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Thread: 999

  1. #1

    999

    The blue lights flickered in front of blinds and curtains and the noise of radio transmissions didn't disturb any of the neighbours. The ambulance crew pushed the stretcher towards an open door where a police officer told them..he's upstairs. Moving through the house they could hear crying and talking behind a closed door. Covering the body on the stretcher the doctor handed over the paperwork and as they were leaving the police woman said..he was only 12. Heading back to hospital the silence was broken by the driver shouting at a car waiting at the traffic lights..hurry up the lights on green...and her colleague replied...i don't think i can do this anymore..
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  2. #2
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Hi Esc, as usual your writing takes us and puts us right into the heat of both action and emotions that we are feeling through the words writing. You almost made me cry with the cleaver way you spring the victims age to us. A nice piece of writing, my only issue is that I want more to read, I was left with a feeling of this scene being incomplete.

    A great read though.
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  3. #3
    the story was incomplete....it was about a photo of a picture in the liverpool echo of a 12yo kid found in a house.....just a picture of an ambulance an forensic van
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  4. #4
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by escorial View Post
    the story was incomplete....it was about a photo of a picture in the liverpool echo of a 12yo kid found in a house.....just a picture of an ambulance an forensic van
    It was a very evockative scene. You capture shock and awe in the same scene, which I enjoyed. A photo really can say a thousand words...

    If you can write more so that this becomes a finshed piece I would like to read more, what happened to the boy?
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  5. #5
    it's always disturbing when they wont say what the cause of death was.....recently wrote a poem about a suicide and over the week as more headlines appeared I added more lines...a subject I'm very comfortable to write about death and experience...
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  6. #6
    To me, this was an exceptional little piece in what wasn't said. The kind of prose that's heads above other forms of conveyance.

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  7. #7
    wow..thanks LC
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  8. #8
    WF Veteran H.Brown's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by escorial View Post
    it's always disturbing when they wont say what the cause of death was.....recently wrote a poem about a suicide and over the week as more headlines appeared I added more lines...a subject I'm very comfortable to write about death and experience...

    I know, makes you wonder what acctually went on, but on the flip side sometimes even having what went on stated can be just as disturbing.
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