Under The Sea

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Thread: Under The Sea

  1. #1

    Under The Sea

    Haiku (575)

    Little Fish Swimming
    Sun light hits clear waters
    Shining so brightly

    (the picture is a night shot from my own outdoor pond in the garden, the pond is 7 feet by 7feet by 4feet deep. i have also attached a link to a folder that people can see the other parts in daylight of the pond and also the indoor aquarium.

    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails fishes.jpg  
    Last edited by Mrcheese; May 14th, 2018 at 12:13 PM.

  2. #2
    There really isn't anything poetic about this...Sorry, but even elementary level haiku has to hold the reader's interest. Sun shines on water, so what? As a reader, what in these seventeen syllables is anyting out of the ordinary? The only thing that borders on a poetic element is the syllable count...And those syllables are pedantic at best. It is an image everyone has seen at some point in their lives, and for most, I'm thinking our own imaginations can do a better job. Fish swim, the sun shines. Find a more interesting way to express it. Look up water in a thesaurus. The number of words associated with it are manifold. This reads like haiku of ages 2 and under, designed for poets who don't know anything better.

    - D.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrcheese View Post
    Haiku (575)

    Little Fish Swimming
    Sun light hits clear waters
    Shining so brightly

    Iridescent gems
    flashes of gold in sunlight
    little fish swimming .... just a quick example of ways to play with words and imagery

    Love the idea, just elevate it to a beautiful setting.. use unexpected imagery...different ways of showing your reader the picture you are painting...
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