Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: July's Challenges Scoring Thread.

  1. #1
    Forum Moderator H.Brown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Northan England, United Kingdom
    Posts
    1,078
    Blog Entries
    35

    July's Challenges Scoring Thread.

    That's it folks....

    July's challenge has now ended and here is the scoring thread for all you judges. Please read each entry and then score on the following 2 aspects: message and delivery both of these are scored out of 10.

    Happy reading.

    You can find the entries Here

  2. #2
    HARPERCOLE

    Message: 8/10 Delivery: 9/10

    This was a very professional-looking piece, with a great structure. There was some proper storytelling; a beginning, middle and (modest but touching) end.

    I liked the way you gave most of your words to your subject. It was generous. Allowing her to speak meant she inspired the reader just as she had you.

    There was only one phrase I didn't like, and that was the jargon-y 'going forward'.

    Overall, very successful and likeable (unless you made it up about working in a charity shop, in which case I will come back and delete all your points).

    Well done.


    PLASTICWELD:

    Message: 6/10. Delivery: 8/10

    Well, it wasn't really a message. It was more of an anti-message.
    Forcing people to read? Why not hit them over the head with the actual book until their spirit breaks?

    A tense read.

    The delivery was fine. Another natural storyteller. And you're never boring, that's for sure. A couple of sentences were a bit jumbled:

    'I said, I did and it did.'

    And the whole sentence about motorbikes.

    Sorry, PLASTICWELD, but I felt relieved when it was over and everyone got out alive.


    SMITH

    Message: 9/10. Delivery: 10/10

    Strong storytelling in this piece too, opening in a very visual way. I could really see you coming out of the cinema; a tear-stained, slightly Chaplinesque figure, who's taken some knocks but is ready to fall in love with the world again.

    I liked the way the message flowed out of the film, into your life and onto the page.

    The delivery seemed simple and sincere.

    A bit of a pile-up of semi-colons in paragraph 8 (you only need one, and after that, commas) and Gods should be gods. I should have deducted points but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Your voice, flaws and all, was so strong.

    Great work.

  3. #3
    1 Litre of Tears

    Delivery...10
    Message...10

    it's not about the book read but the delivery of the short piece...I can't do that but wrapped up in this is empathy and frustration with that element of honesty that gives the story depth....today I can give it maximum points and tomorrow I could read it again and want to reduce the score because I wanted to read more..........


    More Than Mere Words

    Delivery...6
    Message...9

    a positive piece which delivered it's message well..steadfast and well structured


    Your Voice

    Message...6
    Delivery....10

    apt title because this was all about voices and as a reader I felt the inner words talk in letters..prime example of how to express yourself in words...
    Last edited by escorial; August 7th, 2017 at 01:48 PM.
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  4. #4
    1 Litre of Tears

    Message - 8
    Delivery - 10

    Your message is clear and you describe the book/girl excellently without trying to plaster the message in our faces whilst doing so. I think the use of quotes helps this, particularly the last lines, and it was an inspired choice to include them. You could have easily have made this a sad, sombre piece but it ends nicely on the positives you've taken from the girl's life and I think it works well.



    More than mere words

    Message - 7
    Delivery - 8

    The story of your son is well told and perhaps more of the focus should have been on that from the start. I would avoid getting sidetracked though as it distracts from your message. This is particularly true with the additional mention of the motorbikes. If you removed the italics part and just went with the next line I feel it would have had more impact. The daring tone of your piece is very good though, almost challenging us to pick up the book. I liked that style.


    Your voice

    Message -10
    Delivery - 9

    The thing that strikes me most about this piece is that you can really tell just how much the film meant to you. That is clear throughout. And that definitely helps with the message which builds nicely and finishes with a strong last line. There are a couple of minor things with the delivery but otherwise very strong.
    Interested in how Mars-127's story continues?
    I am looking for Beta Readers to guide me along the way. Send me a PM if interested - Jam


    Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living - Jonathan Safran Foer

  5. #5
    Forum Moderator H.Brown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Northan England, United Kingdom
    Posts
    1,078
    Blog Entries
    35
    Here are my scores guys:

    Harpercole- 1 Litre of tears.

    Message 9/10
    Delivery 9/10
    Comments: Wow, Harpercole your entry certainly pulled on my heart-strings. I am going to have to check out these books about Aya's life. When we read/see into the lives of people that struggle with these massive obstacles placed before them, really puts life into perspective. Your delivery was smooth and your message was nicely integrated into your writing. I enjoyed your last line that tied the whole piece together for me and reiterated your overall message.

    PlasticWeld- More than mere words.

    Message 9/10
    Delivery 9/10
    Comments: Plasticweld your entry was an enlightening read,you integrated your message into your entry well. I enjoyed the delivery of this line in particular- "with a broad smile and a twinkle in his eye, "Oh yeah...that F'en book." This line made me chuckle as I read it. You have made me interested in reading this book and I have put it onto my long list of books I must read.

    Smith- Your Name.

    Message 9/10
    Delivery 8/10
    Comments: Smith I can relate to your entry very well, partly because I have seen the anime in question and partly because of the way you deliver your words. You drew me in and kept my attention to the end. However I found your sentence about the synopsis to be hard to read and had to re-read it a couple of times before I could move on, I think that it could read better such as; 'Your Name' is an anime about a young boy and girl, who switch bodies, while trying to figure out why this happens they are carried on a journey. Smith your writing is clear and your message comes across clearly and in some ways bluntly. The delivery is not subtle but then that could just be your own writing style, however you do get your message across to the reader.

  6. #6
    Forum Moderator H.Brown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Northan England, United Kingdom
    Posts
    1,078
    Blog Entries
    35
    July's Winner is: HarperCole, with 1 litre of tears. You entry was moving.

    It was another close challenge this month guys so thank you all for your entries. I would also like to say a massive thank you to all of our judges as well.
    Last edited by H.Brown; August 13th, 2017 at 07:26 PM.

  7. #7
    Thanks everyone, and especially Smith for pointing out the original error in the scoring.

    It was a close contest, and could have gone any of three ways.

    HC

  8. #8
    Congratulations, Harper. Great piece.

  9. #9
    Well done
    The only one who can heal you is you.




Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •