Special Place

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Thread: Special Place

  1. #1

    Special Place

    Sitting alone in his car outside the house he'd just left...always goodbye and never see you soon dad or I love you dad...Driving away he decided now was the time and when reaching his house..took all he needed and got back in the car and drove off. Looking out at the place he had lived all his life made him long to be a kid again. Reaching the motorway his mood changed to anger and regret and he was unaware of anything that was going on as he drove on. The destination had always been somewhere he would talk about to his daughter but they had never gone. With an hours driving left the light began to fade. Arriving and turning into the car park he found a place facing the mountains and sky. A view that would always make him feel like lord of the manor who could go wherever he liked. Getting out of the car he opened the boot and took out his coat and put in his pockets all that was needed.

    It was a week day and there were not many people about with the wind..rain and cold. Getting back in the car he decided to wait until tomorrow and noticed a couple and their dog entering the car park. He watched them remove boots and coats before letting the dog jump in the back of their car. When first light appeared he walked of and got on to the well worn path that would lead him up to the peak. After slipping a few times he turned and took in the view...I want to cry but I can’t..I have no tears left..all I have is this empty feeling left inside with no sign of change ever coming..he began to climb again and it was then that he realised he was damp and cold...muttering to himself..rainy day...rainy life...just me alone with the mountains and sky...I wonder who will notice i’m missing...it won’t be the ex wife and my daughter can go weeks without contact until I ring an ask if I can come over.

    When he reached the top there was no shelter just a platform with a bench facing the lake below and a bin full of rubbish. Sitting down he removed a container from his pocket and swallowed it's contents before throwing it in the bin. After a while he noticed the rain and wind had stopped but he felt no different...not drowsy or tired... he just sat there waiting.

    The local newspaper reported that the daughter of the missing man was relieved her father had been found and it was in a place special to him. She thanked the people who found him and those that brought him down and if she could she would like to give them all a hug. At the funeral a friend said she read the story and asked...when was the last time you gave your dad a hug.

    Last edited by escorial; March 14th, 2018 at 12:02 AM.
    The only one who can heal you is you.

  2. #2
    Global Moderator H.Brown's Avatar
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    Esc another nice piece of writing that puts the reader into the action on the page. Again you play upon the readers emotions and I love the way you end this section with a question that will probably hit home with a lot of readers.

    I just have a couple of nit picks:

    "i love you dad"- should have a capitol I.

    "home,took" needs a space adding. The same here, "
    again.Reaching" This happens a few times throughout, but nothing that another read through would not catch.
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  3. #3
    Escorial. Oh my. This seems so personal. The inner pain that some people bear is apparent only in the telling of their story, as you have done here. As a person who feels her emotions intensely, and yes, often relives them in a story, I can honestly remark on the relief I experience when that tale is finished. If this is an empathy piece, not your 's, it's even more impressive. Good job, here. Painful, because the emotions are familiar, but very good to read. And the point was well-taken.

    I think it would be helpful if you put a space between a period and the beginning of the next sentence. I was so captured by the heart-felt emotion of your piece, that this was all I could see in the way of formatting.

    Getting back in the car he decided to wait until tomorrow and noticed a couple and their dog entering the car park. He watched them remove boots and coats before letting the dog jump in the back of the car.When first light appeared he walked of and got on to the well worn path that would lead him to the peak.
    I think this part could use a little more transition. Maybe you could say something like, "entering the car park from their hike up the mountain." I couldn't really visualize the couple and their dog, and initially thought they had driven in, like the MC, when he saw them. Also, there's a passage of a lot of time before "When first light appeared..." Had he slept in his car? Just sat there waiting for dawn? What was he thinking of?

    Just some thoughts, but very good piece, Escorial. Thanks for letting us read.
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only light we'll see
    No, I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
    Just as long as you stand by me.

  4. #4
    Thanks HB....i'm changing it the more i read it.....

    SC....thankyou for the input..appreciated..the story is from the local newspaper
    The only one who can heal you is you.

  5. #5
    Member dither's Avatar
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    My first thought/reaction to this and other threads recently posted by you in here is " where the hell have you been hiding? "
    Maybe you're having a phase or maybe you've changed in your thoughts, views, and perceptions, the way you see the world right now but there are some strong life observations going on here that many people will feel and relate to and good writing imo.

    It still reads like poetry to me.
    Last edited by dither; March 14th, 2018 at 08:51 AM.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

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    Alas, i am weak.

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