I don't love you


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Thread: I don't love you

  1. #1

    I don't love you

    Verse 1
    I gave you a chance. But you did not tell me the truth. I had it with you saying you did not do that too. I could just
    say I don't want to stay with someone who is so rude and mean. I don't know why my friends told me. That they have photo's of you with another girl. I don't cheat and that's my rule. If i could tell you now. You will be not with me for ever and now. I could cuss you out. But that's not love and i won't do it now. If i could tell you now. I want you to stay
    away from me now.
    Chorus
    I don't love you. You had your chance to change your mind. You had run out of time. I don't love you. You did not want me any way. So I am going to say. I don't love you. I don't care what you do. We are done. And I am so over you. I don't love you. I wish you would stop what your saying. I don't love you and I am obeying. I don't love you.
    Verse 2
    I want a man to love me no matter what. I want him to be really funny and have a lot of things to say. I am not going to stay in love with you. Its not up to you any more. I am telling you like I have done be for. I won't call you. I won't see you. I won't do anything with you. I am good and as for you. Don't bother me. And I meant for someone else and for them to see. That I want them to be in love with me.
    Chorus
    I don't love you. You had your chance to change your mind. You had run out of time. I don't love you. You did not want me any way. So I am going to say. I don't love you. I don't care what you do. We are done. And I am so over you. I don't love you. I wish you would stop what your saying. I don't love you and I am obeying. I don't love you.
    Verse 3
    How could you say. You did not cheat on me any way. I had enough of you not telling me the truth. I could say I have too find someone else. Your no body else. I could make you mad at me. Because we will never be in love again. Thanks to you. I will have a lot of friends.
    Chorus 2 times around.

  2. #2
    It's not enough to say I don't love you
    you have to paint a picture that suggest no one woulda pour their emotions on that picture you painted

  3. #3
    The chorus seems kind of choppy and contradicting. parts of the chorus seems like he is breaking up with you, and the other seems like you are breaking up with him

  4. #4
    Beta Reader Princesisto's Avatar
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    It would be better in the form of verses so that it looks like a song and we can see where the rhymes are meant to be.

    I think sometimes it rhymes and sometimes it doesn't. It should be consistent.

    I like the idea that all the songs say "I love you! I love you!" and this message is different.

    It reminds me of Linda Ronstadt's "It Doesn't Matter Anymore" (1970) (originally Paul Anka) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtTX5Ux97tE

    "I have too find someone else" should be "I have to find someone else."

    Sometimes it's a little too much "in the listener's face". If you could put some little twists in it like Linda/Paul did

    "Now you go your way, baby
    And I'll go mine
    Now and forever
    'Till the end of time
    I'll find somebody new
    And we'll say we're through
    And you won't matter anymore"

    or something different like Republica's

    "Get out, you're walkin'
    Too bad, I've spoken
    But when I look at you
    You're forgiven"

    (Because he's "Drop Dead Gorgeous")

    It would keep the reader's attention better and be somewhat more satisfying than "I don't love you" all the time. Even if you changed it to some synonyms sometimes like "I hate you" or "I despise you and your lies" it would add some variety!

    Some ideas anyway . . .

    It's a good idea.

    You can make it better.

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