Lacking Christmas Cheer

[BlondeAverageReader]

The tree is up, the lights are on
So where's the Christmas cheer?
It must be in some couriers van
Cos it's not arrived round here


I sit here with a list of things
I can't do till Christmas Eve
And contemplate food shopping
With all those bags to heave


Queuing for the car park
Queuing endlessly to pay
Next year, let's book a cruise
And simply sail away

[nickpierce]

The tree is up, the lights are on
So where's the Christmas cheer?
It must be in some couriers van
Cos it's not arrived round here


Sitting with a list of things
I can't do till Christmas Eve
And contemplate food shopping
With all those bags to heave


Queuing for the car park
Queuing endlessly to pay
Next year, let's book a cruise
And simply sail away

S2
L1

I made a change to show my thought of a way to keep the "here" in S1 L4 from being dulled due to repetition.
Don't know if this violates a poetry flow guideline.

Cheers.

[BlondeAverageReader]

Thanks nick that does work better. As I'm no poet and tend to throw these verses together in a few minutes, if they rhyme it's a miracle. A stress relieving rant, rather than a poem, just for fun!
Have a lovely Christmas.

[Namyh]

BlondeAverageReader - I love the way this was constructed and the impact it had. Very nice work poetess BAR. Namyh

[nickpierce]

[QUOTE=BlondeAverageReader

I'm no poet and tend to throw these verses together in a few minutes, if they rhyme it's a miracle.

[/QUOTE]

Is rhyming an integral part of poetry?

[ned]

hello - 'Christmas Cheer' perhaps for the title, yes.............the irony.

'and tend to throw these verses together in a few minutes' - which shows, and is a shame.
a bit of thought and effort on the wording, would lift the poem.

It must be in some courier van
that's not arrived round here

And contemplate the shopping
With a dozen bags to heave

Queuing for the car park
waiting endlessly to pay

simple stuff that took a moment............Ned

[BlondeAverageReader]

Thanks ned, but I'm really not worth your trouble. This poem was something l wrote to send in an email to a poetry writing friend to make her laugh. It's me ranting about my feelings or life in general, so if you change the wording or tidy it up, it will no doubt be more poetic but no longer 'me'.
I posted it to raise a laugh from fellow sufferers, sorry if this drives you mad.
Merry Christmas

[escorial]

bravo....chav poetry

[BlondeAverageReader]

bravo....chav poetry

More Naff, than chav perhaps?

[escorial]

chavs an naf naf tracksuits(circa80's)