What Really Changes

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  1. #1

    What Really Changes

    Came up with this on my break at work.


    Original

    Created societies values change
    Man is no different.
    Women and cars, stronger and faster
    Men are spectators.


    1st Revision

    Created societies values change,
    evolution or random chance?
    Hem lines and beauty,
    one shifted the other was always there.
    Man is no different,
    oblivious to winds that break trees,
    but cursing those that knock over garbage cans.
    Women and cars,
    stronger and faster.
    Cars were made to mans desires,
    were men created on a woman’s whim?
    Men are spectators,
    but the tickets were free
    boxed seats are still a cage.
    Last edited by Pelwrath; May 19th, 2018 at 09:37 PM.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  2. #2
    Imagery
    Mood
    message
    creativity...... JMO... but there is not enough of these things in this poem... I like the concept... but work on this, Pelwrath...
    Check out the exciting Poetry Hill !!

    If you are a writer, reach a reader
    If you are a fighter, teach a leader
    If you are a lover, touch a leper
    If this has helped you, thank you, reader

    If you can read this, teach a thinker

    Author: Lynn Loschky



    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  3. #3
    Now for me to make the seed grow. Thanks Fire.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  4. #4
    My 1st revision is posted in the original post.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

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