Pyramid Scheme

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  1. #1

    Pyramid Scheme


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    Pyramid Scheme

    by musichal
    (double etheree)



    Ra,
    sun-god,
    sphere-ruler,
    peers down upon
    the fallen King's ka
    (spirit) needing succor,
    and so commands His people,
    “Construct now for this taken one
    in Giza, in worship, carved from stones,
    by work-blood of the slaves to rest his bones.”

    Myths of gods proclaim cycles of men
    as deeds long past happen again.
    Seasons spark ages, wizened
    old sages, while the Nile
    gives that Delta life.
    Sweet water flow,
    see fields grow
    white with
    rice.

    Last edited by musichal; April 13th, 2018 at 02:20 PM.

    How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
    Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music
    Creep into our ears: soft stillness and the night
    Become the touches of sweet harmony.

    - Shakespeare,
    Merchant...Act 5


  2. #2
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    Wow! This is beautiful! Have you ever published this before?

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by CrimsonAngel223 View Post
    Wow! This is beautiful! Have you ever published this before?
    This one is three years old, posted/written here at that time. Second time around, for those who missed it the first time.

    How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
    Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music
    Creep into our ears: soft stillness and the night
    Become the touches of sweet harmony.

    - Shakespeare,
    Merchant...Act 5


  4. #4
    Me like shape this it good me read gain later with therapist it good un mate

  5. #5
    I dislike shaped poems. I like yours. This one was particularly creative with the shadow effect and message. Applause!

  6. #6
    This is absolutely fantastic Musichal, and I make concretes as well
    Hidden Content Hidden Content

    I am a clay potato in a strawberry field
    -Darren White, from "Clumsy"

  7. #7
    Actually the shape adds a lot to this poem, being pyramidal with reflection. I see I have a lot to learn. I particularly like the rhyming every 9th and 10th line. Thanks Musical, you have inspired me to carry on trying to improve. Have you been to Egypt? It's possibly a tad crisp for such a hot hurly burly place, but you are talking about the gods! I am sure it's poetic license to mention the slaves, when they were paid and some of them pretty well. Ah Brilliant. I am ready for a rethink on my next poem! I enjoyed it .so much.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by nelen View Post
    Actually the shape adds a lot to this poem, being pyramidal with reflection. I see I have a lot to learn. I particularly like the rhyming every 9th and 10th line. Thanks Musical, you have inspired me to carry on trying to improve. Have you been to Egypt? It's possibly a tad crisp for such a hot hurly burly place, but you are talking about the gods! I am sure it's poetic license to mention the slaves, when they were paid and some of them pretty well. Ah Brilliant. I am ready for a rethink on my next poem! I enjoyed it .so much.
    Thank you for the kind comments. No, never been to Egypt. Spent a few hours online researching ancient Egyptian religion before I wrote the poem (as well as another, Child of Bast which is about my cat, Jumper), mostly to get in the mindset for it; I think how well the slaves were treated is entirely debatable, but is not a point I want to pursue in depth. I don't think I've ever read of a slave making the claim, though perhaps one has, but I find the rarity (if not entire lack) of such an example rather telling. Slaves have their own hierarchy, and those given authority over their peers no doubt had perks. However, I certainly am not an authority on the subject. Regardless of that possible inaccuracy, I'm glad you found the poem interesting and entertaining.

    I like the way the title works on several levels, eg, my presentation scheme, Ra's (or the Emperor's) construction scheme, and some will find it a comment about religion, as well as the cyclical nature of both the physical and spiritual (psychological, if preferred) realms of existence (the latter based on the annual flooding of the Delta) and the ancient relics standing as reminders of how terrain can affect beliefs.
    Last edited by musichal; April 23rd, 2018 at 06:53 AM.

    How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
    Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music
    Creep into our ears: soft stillness and the night
    Become the touches of sweet harmony.

    - Shakespeare,
    Merchant...Act 5


  9. #9
    Don't remember seeing this the first time. In any case, I see it as reflecting the state of the human intelligence myth

    Well done to my mind

    Site:
    Hidden Content

    The simplest truths are written on the wall,
    where we see imaginary greatness in our fall.

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