How is this thesis statement?


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Thread: How is this thesis statement?

  1. #1

    How is this thesis statement?

    Although both illnesses differ in their symptoms, causal factors, and treatment options, they also share some similarities in these same categories.


    It's a compare/contrast paper. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Mandakhristine View Post
    Although both illnesses differ in their symptoms, causal factors, and treatment options, they also share some similarities in these same categories.


    It's a compare/contrast paper. Thanks.
    The way I see it: the meaning is clear and the sentence seems grammatically sound, but the wording feels a little clumsy. However, suggesting a viable alternative is tricky without more context.
    Normally, I'm all for conveying meaning with minimal words, but this may need to be expanded.

    Maybe something like:
    -------------------------------
    Illness x and illness y do have some similarities in their symptoms, causal factors, and treatment options, namely <list of similarities>.

    However, there are also some marked differences such as <list of differences>.
    ---------------------------------
    I've no idea how comprehensive the lists need to be. You may need to list everything or just two or three examples. Without context it's hard to know.
    EDIT: I see this is your first post. Maybe use the "introduce yourself" part of the forum so people can get to know you a bit?


  3. #3
    Although both illnesses differ in their symptoms, causalities factors, and treatments options, they also share some similarities. in these same categories
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  4. #4
    How about this one?

    Despite of the differences in the causes, symptoms and treatments, there are also similarities between the two illnesses.

    Looks this sentence, while not changing the content so much, is neater and clearer.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by yuichi View Post
    How about this one?

    Despite of the differences in the causes, symptoms^, and treatments, there are also similarities between the two illnesses.

    Looks ^like this sentence, while not changing the content so much, is neater and clearer.
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  6. #6
    Hello yuichi

    Despite the differences in the causes, symptoms, and treatments, there are also similarities between the two illnesses.
    This is the right statement
    Last edited by Squalid Glass; December 21st, 2018 at 09:37 PM.

  7. #7
    This thread looks like a set-up

    Arachne

  8. #8
    Member Myk3y's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandakhristine View Post
    Although both illnesses differ in their symptoms, causal factors, and treatment options, they also share some similarities in these same categories.


    It's a compare/contrast paper. Thanks.
    How are you on the Oxford comma?

    If it were me: "Although they differ in their symptoms, causal factors and treatment options, both illnesses share some similarities in these same categories."

    But then I ask myself, if they differ, but share similarities, what are you trying to highlight - their differences or similarities.

    That could be a pointer.

  9. #9
    Member Myk3y's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yuichi View Post
    How about this one?

    Despite of the differences in the causes, symptoms and treatments, there are also similarities between the two illnesses.

    Looks this sentence, while not changing the content so much, is neater and clearer.
    You think? It seems much more muddled and imprecise than the original.

  10. #10
    Mentor Dluuni's Avatar
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    I'm going to have to say it: This looks almost tautological. It doesn't seem like it says much.
    "Both pears and cats are similar in some ways and different in others." So? Make a statement.

    There are three things to watch out for in your text - "Huh?", "Oh yeah?" and "So what?" A squishy thesis like this hits the last one. Bravery, faith, and clarity. Write boldly.

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