Hot Sand - Page 2

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Thread: Hot Sand

  1. #11
    I liked it.

    How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
    Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music
    Creep into our ears: soft stillness and the night
    Become the touches of sweet harmony.

    - Shakespeare,
    Merchant...Act 5

  2. #12
    TL Murphy - The story shines with great visuals. I much enjoyed the clarity. Namyh

  3. #13
    Too much "I" about it, I feel that something less egocentric, more sparing, would broaden the readership.

    Barefoot on hot sand,
    drawing breath through soles of feet,
    breathing out through back of head.
    Gravity tugs at obligation,
    chi spirals up the thigh.
    To feel the flow of heat
    live without effort,
    know nothing at all?
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  4. #14
    What's .lovely piece of poetry I really enjoyed reading this it has an usual ending but an interesting one at that

  5. #15
    Tim, knowing this has been published I hesitate to say......that I think your last sentence is a statement and therefore does not require a question mark. I may be wrong but that is how I read it. However, the graphics are stunning. Stanza 3 is breathtaking....the ‘soft egg’....remarkable.
    May we be true to both divinely implanted impulses—the yearning for God, and the hunger for knowledge—and know they are the same. John Keats

  6. #16
    I liked the vibrant images here and the expression in the lines too

  7. #17
    Robbie, that question mark is a typo. I didn't see it but have fixed it.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloggsworth View Post
    Too much "I" about it, I feel that something less egocentric, more sparing, would broaden the readership.
    Bloggsworth, I tend to agree with you. I wrote this poem a long time ago and if I were to write it today it would be very different. I was actually surprized when it was published because I don't think of it as one of my best poems. But since it has been published, I'm not going to mess with it anymore. Thanks


  9. #19
    I like all TL Murphy poetry it seems. This one too is characterized by the great images and original contexts for nouns and phrases.

    One question, however. I'm confused by the way the way you repeated the standing in sand and breathing images at the beginning and end of the poem. At the beginning the protagonist says he is standing in sand and breathing but at the end the protagonist wonders what it would feel like to do so. Wouldn't the protagonist know because he/she has done so? or is it because the protagonist has seen the end and started again, so in this new "life" the protagonist has not been standing in sand and breathing?

    (Oh, and the first thought I had when reading the part about what it would be like to be falling in space forever was that the protagonist would be really hungry.)


  10. #20
    Thanks, Outsider. And that’s a good question. The repetition is refrain, that’s all. It gives the poem a musical structure. But what you ask about the ending is really the heart of the poem. What it is saying is: “I wonder what it feels like to be me?” Even though the speaker goes around a cycle of self discovery, he comes back to the same place and realizes there is still a lot about himself that he doesn’t know. The poem is about trying to find one’s essence. In that sense, it’s about meditation and self awareness.

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