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Last edited by ned; May 14th, 2020 at 05:54 PM. Reason: assonance my dear
NAILED IT!!
Wow, ned... every time I think you have pulled out every poetic trick in your book... you do it again...
MOOD: NAILEDIT...
MESSAGE: SUBLIME... unique, creative, original .... all fabulous things...
RHYME: smoooooth as poetic silk, flawless, unobtrusive, in the background, where it belongs....
I have missed you, and I have missed your poetry.... it is a pleasure to read your work... do IT again...
She lost herself in the trees,
among the ever-changing leaves.
She wept beneath the wild sky
as stars told stories of ancient times.
The flowers grew toward her light,
the river called her name at night.
She could not live an ordinary life,
with the mysteries of the universe
hidden in her eyes....
Author: Christy Ann Martine
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal....
Author unknown.
I really love this poem. I agree with Firemajic on the rhyme, message, mood. "...As if they were enraptured / at the presence of a brother..." Such a moving line that speaks multitudes for those in "the world outside" not loving each other. Very creative and moving piece. It was a pleasure reading and thank you for sharing. == Wesley
Ned,
This poem is perfection in every way! Yes, welcome back! Sas
hello - thank you all for reading and commenting.
yes, my only meaningful response to recent events in the UK...
have edited 'I'd given them' to 'I gave them' - for the sake of assonance -
a pedantic poet to the last!
cheers.......Ned
i like your answer(s).
wouldn't it be awesome
if these were the actions
of re-action.aries everywhere.
thx,
It’s an OK poem with more than a hint of wishful thinking. Rhyming stick with brick reads a bit contrived but that apart it’s OK.
Regards
John.
hello John, thank you for your OK review -
'more than a hint of wishful thinking' ? - bucket loads actually, sorry, but I ain't going to come up with a coherent plan for world peace in four verses.
'stick' is contrived ? - that's interesting - I don't know how else to put it, 'getting stick' is perfectly natural in my vernacular,
possibly not in yours, that's life.
(hello Nellie, I've missed the sound of you sharpening your knives - bless...)
appreciate the input John, but I'm unmoved...
Ned
You don’t have to defend your work to me; it’s your poem, not mine.
Speaking on placing objects in windows, on my first tour in Ireland in the ‘Troubles’ in a window down a side street off the Falls road, I passed a net curtain behind which was a plaster Madonna who fixed me with an angelic smile. I had to smile at the surreal irony as I was wearing combat fatigues, a flack jacket and carrying a SA80, still it made a change from dodging the contents of a pisspot which was our usual welcome.
OK John, you're fairly new here, so I'll spell it out...
It is regarded as bad manners to go off topic and talk about yourself rather than the poem, unless invited.
For obvious reasons.
enough said.....Ned
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