needing help wit a seemingly correct structure which does not convey an exact meaning


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Thread: needing help wit a seemingly correct structure which does not convey an exact meaning

  1. #1

    needing help wit a seemingly correct structure which does not convey an exact meaning

    I was asked to edit the sentence below. Although one could say that the sentence has a relatively sound structure, I have a vague feeling that something is wrong about the meaning conveyed by it.

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Vahid View Post
    I was asked to edit the sentence below. Although one could say that the sentence has a relatively sound structure, I have a vague feeling that something is wrong about the meaning conveyed by it.

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."
    As a start, I suggest splitting it into two or more sentences and transforming it into something more easily readable. Once the meaning becomes clearer, someone might offer suggestions.


  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Vahid View Post
    I was asked to edit the sentence below. Although one could say that the sentence has a relatively sound structure, I have a vague feeling that something is wrong about the meaning conveyed by it.

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."
    You have bigger problems than SPaG. The ligaments you name have to do with the breast, while ptosis is a problem involving the eyelid.

  4. #4
    I agree with Phil.

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."


    How about:

    "Potentially, based on individual observations, laxity of the Cooper's ligaments is another cause for ptosis. However, this still needs to be proven through scientific, experimental methods."
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  5. #5

    You have bigger problems than SPaG. The ligaments you name have to do with the breast, while ptosis is a problem involving the eyelid.
    Sometimes, completely unrelated physical symptoms or conditions are found to be linked to one illness.
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only light we'll see
    No, I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
    Just as long as you stand by me.


  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by SueC View Post



    Sometimes, completely unrelated physical symptoms or conditions are found to be linked to one illness.
    Not likely in this case. Read it again.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Vahid View Post
    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."
    Let's break this down

    Laxity
    lax·i·ty /laksdē/ noun 1. lack of strictness or care. 2. looseness of a limb or muscle
    of the Cooper's ligaments
    Cooper's ligaments (also known as the suspensory ligaments of Cooper and the fibrocollagenous septa) are connective tissue in the breast that help maintain structural integrity. They are named for Astley Cooper, who first described them in 1840. Their anatomy can be revealed using Transmission diffraction tomography.
    as another potential cause for ptosis,
    Ptosis (/toss/) is a drooping or falling of the upper eyelid. The drooping may be worse after being awake longer when the individual's muscles are tired. This condition is sometimes called "lazy eye", but that term normally refers to the condition amblyopia.
    So how can droopy breast(s) cause a droopy eyelid?

    Can't.

    Could a single underlying problem cause both conditions, sure. But that's not what the statement said. It clearly stated one caused the other. No can do.

    Whoever wrote the line needs to correct the meaning.

  8. #8
    Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9 bdcharles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vahid View Post
    I was asked to edit the sentence below. Although one could say that the sentence has a relatively sound structure, I have a vague feeling that something is wrong about the meaning conveyed by it.

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, which is suggested mostly based on the individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."
    It actually looks okay to me. The only thing I would look at is a bit of redundancy in "suggested" and "based". These mean similar things so one can go. And "mostly based" gives it this slightly irritating assonance; "typically" sounds more academic (to me); so:

    "Laxity of the Cooper’s ligaments as another potential cause for ptosis, and which is typically suggested following individual observations, needs to be proved through scientific, experimental methods."



    Quote Originally Posted by Jack of all trades View Post
    You have bigger problems than SPaG. The ligaments you name have to do with the breast, while ptosis is a problem involving the eyelid.
    That's what the sentence is advising. I'd want a doctor who thought there was a connection between the two to have done some proper analysis before spouting that stuff. Laxity of the Cooper's ligaments causing ptosis, indeed!


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  9. #9
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    Are you writing an update of Greys Anatomy? A piece of fiction aimed only at medical practitioners or just showing off your ability to look up words in a medical dictionary?

    "Weakness in the ligaments is another potential cause of a droopy eyelid, as suggested by individual observations, and needed to be proved using scientific methods."

    Calling them "Cooper's Ligaments" would seem to indicate that their existence and possible weakness is already proved...
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