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Thread: CoF September 2017 Deep Woods + Nerd Scores

  1. #1

    CoF September 2017 Deep Woods + Nerd Scores

    First, please give a round of applause to our judges, who volunteer their time to take part in this challenge.

    Secondly and most importantly, I want to thank our entrants, for without you there would be no contest.

    Now on to what you actually came for scores



    bdcharles H. Brown totals
    SueC 20 21 20.5
    mrmustard615 16 20 18
    jenthepen 19.5 19 19.25


    In first place we have SueC with Where's Danny Boy...

    In second we have jenthepen with Weekend Away

    Rounding out our top three we have mrmustard615 with Waldo does it Again (or They Should Write a Book About me)

    Congrats to all our entrants!!


    now for the reviews.

    bdcharles:
    Well, first, thankyou to all the entrants for, well, entering. I didn't spend much time on my firestarter (I thought: why? It's there to be rewritten!) but even so there was that moment where I thought no-one would enter. Then you did - so thank you for that. It is quite odd seeing my thoughts taken and having something done to them. I'm used to keeping them firmly in my head

    Anyway, let's get on. Here are the numbers:



    SueC
    "Where's Danny Boy..."

    SPaG: 5/5
    T&V: 4/5
    Creativity: 4/5
    Effect: 7/10
    Total: 20/25

    Review:
    I love the way Daniel has named his things; it immediately puts him in a very visualisable category. He seems young - and fragile, somehow, wanting to please his dad and all, and that really comes out in the voice. You have a clearly defined "inciting incident" too - the look back. It works, and comes encumbered with the appropriate drama. SPaG is ... well I don't really need to comment. No issues. You even make a comma-splice work, and they usually send me over the edge

    I guess the only thing that I am going to have to knock off a couple of points off for is the ending; it is too "everything turns out right". I like it, and I have no issues with it, but I did find myself wanting more out of the story. But never mind. This was a lovely read all the same.





    mrmustard615
    "Waldo does it a again" (or "They Should Write a Book About Me")

    SPaG: 4/5
    T&V: 3/5
    Creativity: 3/5
    Effect: 6/10
    Total: 16/25

    Review:

    Funny take on the prompt, giving the nerd an erotic dream encounter. I really enjoyed the repeated motif of "left, or was it right"; it creates, again, a certain fragility, in that this character doesn't really know where he is going. The voice is decent enough with that in mind, though perhaps not the most original or daring.

    SPaG is fine - again you make comma splices work, though the writing is probably not the most challenging, thereby limiting the scope for error. But you're way short of the limit! Hmm - perhaps my firestarter wasn't fiery-starty enough... must try harder...





    jenthepen
    "Weekend Away"

    SPaG: 3/5
    T&V: 4/5
    Creativity: 4/5
    Effect: 8.5/10
    Total: 19.5/25

    Review:

    Love the name Amos Pea! I'm trying to work out if it means something. I enjoyed the slightly dark tone of this too, with Heldersworth some sort of maniac that frequents heavily-wooded areas. In that regard, this entry has a pretty strong narrative arc, and there is no guarantee that things end well.

    SPaG - good, though it is "orienteering", not "orienting". Gah, I'm such a nerd! Also "encuragingly" - missing an "o". One thing I did also notice was that in your opener, you have "stared" and "despair" close to each other. I suppose such assonances can tend to drop readers out of stories if not handled. as it reminds them that they are reading, ratherh than transplanting them to the scene. But it's a minor thing. No other issues other than that really.



    H. Brown:
    Thank you to Sleepwriter for once again hosting the COF, bdcharles for both being firestarter and fellow judge and to all our entrants for entering and giving me such good entries to judge.

    Sue C.
    Spag 5/5
    Tone/voice 4/5
    Creativity 4/5
    Effect 8/10
    Effect 21/25
    Comments: A great entry Sue, I thoroughly enjoyed the ending, with his dad. It was a well written piece that evoked different emotions and only lightly draws upon the firestarter.

    MrMustard.
    Spag 5/5
    Tone/voice 5/5
    Creativity 3/5
    Effect 7/10
    Overall 20/25
    Comments: I really enjoyed your take on the firestarter musty, yoir inner thoughts of the where's Waldo character was very funny and another well written entry. However while the premise was original I thought it could have been a little more creative.

    Jenthepen.
    Spag 5/5
    Tone/voice 4/5
    Creativity 3/5
    Effect 7/10
    Overall 19/20
    Comments: Jen I enjoyed reading your entry into this months challenge, your entry was written well, however you relied heavily on the firestarter which I found came through too much as I read. It did make me laugh and you kept me reading from sentence to sentence.
    "When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and that I can't do." -Abel Morales - A Most Dangerous Year.

  2. #2
    Thanks for the insightful critiques, judges. This challenge is a great workout for the creative juices. Let's hope we get a lot more of our storytellers giving it a go next month!

    Congratulations to my fellow entrants on producing two very different but equally enjoyable stories. Well earned win SueC. Congratulations.

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  3. #3
    Thanks so much for comments and votes! I am really overwhelmed. All wrote excellent pieces and you should all be so proud of the work you do. I feel I am really getting into this "prompt" idea and having so much fun doing it. Thanks again for liking what I write ... feels awesome! A "round of applause for the judges" indeed.

  4. #4
    Forum Moderator H.Brown's Avatar
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    Congratulations Sue, well deserved winner.

    I would also like to say well done to all our entrants.

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