Andie's Mountain

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  1. #1
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    Andie's Mountain

    Andie's Mountain
    Chapter One
    There was a big change happening in Andie's life.
    Andie is a young bunny, and today is moving day.

    "What will it be like?" Andie asked his mother.

    "It will be an adventure."she said, "Change always brings many wonderful surprises."

    When they arrived at their new home,Andie was amazed at how different this forest was from his old home.

    "Lots of surprises" the little bunny said to himself. Andie noticed a wild carrot growing nearby. It was beautiful.
    "These are bigger and juicier than the carrots where I'm from." He set the carrot down on a tree stump and kept looking around.

    "Welcome to the neighborhood." said a red bird perched on a limb.

    That was a surprise, Bunny thought. A new friend and he had just arrived.

    "Hello, my name is Andie, what's yours?"

    "I'm Cardinal Red, but you can call me Red." the bird replied "And walking up the trail right now is Mr. Baggypants."

    Andie turned to look and saw a raccoon lumbering up the path.


    "Another surprise." saidAndie.

    "Another surprise?" asked Mr.Baggypants, "What is this about a surprise?"
    "I'm new here and my mother said there would be lots of surprises when we moved," Andie explained,"and she was right."

    The cardinal asked "Like what?"


    "Well, there's a spring and a pond by my house. That was a surprise. There are more trees here and they are taller than where I am from. And I have new friends, a raccoon and a cardinal... that was a surprise."

    Andie remembered his carrot, "And the wild carrots are bigger and juicier than in my old neighborhood."

    Andie looked at the stump where he had left his carrot,
    IT WAS GONE! Then he saw the raccoon just as he ate the last bite of carrot.

    Mr. Baggypants had an embarrassed smile on his face and mumbled "SURPRISE!"

  2. #2
    One question springs to mind, how did they get to their new home?

  3. #3
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    Well, I figure that would be seen in the illustrations.
    I'm debating how much anthropomorphism there would be.
    There is actually a prequel of his life on a farm.
    I was thinking of when people re-locate, like the military or jobs that move families.

  4. #4
    My feeling was the journey should have been a part of this ‘surprise’ story. Are your animal characters going to be wearing clothes, Wind in the Willows style, or as nature intended but with the power of speech?

  5. #5
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    Thank you for your feedback. This is a project I've been working on for a while but without much input or critique. It goes back into my drawer for long periods of time.
    It's one of two ideas I have.
    I'm not sure how much description to have as opposed to interaction with the animals. A lot of description would make the story longer.
    Would the target age get bored?

  6. #6
    I think we have to be careful about what young readers might pick up on. For example, one moment the wild carrot was in the ground growing and then somehow Andie had it and "set it down". How did that happen? I suspect that more detailed descriptions of events might actually be appreciated, especially by parents reading out the story and having to answer all the questions that the writer left unanswered.

    I recollect a very long time ago reading a story about dragons from their point of view and it mentioned them cooking their breakfast by breathing fire on it. It had never occurred to me that dragons ate cooked food and I still remember being puzzled by that from maybe half a century ago. As a child one makes mental notes of things to find out about later in life and that one is evidently still on my list.
    'Sharing an experience creates a reality.' Create a new reality today.
    'There has to be some give and take.' If I can take my time I'm willing to give it.
    'The most difficult criticism that a writer has to comprehend is silence.' So speak up.

  7. #7
    Freely admit to a very limited knowledge of young children’s reading matter, they do have a shorter attention span, so too much chat without some action could bore them. I guess you’re aiming this book at 4-6 year olds so are you having pictures along with the story on every page?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustRob View Post
    I think we have to be careful about what young readers might pick up on. For example, one moment the wild carrot was in the ground growing and then somehow Andie had it and "set it down". How did that happen? I suspect that more detailed descriptions of events might actually be appreciated, especially by parents reading out the story and having to answer all the questions that the writer left unanswered.

    I recollect a very long time ago reading a story about dragons from their point of view and it mentioned them cooking their breakfast by breathing fire on it. It had never occurred to me that dragons ate cooked food and I still remember being puzzled by that from maybe half a century ago. As a child one makes mental notes of things to find out about later in life and that one is evidently still on my list.
    Well that is an interesting perspective from the child's point of view.
    I had a book on writing for children that had some interesting points. I'm going to have to find it again.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeAverageReader View Post
    Freely admit to a very limited knowledge of young children’s reading matter, they do have a shorter attention span, so too much chat without some action could bore them. I guess you’re aiming this book at 4-6 year olds so are you having pictures along with the story on every page?
    I figure a picture to a page and two pages per chapter?

  10. #10
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    I have read this a number of times and something just didn't quite work. I went over and over and I think I know what it is. Just my opinion, but I think it is caught between age groups. Parts are wrote in a very young child way of understanding, while others are written for a more experienced reader. They two voices conflicted each other.

    I believe a reviewer mentioned the use of terms like 'he set it down' - it just doesn't work in this story. Even the carrot, I had pictured a wild scene and then carrot made me think they lived on a farm, but they weren't it seemed.

    The names of the animals didn't quite work.

    I think writers under estimate how difficult it is to write a children's story. In a way it is like an open book test. Though the answers are there, they have to be perfect in order to score top marks with the reader. They need to teach something also.

    Keep at it. My opinion is just that. Not a rule to follow.

    Thanks for the read

    Sync


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