Tender Erasure - Page 5


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Thread: Tender Erasure

  1. #41
    Quote Originally Posted by Sebald View Post
    Can I say something serious? I feel a bit uncomfortable about the way this thread has gone.

    I can't speak for Darren. But I wouldn't be surprised if he's confused and upset. I realise it's the nature of giving feedback. But something has gone awry if a talented poet ends a workshop feeling that his poem is 'dead'

    Fire, I'm surprised you were so hard on him.



    I have deleted my comments on your poem, Darren... please accept my apologies ... feedback is a tool, hopefully the poet will decide how and IF he wishes to use that tool... my comments are just MY point of view... and are given to provide the writer with a different point of view, as a mentor, I critique with the hope of inspiring your love for your craft, I hope to push you out of your comfort zone, and maybe give you a new direction to go... if my words cause a poet to become discouraged, then I have failed as a mentor. I am truly sorry if I caused distress, that was never my intent.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  2. #42
    Thanks for that, Fire.

    You do inspire everyone, all the time.

    Darren seemed to find himself at the centre of two particularly gruelling threads. They were gruelling partly because he was trying so hard. I can't imagine anyone having a better attitude than he's shown. He just kept taking it on the chin, making a joke, and trying to get better.

    Fire, I'm one of the people who was piling on the pressure.

    I'm sorry, Darren.

  3. #43
    Fire - sometimes, critiques get misconstrued - that is just the vagueness of our language.
    Ironically, what us poets endeavour to exploit.

    But anyone who knows you through your comments and support, will know you meant
    no harm or discouragement.

    enough creeping......Ned
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  4. #44
    Love these lines:

    Quote Originally Posted by clark View Post
    "The pebbled road we shaped"......."time deletes you"......the "yawning sun" bleeding in its death--lines like those perked me up and HELD me, enthralled. I wanted to walk the walk with that poet in those moments.

  5. #45
    Fire, Seb, Ned, everyone.
    Sometimes critique is hard to swallow, yes. BUT
    I did what I normally do: step back, let it rest for a few hours, a night in this case, to avoid overly emotional comments.

    SO!

    Firemajic, no need for apologies, I am not discouraged. I only had a particularly difficult day yesterday. It is true that after a few revisions I lost track of what I was doing. It happens, and it is confusing, that's true. But I have all versions, I keep them, and will work on them later. You didn't have to delete your comment....
    Sometimes words are harsh, or nice, but in the end you meant what you said, and I will have to deal with the poem and what to do with it.

    I joined the forum for honest critique, and that is what I am getting. I am human, get sometimes emotional (don't we all), but in the end I'm still here.

    I will get over it and post again.

    Please don't stop critiquing?

    Darren.

  6. #46
    Quote Originally Posted by Sebald View Post

    Fire, I'm one of the people who was piling on the pressure.

    I'm sorry, Darren.
    Just a smile and a hug for you Seb, nuff said

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