Get A Dog And Bark Yourself (very short story 488 words)

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  1. #1

    Get A Dog And Bark Yourself (very short story 488 words)

    (My apologies, I followed the instructions for copying from Word but it hasn't worked it seems)

    Get A Dog And Bark Yourself


    ‘Room for one, standing room only after that.’ the driver called out to the queue shivering in the draughty bus shelter.

    The breath of the tightly packed passengers had condensed into mist on the windows and Lily used the sleeve of her new red coat to wipe a clear patch. She gazed at the rain falling in steady sheets over the dull Autumn countryside. The image of a juicy steak floated into her mind and she licked her lips.

    Sitting on her lap, Ah-Wong lifted a back leg and tried vainly to pull the annoying pink bow off his head.

    ‘Mind if I sit 'ere, lady?’

    Lily looked round. A scruffy middle-aged man was standing with a hand on the seat back, swaying slightly. She leaned across to sniff at him. He stank of alcohol and old sweat. She turned back to the window. Unembarrassed, the man sat down.

    ‘Thash a nice little doggie, missus. Wossits name then?’

    His little nose wrinkling at the unpleasant smell, Ah-Wong looked at the man. ‘Sod off, you drunken twat.’ he said, turning his head away from the overpowering stench.

    The drunk got off at the next stop, vowing that this time he really would give it up.

    A teenaged boy with an ipod was next. He was wearing earphones but a toothgrating tinny screech still managed to make its way into the ears of anyone within a fifteen foot radius. Ah-Wong put up with it for at least twenty seconds then his head moved in a blur. There was a faint click of small teeth closing on something soft and the noise abruptly ceased. A collective sigh of pleasure arose from the neighbouring seats.

    ‘Oi, missus! Your bleedin’ mutt’s bitten through my wire.’

    ‘Oh shut your whining trap, you illiterate little tick. It was disturbing my nap.’ Ah-Wong told him.

    The teenager stared at the little dog. ‘What did you say? Oi, missus, your dog spoke to me.’

    Lily turned away from her dreamy contemplation of the world outside. Her lips slowly pulled menacingly back over her canines. ‘Grrrrrrrr.’ she snarled.

    The boy shrank away from the fearsome sight. ‘Aahh, bugger this, I’m getting off.’

    Ding-ding

    The next person to take the empty seat was a kindly old gentleman who raised his trilby before seating himself close to the edge.

    ‘It’s quite cold today, isn’t -’ he began.

    ‘For God’s sake, don’t start bleating on about the weather, you boring old fart.’ said Ah-Wong.

    The shocked man looked at the dog then at Lily. ‘Madam, your dog!’

    Lily was annoyed at the destruction of her tasty steak fantasy. ‘Grrr! Woof! Yap!’ she barked, baring her teeth.

    Only then did the elderly man notice the leather collar around her neck. A small brass tag hanging from it was clearly engraved with the name Lily in capitals.
    The seat stayed empty for the remainder of the journey.
    Last edited by PiP; January 30th, 2018 at 08:55 AM.

  2. #2
    That was a fun read!

    Quote Originally Posted by topcol View Post
    The image of a juicy steak floated into her mind and she licked her lips.
    This sentence made me think “What is going on?”… but in a good way!

    I thought the beginning set up the scene nicely, while the rest of the story moved along at a nice pace.

    However, I did find the last line kind of stopped the story abruptly. Saying something about the old man moving to the back of the bus and having some of the passengers giving her sideways glances, then stating the last line, might give more of an ease to the ending.

    Otherwise, really great little story. Thanks for sharing it!

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Roac View Post
    That was a fun read!



    This sentence made me think “What is going on?”… but in a good way!

    I thought the beginning set up the scene nicely, while the rest of the story moved along at a nice pace.

    However, I did find the last line kind of stopped the story abruptly. Saying something about the old man moving to the back of the bus and having some of the passengers giving her sideways glances, then stating the last line, might give more of an ease to the ending.

    Otherwise, really great little story. Thanks for sharing it!
    Thanks very much for your comments, Roac. Funny you mentioned the ending, on re-reading it, it occurred to me too that it ended before it ought to have done. I'll work on that.

    I got the idea of a talking dog from something my wife said about our 2 little dogs' expressions when I left their evening walk a bit later than usual. She said, "If they could talk, they'd tell you what they think of you in no uncertain terms."

    topcol

  4. #4
    It is great where people find inspiration for stories.

    I actually, wrote a story for the last Literary Maneuvers competition about a writer looking for inspiration and never finding anything, even though inspirational hints were all around him.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Roac View Post
    It is great where people find inspiration for stories.

    I actually, wrote a story for the last Literary Maneuvers competition about a writer looking for inspiration and never finding anything, even though inspirational hints were all around him.

    A salutary lesson in disguise for all we aspiring authors. I'm tempted to ask where your inspiration for the story came from.

    I was advised once to write about things I know and I've taken it to heart.

    I've written a long saga based very loosely on my mother's Anglo-French family, ie I borrowed the locations and some family names and professions but the rest is all fiction.

    I'm 3/4 of the way through a novel which I class as my "strong woman" novel and I've used some locations where I've lived.

    topcol

  6. #6
    nice funny story.. I need to get myself an Ah-wong

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by writersblock View Post
    nice funny story.. I need to get myself an Ah-wong
    Hi, writersblock, thanks a lot for your comments. Hope your name isn't based on any permanent condition.

    Rather than Ah-wong, you might prefer a pup from Sniffwig the Labrador in my piece called Cave Canem on here. Labs are so much better tempered than tetchy old Ah-wong and his vocab is also more extensive than the little Pekinese's.

    All the best,
    topcol

  8. #8
    Member Xenization's Avatar
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    I loved this little tale, especially the pun you so cleverly put into the dogs' name. It made me smile.
    Write what is good, not what is popular or approved by the times you live in. - Xenization

  9. #9
    Really liked this little short story!

  10. #10
    The short story was great! I think I myself need to get an Ah-wong - probably would be a lot of fun

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