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Thread: 800 words

  1. #11
    Member Guslar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Belgrade, Serbia
    Good writing. It feels personal, like the character is inspired by the author's experience, which doesn't have to be the case if it's just the effect of good writing of course. The only critique I'd have is too much information in such a small number of lines. Too many names are mentioned in short succession. It's okay if the characters are just meant to paint the atmosphere of a scene and serve as props. But, if the intention is to have those characters involved in the story on a bigger and deeper level and for them to be prominent or important to the story, I'm of the opinion that such characters should be introduced slowly - one by one if need be. I think it's the best way of getting the reader to know the important characters and thus ( ooh, I used "thus", hence I'm so fancy ) get more involved with them, empathize with them and get more involved in the story.

    It's a weird example, but I remember the anime "Fairy Tail" having long arcs of the show dedicated to backstories of certain characters while others would be developed along with the progression of the main story line. In the end, whenever one of the dozens of characters would have some adventure I couldn't help but getting really involved in the story ( despite it often being a lame cliche that always works ).

    Other than that I can only compliment the good writing style, simple yet effective and informative sentences and good transition from direct to indirect speech ( I was appalled for example with Geoffrey Archer's "Prisoner of Birth" when it came to this. It was a constant stream of "He said, she said, he said, she said". It ruined the book for me that I couldn't finish it, honestly. You did this part splendidly ).

  2. #12
    It was an enjoying and quite touching reading. Empathic topic is something I learn and try to depict in my story. That was the reason why I took it so easily. Will there be more?

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