Hot Sand

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Thread: Hot Sand

  1. #1

    Hot Sand

    Hot Sand

    I stand barefoot in hot sand,
    breathing in through the soles of my feet,
    breathing out through the back of my head,
    gravity pulls at my obligations,
    chi spirals up my leg.
    I ask myself, what would it feel like to flow like heat,
    to live without effort,
    know nothing at all?

    Before me lies the coffered sea, open to a cloudless sky,
    its restless waves articulate the mystery that lies beneath…
    an unbroken plane stretching from
    this white sand shore to the vanishing point of perception.
    What would it feel like to be that distance,
    break the surface and plunge the deep,
    pile atmosphere on atmosphere?

    The sun falls and squashes out like a soft egg,
    fulminates to a boiling sea,
    wings of light – lavender and gold
    melt to water, wind and fire,
    a divine body reduced

    to a spec…
    a flash…

    I ask myself, what would it feel like to fall forever,
    witness the end and start again,
    like a well with no bottom,
    no walls, no water,
    just fall forever through empty space?
    Meanwhile the sky elaborates
    on its own unbearable beauty,
    and the sea offers conciliation,
    in murmured words I cannot decipher.
    All I can do is ask myself,
    what would it feel like to stand in hot sand,
    breathing in through the soles of my feet,
    breathing out through the back of my head.

    published at blue skies poetry, February 2011
    Last edited by TL Murphy; April 7th, 2018 at 04:17 PM.

  2. #2
    4th line of the first stanza is fierce! For me, that line is the jewel of this poem....The imagery is fabulous...
    searching for oblivion ... ?
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  3. #3
    Well, when you've got 3 kids, one brain injured, a hostile ex-wife, support payments, clients phoning every few minutes and your parents are dying, it all kind of piles up - if you know what I mean.

  4. #4
    Yep, fierce!

    On iPad so laborious to type. Perhaps rearrange lines to bring in even more intensity through quickening the pace. Maybe:

    I stand in hot sand
    barefoot, breathing in
    through the soles of my feet
    out through the back of my head
    gravity pulls obligations, chi spirals up my leg
    and . . .I wonder
    what would it feel like
    to flow like heat
    to live without effort
    to know nothing
    at all.

    I substituted "I wonder what" for "I ask myself"

    Try to eliminate the weak end line word: "from".

    This poem has great strength; great images. Just great.

  5. #5
    To me, this poem speaks of a longing to become one with oblivion and the images do a good job of expressing that. The idea of heat makes me think of evaporating and the way it moves from the feet to head create a movement that gives me the feeling of rising into the atmosphere and becoming emptiness, free of all burdens. I love the 4th stanza. Your description of something as magnificent as the sun simply dissolving captures the message of this poem well, and I can feel the power of this instance as not simply death, but rebirth into a free form. In the line "a devine body reduced" I think you meant "a divine body reduced". Great poem!
    "The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering." - Bruce Lee

  6. #6
    Sas, I wrote this poem 9 years ago and it was published in 2011. If I were to write it today I would write differently, but since it has been published I consider it grown up and on its own.

  7. #7
    ForgedinFlames, that’s a great review. Thanks. As both you and Firemagic have pointed out, there does seem to be a search for oblivion. I don’t think I ever quite saw that but now that you both point it out, there is no denying it. Thanks for the heads up on the spelling error. I can’t spell my way out of a paper bag but I trust it’s right in the published version.
    Last edited by TL Murphy; April 27th, 2018 at 04:30 PM.

  8. #8

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  10. #10
    Strong opening and keeps one intrigued wanting to know more. Tough times in turn make tough people for sure! Hope things have gotten better for you since this was written and published.


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