Lakeside Likes (Some swearing)


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Thread: Lakeside Likes (Some swearing)

  1. #1

    Lakeside Likes (Some swearing)

    -- Taken down to rewrite. Back soon.
    Last edited by Roo2503; January 8th, 2017 at 05:04 PM.

  2. #2
    magical. Did you mean the New Year's message as kind of "too much"?
    Modern Punctuation and Grammar: Tools not Rules is finally published and available for $3 Hidden Content . Should be mandatory for serious writers, IMO. Italics, Fragments, Disfluency, lists, etc. But also commas and paragraph length. Discussed use of adverbs, and ends with a chapters on the awesome moment and the grammar of action scenes. Description at my Hidden Content

  3. #3
    Yes...absolutely...

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Roo2503 View Post
    Yes...absolutely...
    So well done. Congratulations.
    Modern Punctuation and Grammar: Tools not Rules is finally published and available for $3 Hidden Content . Should be mandatory for serious writers, IMO. Italics, Fragments, Disfluency, lists, etc. But also commas and paragraph length. Discussed use of adverbs, and ends with a chapters on the awesome moment and the grammar of action scenes. Description at my Hidden Content

  5. #5
    Sorry I am not very good at talking about my own work...

  6. #6
    Hey! Only two concerns!

    1. I'd cut down the length of the obnoxious facebook post a bit. I know its job is to be annoying, but I think you go achieve the same idea with less words.
    2. The scene could be set better in the beginning. I had them at a campsite until a kitchen all of the sudden appeared. Maybe use the word fireplace instead of fire?

    Really digging this piece though!! Even though it works on its own, continue with it!

  7. #7
    Thanks Burkholder.... great advice.... That has helped my opening a great deal! Will take a look at the annoying FB message..I had so much fun writing it that I may have taken it too far! thanks
    Last edited by Roo2503; January 5th, 2017 at 03:08 PM.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Roo2503 View Post
    Thanks Burkholder.... great advice.... That has helped my opening a great deal! Will take a look at the annoying FB message..I had so much fun writing it that I may have taken it too far! thanks
    So glad I could help! This was my first critique on here and it felt weird af! And yeah it is very clear that you had fun writing the facebook post because you nailed the tone PERFECTLY. I just think some of those words would be better served developing the couple's relationship in the beginning. Dammit I got attached to them with the amount of time you devoted to them as is! Probably because you retold how my new years eve went...

  9. #9
    I think it's a wonderful piece of writing that does not require the changes Burkholder suggests; however, be open to all advice and follow your inner ear when deciding to whom you'll listen. The longwinded sincerity read like something I could easily pluck at random from something on my Facebook page and put here. Great job on that end. Contrasting her words with the reality of her situation brought the irony further home. This reads like a piece of dark comedy--whatever your intention, the end result is satisfying. Good job on this one, good luck on your next one. You have talent.

  10. #10
    Thanks Ibb.... I always seem to end up writing stories on the side of dark humour....I guess I am just a dark SOB..... Really appreciate your comments.

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