Reflection


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Thread: Reflection

  1. #1
    Member Fowly's Avatar
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    Reflection

    Why do I run away
    Why do I hide my face
    Could It really be
    That I am someone else
    In the mirror, That is not me.
    Who am I
    I am but a shadow of
    The person I used to be.
    Who is she in the mirror
    Why does she look like me
    Last edited by Fowly; September 4th, 2017 at 02:20 AM.
    Boop

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Fowly View Post
    Why do I run away?
    Why do I hide my face?
    Could It really be?
    That I am someone else?
    In the mirror, That is not me.
    Who am I?
    I am but a shadow of
    The person I used to be.
    Who is she in the mirror?
    Why does she look like me?

    Helllloooo, Fowly, welcome to the fabulous poetry thread! I wonder how you would feel about removing the questions and making them statements? Do you think that would make this a stronger poem?
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  3. #3
    Member Fowly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firemajic View Post
    Helllloooo, Fowly, welcome to the fabulous poetry thread! I wonder how you would feel about removing the questions and making them statements? Do you think that would make this a stronger poem?
    lol is that better
    Boop

  4. #4
    Hi,

    Last line not logical based upon what was said. Consider:

    She used to look like me.

    Hope helpful. Sas
    .

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Fowly View Post

    Why do I run away
    Why do I hide my face
    Could It really be
    That I am someone else
    In the mirror, That is not me.
    Who am I
    I am but a shadow of
    The person I used to be.
    Who is she in the mirror
    Why does she look like me
    Who, what, where, when, why. These denote questions, the word itself, not merely punctuation, which in poetry is optional. It is the difference between asking and doing. You've removed the punctuation, but the words themselves still hold the questions. To address the question you need to address the word, leaving no question. The following is an example of actual statements.

    e.g.

    A figure contemplates
    fingers trace glass,
    a sheer of shadows.
    A biheaded coin,
    parallel in the plane
    one a reflection of flesh,
    one the flesh in truth.

    Try reading your piece aloud, also try it with the example. Consider what you hear. Also consider that mirrors and reflections are endless. It is a subject that has always fascinated writers, as such, there are numerous poems on reflections. You started with the questions, a good place to start, now test the edges of the box and find the core of the poem...Because as is, you have a basic list of questions, the concept. Flesh out the bones.


    - D. the T.


  6. #6
    I was wondering what you see in that mirror, not some non-specifics, that would cause a person to run away.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by sas View Post

    Last line not logical based upon what was said. Consider:

    She used to look like me.


    .
    Who says poems (poets) are always logical?

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Darkkin View Post
    Who, what, where, when, why. These denote questions, the word itself, not merely punctuation, which in poetry is optional. It is the difference between asking and doing. You've removed the punctuation, but the words themselves still hold the questions. To address the question you need to address the word, leaving no question. The following is an example of actual statements.

    e.g.

    A figure contemplates
    fingers trace glass,
    a sheer of shadows.
    A biheaded coin,
    parallel in the plane
    one a reflection of flesh,
    one the flesh in truth.

    Try reading your piece aloud, also try it with the example. Consider what you hear. Also consider that mirrors and reflections are endless. It is a subject that has always fascinated writers, as such, there are numerous poems on reflections. You started with the questions, a good place to start, now test the edges of the box and find the core of the poem...Because as is, you have a basic list of questions, the concept. Flesh out the bones.

    - D. the T.
    Many famous poets have written question poems, starting their poem with a question.....


    The Tower

    by William Butler Yeats

    What shall I do with this absurdity -
    O heart, O troubled heart - this caricature,
    Decrepit age that has been tied to me
    As to a dog's tail?
    Never had I more
    Excited, passionate, fantastical
    Imagination, nor an ear and eye
    That more expected the impossible -
    No, not in boyhood when with rod and fly,
    Or the humbler worm, I climbed Ben Bulben's back
    And had the livelong summer day to spend.

    And another by Emily Dickinson:

    How far is it to Heaven?
    As far as Death this way --
    Of River or of Ridge beyond
    Was no discovery.

    How far is it to Hell?
    As far as Death this way --
    How far left hand the Sepulchre
    Defies Topography.

  9. #9
    Fowly,

    It would be nice to have a response, rather than an LOL, to suggestions. I've no idea what that meant, in this context. This is an exchange of dialogue, workshop style group, unless you prefer your poem not to have workshop comments (as I often do here). In which case, state that desire underneath your posted poem. Please.

  10. #10
    Member Fowly's Avatar
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    Lol you're good. I just found what you said a little dramatic and the picture with what you said made me laugh. In a good way. I didn't mean to offend : O
    Boop

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