Realistic Life Plan

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  1. #1

    Realistic Life Plan

    diploma, debt, degree, job,
    spouse, house, kids, dog,
    divorce, new spouse, step kids, retire,
    travel, hobbies, nothing, expire.
    Last edited by andrewclunn; June 6th, 2018 at 04:51 PM.
    I find that my lack of knowledge can sometimes be an asset in that I'm forced to try new things because I don't have any other options.

  2. #2
    Member CrimsonAngel223's Avatar
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    I love the timelines of being a young adult to being an old man or woman, interesting poem.
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  3. #3
    Andrew, I read this poem the other day but got sidetracked by RL.

    This is one of the most original poems I've come across during my years here.

    diploma, debt, degree, job,
    spouse, house, kids, dog,
    divorce, new spouse, step kids, retire,
    travel, hobbies, nothing, expire.
    And may I say, brilliant. Each word connected in sequence, a powerhouse - summing up a lifetime in four lines. You've got your alliterations, rhymes and near rhymes. You've got something new and very refreshing.

    Bravo! S~
    "Don't tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass."Chekhov

  4. #4
    This is definitely a clever poem. I think it would read better, however, if you exchanged "new spouse" for "remarry". Also, the word "nothing" doesn't fit in very well, in my view.

  5. #5
    Interesting read! It flows well, I didn't notice the flow before it was pointed out. I reread and then found another way to connect to your poem.
    I like how it focuses on the goals people think is important for a meaningful life without stating that's what you're doing.
    The only thing I would do differently is switch places on nothing and expire, to highlight how you expire into a question of nothingness. That might just be different stylistic choices tho.
    Well written and interesting poem!

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Caleb Murdock View Post
    This is definitely a clever poem. I think it would read better, however, if you exchanged "new spouse" for "remarry". Also, the word "nothing" doesn't fit in very well, in my view.
    I initially did use remarry, but changed it to new spouse so that step kids didn't feel entirely out of place.

  7. #7
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    Am I crazy? This is a list, not a poem.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by tinacrabapple View Post
    Am I crazy? This is a list, not a poem.
    Yes, this is a list, but list poems are considered poetry these days. If a piece of writing is very short and doesn't fit into any other category, it is called a poem by default.

  9. #9

  10. #10
    Andrewclunn - Hey! That almost sounds like my life and a bunch of other people also now reading this. Whoa! Makes me mighty happy not being at the end of your plan but thanks for the reminders anyway. LOL. Enjoyed this. Namyh

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