Firemajic's NaPoWriMo 2018

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Thread: Firemajic's NaPoWriMo 2018

  1. #1

    Firemajic's NaPoWriMo 2018

    Through the Kaleidoscope, Pictures of my past...
    #1
    Looking at Lies


    Pictures are sharp shards
    slices of a mirror,
    reflections distorted
    neither lying
    or telling the truth
    the whole truth
    and nothing but the truth

    See how she poses
    such innocence in her smile
    what a happy Child!

    Look at this , one of my favorites...
    Julia dreaming under the Dogwood
    it is plain to see
    she was a happy child....
    Last edited by Firemajic; April 1st, 2018 at 08:26 PM. Reason: Thank you DarKKin ;) I appreciate...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  2. #2
    That's beautiful, Fire
    Hidden Content Hidden Content

    I am a clay potato in a strawberry field
    -Darren White, from "Clumsy"

  3. #3
    A sad poem, Fire. The last two stanzas are a clever transition

    See how she poses
    such innocence in her smile
    what a happy Child!

    Look at this , one of my favorites...
    Julia dreaming under the Dogwood tree
    it is plain to see
    she was a happy child....
    Hidden Content

    Learn more about poet, T.L. Murphy and his recently published poetry book
    'Hidden Content '.
    Check out his interview
    <<Hidden Content >>






  4. #4
    Dear Fire,
    Sadly, what we see on the outside is not always a
    reflection of the inside, simply shown in your poem.

  5. #5
    a jul's poem.....
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  6. #6
    Excellent piece and deft use of repetition of truth. Only nit. Consider removing tree from the end of S3 L2. Because of the me end in L3 in the same stanza, it is an off kilter rhyme and it very harsh on the ear as it is the only end rhyme in the piece. The Dogwood by its very nature is a species of tree. Most readers will pick up on the fact without the minor redundancy. Try reading the stanza as is and with tree removed. See if you hear a difference.

    - D.


  7. #7
    As has been mentioned, a very good ending. I also see the comparison between one's public face and our reflection. One to fool the public, the other to fool, ourselves.
    Last edited by Pelwrath; April 1st, 2018 at 08:39 PM.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

    "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools will speak to say something." Plato

    "The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible."
    ​ Mark Twain

    "To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States." George W. Bush



  8. #8
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Such emotion used in your lines. You paint a picture of juextopositions, the image seems to be happy while for me the tone contrasted what was being said, a great first entry fire.
    Fancy joining a photgraphy group? The check out the Hidden Content group.

    Visit My Blog to get to know me better.Hidden Content Hidden Content A fun group of like minded new writers.
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  9. #9
    So much heart in this poem. How a picture can only show the surface of an event. You really brought out the irony that I could see in the same line and yet with two different meanings <3
    “It's weird not to be weird." — John Lennon

  10. #10
    Thanks so much for each of your kind comments and sensitivity, it means so much to me....
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

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