Pelwrath's PiP March 2018 entry

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  1. #1

    Pelwrath's PiP March 2018 entry

    Midnight Service


    So say I, Kanys Loopis Wyier.
    You humans know nothing!
    Making sure we survive, I conspire.
    This maggot infested dirtball,
    So affectionately named Earth.
    Almost time for us to go hunting.
    Itís inhabitants so fill me with mirth.
    Pavlovís Bell.



    We donít cower at the moon.
    That silver body calls us to prayer;
    Her almost lifeless orb, we once called home.
    To her we continue our endless love affair
    For three nights in our original features.
    The stories, books and movies, were to warn
    You didnít get it.
    Pavlovís Bell


    Created while you were still unborn
    Why would you? How could you?
    This is your home, youíre safe.
    Did you hear Pavlovís Bell?



    Itís our dinner time!
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  2. #2
    Dear Pel,
    I know what you mean but just to confirm,
    Canis lupus wylie? Through their eyes is a
    nice twist, but I got the feeling you were you
    talking about werewolves, per S1&2.
    I also like the enjambment from the title to
    the first line.
    Couple suggestiins:
    íWith her, our continued endless love affair
    íFor three nights, our true featues revealedí

  3. #3
    Tuesday;

    Yes, werewolves and nicely done on the name. Canis Lupus Ire (silent W)
    I do like your suggestions
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  4. #4
    The capitals, Pel

    I think you should only mention the Pavlov reaction in the last stanza, it makes it even more mysterious, and the repetition of it in the first two stanzas is a bit much. It becomes all clear in the end.

  5. #5
    Darren;

    Thanks for your suggestions. The capitals is my forgetfulness at correcting Word on a new line. You suggestion about Pavlov makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  6. #6
    Dark and savage! What's not to love about that? I was not sure about the message in the second stanza... anyway, this is moody, and mysterious and intriguing... double check your imagery... I feel you missed several opportunities to make this even darker... more savage.... you know me... I am all about the drama.. lol... I enjoyed this, Pelwrath, and I can see how much you improve, from poem to poem... impressive...your poetry now, has a polished sound... I honestly had to dig deep to find anything you need to improve in the lines of this awesome poem...
    Check out the exciting Poetry Hill !!

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    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  7. #7
    Menacing and disdainful - nicely done! Not much to suggest, just remember to keep it tight in the revision.

    Just starting out on the adventure of poetry? Why not join us on
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  8. #8
    Midnight Service V-2

    So say I, Kanys Loopis Wyier.
    You humans know nothing!
    Making sure we survive, I conspire.
    This maggot infested dirtball,

    So affectionately named Earth.
    Almost time for us to go hunting.
    Itís inhabitants fill me with mirth.
    We donít cower at the moon.

    That silver body calls us to prayer;
    Her almost lifeless orb, we once called home.
    To her we continue our love affair
    For three nights in our original form.

    The stories, books and movies, they were to warn
    You didnít get it. Why would you? How could you?
    We were created while you were still unborn.
    You flourished and surprised us.

    We never expected you to depose your farmers.
    It was so funny when you thought, you were kicked out of Eden.
    That was us, given dominion by those we thought were our partners.
    This was our test, you are still our creatures.

    This was your home, you felt safe.
    Did you hear Pavlovís Bell?

    Itís our dinner time!
    "Illegitimi non carborundum " Vinegar' Joe Stilwell

    "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

    What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.

    "They can because they think they can."
    ​Virgil

  9. #9

  10. #10
    Pel, and intrigue to read to say the least! I love your thought process! Good luck!

    ~A

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