it will trigger fears, as they did in me, that the beta text will be full of the same. Why not post your opening chapter up in the forum for critique first? That way you can get some pointers and food for thought that can be applied in the rest of the text. Writing is rewriting after all - or is that acting?




    Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to endure, and are awed,
    because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
    - Rainer Maria Rilke, "Elegy I"

    *

    Is this fire, or is this mask?
    It's the Mantasy!
    - Anonymous

    *

    C'mon everybody, don't need this crap.
    - Wham!





  3. #3
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    Thank you very much! Alas, my blurbs are easily one of my bigger struggles. I'll keep at it.

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