God save the Queen

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Thread: God save the Queen

  1. #1

    God save the Queen

    The Queen was in the Boudoir of her Palace, as usual. She would only leave it if her life was threatened and there was no alternative.She was in labour again, but she quickly gave birth, and passed her new offspring over to one of her Nurse Maids. She had already been blessed with numerous children, but once again she was glad. Of course she had an army of Nannies to care for them all; and indeed some of them were horribly pampered, as they would carry on the Royal Line.Her own maids assiduously tended her, and ensured that she got the Special food, that only she might eat.
    Like all of the Royal family, she was larger than any of her subjects, and considering she was virtually immobile, she was remarkably slim and fit,
    This was almost entirely a female establishment, but of course the Queen had sons, but they simply idled away their time, waiting until they could find suitable wives, and flee the nest.They were ignored by the staff as they played no role in the running of the Palace.
    The Palace was large and rambling, and made of pressed, brown earth mixed with a secret ingredient, to make it durable.It had many low twisting passages, which terminated in small rooms of different sizes.These rooms were mainly living accommodation, but there were also a great many store rooms. At the front of the Palace was the Great hall, which was huge with a high ceiling, and was used as an assembly point for all the Community.The Queen's Boudoir was in the middle of the building, and only reached by a narrow tunnel which turned and twisted at sharp angles, to make invasion more difficult.
    The Queen had complete control over everything that occurred in the Palace. Her mind was very active, and she almost mesmerised the whole population, so everything ran smoothly.She was well respected and her Subjects were utterly loyal. She had organised a unique system to ensure maximum efficiency, as all her servants were trained in every role, and could change jobs at a moments notice.
    The huge amount of supplies necessary for such a large population, was organised by the Procurement Team, who went through the land obtaining and transporting the goods. These were delivered to the Store Keepers ,who were responsible for their care.The palace had a Building and maintainance Team, and an essential Refuse Disposal Team, who deposited the rubbish in heaps, some way away from the palace.There was also a large Barracks manned by female soldiers, and the Queen's large Amazons, who guarded her Boudoir. As previously
    stated all these workers could exchange jobs, so if, for example there was a large amount of food available, extra staff could be drafted in to help the Procurement Team and the busy Store Keepers. In the event of attack, everyone could turn soldier, and fight. Only the Queen's Personal Servants and the Amazons were exempt, as their job was to surround the Queen, whilst fighting off attackers, and help her to flee the Palace, if all was lost.

    One day one of the Procurement Team, ventured into a remote area, which she seldom visited.This part of the Country was heavily forested, and it was hard to see the interior.She saw someone coming up the path, and was puzzled that she was a unknown Procurement Officer. She hid amongst the trees and cautiously continued on her way. A little later she saw 2 more Officers, returning heavily ladened, so she followed them down a small, well worn track, and round the corner was another palace, even bigger than hers.Alarmed, she hastened back to tell the Queen. At the moment there was a good supply of food, especially sweetmeats, much enjoyed by everyone, but with Winter coming, supplies may get low, and with new competition, the situation could become drastic. The Queen immediately sent Scouts to assess the situation, and organized a larger group of Procurers to obtain the sweetmeats, guarded by soldiers.
    One day, two Procurement Officers from the New Palace were discovered secretly obtaining food. The risk was so serious, one was instantly despatched but the other escaped. This caused consternation, as she would inform her Queen of the supply of sweetmeats, and they would send strong reinforcements. The Queen ordered them to dig deep pits and heap the excess soil in heaps, around the place where the sweetmeats were, and they waited for the invaders to arrive. There was a short skirmish, and owing to the superior position of the Palace soldiers behind the rampart,
    the New Palace troops were repulsed., and returned to their Palace.
    The Scouts were still observing the New Palace, and reported that they appeared to be mustering an army. They hastened to the Queen, who rallied all the servants in the Great Hall, and told them to prepare for battle. The Scouts arrived with the unwelcome news, that the New Palace army was huge.
    The Queen's troops massed outside the entrance, and waited.
    The battle was long and fierce, and it seemed as if the Palace may be able to hold the main entrance, as it was blocked by New Palace dead. However, the bodies were speedily removed, The enemy broke through the guard and streamed down the passage in to the Great Hall. The cry of "God save the Queen", began to be heard. The Palace troops fought valiantly, but they were completely outnumbered. The Amazons crowded in to the tunnel of the Boudoir".God save the Queen". Without her mesmeric powers, the whole society would crumble, and cease to exist. !"They attacked them one by one, as they came up the tunnel. As soon as it became full of their dead, the New Palace soldiers removed them, and continued to enter the tunnel. The Amazons were tiring, and they knew they could not hold out for long. "Evacuate the Queen".
    Hastily, the Personal Servants formed a ring round the Queen, and leaving all her children she entered the tunnel. The Amazons were waiting for her entourage, and encircling them all, fought their way through the Great Hall towards the entrance.
    Then an extraordinary thing occurred. There was the sound of an enormous blow at the entrance, and the roof of the Great hall began to collapse. There was pandemonium, and the attendants scattered. Then there was another huge blow, and the Queen was blown back in to the passage. A loud rumbling followed, and the Great Hall collapsed. Even worse was to come, a deluge of poisonous rain descended on the New Palace Army, and everyone was died a slow excruciating death. No one appeared to be left alive.

    "Hello Martin, I think I have got rid of the ant problem in the kitchen. I found two enormous anthills behind that hidden patch at the back of the garage, I kicked them to smithereens, and then sprayed them. I am pretty sure I got almost all of them"

    In the sodden heap which was all that remained of the Palace, there was a slight movement. Slowly the Queen crawled out of the tunnel ,whose zig zagged shape had saved her, . She was covered in mud and disorientated. Distractedly, she cleaned the mud off her face and then scratched her muddy back. Something odd was attached to it. She kept scratching, and it finally dawned on her she had grown wings.Would she have enough energy to fly, she wondered, and tried to flap her wings. Nothing happened. They were stuck to her body.She forced herself to clean her back, and suddenly she began to feel sexually aroused. This stimulated her to clean the rest of her body which took a long time. She began to panic that she would be too late. When she had finished preening, she took a few steps and launched herself in to the air, spread her wings and flew.
    Flying was blissful, and she swooped gracefully around, luxuriating in the freedom.She suddenly, paused and listened. She could just hear the beat of distant wings. She became sexually excited and flew towards the black dots appearing on the horizon.She sped towards them, now frantic to mate, and then paused in front of them, moving her body coquettishly.

    The Drones had come!

    The Queen was saved.!
    Last edited by nelen; May 30th, 2017 at 01:23 PM.

  2. #2
    You simply can’t start any story with a large wedge of information (Over 500 words) before the story itself begins. The story itself is an interesting one but before I struggled through the introduction to get to the story, I knew the Queen was either an ant or a bee. I think it would be more interesting if you kept the surprise from the reader until the end. After all that’s what a twist is, a surprise.
    It’s a good tale but you really have to do something with that intro.

  3. #3
    Thanks, John,
    I think you are right, I did rather over do setting the scene and may be should have spent more time on the actual event . II gave the game away. I kept getting confused with ants and bees in my head, as well. Thanks for the advice, I will take that on board. I must learn to think like the reader.


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